Didn't you tell her you can't talk to her because of bf?

It's not a fucking prank. Christ. Who do you think you're bullshitting here?
It's as much of a prank as confessing to your crush you love her on April's Fools, so if she takes it badly you can just hide under the "Oh haha aprils fools" pretext. It's a safety net. You're HOPING she says "YES PLEASE COME".
What difference does it make if you're needy in front of her or needy in front of us? You're still needy.
Just because the police don't know I'm a thief doesn't mean I'm not a thief. I'm still a damn thief.
She's with another man. She's moved on.
You don't want a FAVOR. You want HER. You don't obsess over the exes you mention. You obsess over HER. This is NOT the same thing. This is NOT a valid analogy.
And this is a even more invalid analogy. Nobody told you to burn bridges or hold grudges. People are telling you to move the fuck on.
Reconnect 9 months from now if you still wanna be friends for whatever reason. But don't go around rationalizing reasons to act stupid.

Your goals are not preserving friendships, asking for favors, making pranks or building bridges. Your goal is GETTING HER BACK. You have a HIDDEN AGENDA. You're trying to justify actions to the community and yourself that serve the purpose of you weaseling back into her life by trying to mask them as INNOCENT.
They ARE NOT.

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Yes I did, but then told her that I didn't meat it and that I was wrong. She said: OK we will talk. And we have talked indeed since then.

So she doesn't seems to have anything agains to talk.

Besides that I figured (via common friends) out she wanted to come to my town for a festival and she was missing the summer here last year, but she was at work.

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I get your point. I really do.

I'm trying to move on. I told you I go out to date other women. And I try to find the one out of 10.
I can argument all this stuff day in and day out, but it is in vain. From your stand point i'm justifying myself, and maybe to some extend I do.
I more rather call it - getting clear on the situation and having a multiple perspective.
Don't get me wrong I respect your opinion.

I might be or might not be with her. It doesn't depends much on me now, but I have a control over to make her clear that I was ready to be with her, so we are both sure I could do my part, and not she wondering... "aaa... what if he doesn't even think it. Why doesn't he do something about it".

Of course she has to choose, but I have to state clear my intentions.

Yes she has bf. What does it mean. Does it mean they gonna get married tomorrow and live happy ever after. Most likely no. It could be another summer flirt for her, or it could be something more serious - I don't know it.

I have to be sure in front of me that I've stated my intentions and then it is up to her... I know I have no control over what she does.

The prank kid of thing is last last last last option. Probably will never resort to it.

I can live without her of course, but I just don't leave people I somehow care about without a trace like that.
Yes it might look foolish, or unjustified to some extend, but I do care. I know she does at some level too.
She wouldn't do all the favors I asked her to if she didn't.

Thief metaphor was good. Difference is if police doesn't know - you don't get arrested and have the option to fix your behavior and not be thief anymore, thus needy. And then probably realize your mistake of being thief/needy and don't do it anymore and even the opposite.

Thank you for your time anyway. It has been helpful don't get me wrong.

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"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."

If she'd wanted you, she'd be with you. She's not with you, in fact she's chosen someone else.

She does not see you as a partner, at all. That's not even a hint, its pretty transparent.

She DOES NOT want a relationship with you.


She has to choose? She has chosen already. Chose someone else, EVEN if if she's not with someone else she's choosing NOT to be with you, that says it all. You're looking extremely desperate.


Part of her probably cares about you as a person, but nothing more. And at some point she may get fed up and involve the police.


You're also being extremely selfish in not letting her go. She deserve to be happy.

Your behavior is purely selfish in motive. You're hanging onto her "don't leave me please!!" so you can feel better about yourself. YOU ARE NOT taking care of her. You are CO-DEPENDENT.


" I just don't leave people I somehow care about without a trace like that. " <==very immature attitude. That's life sometimes. Things don't always work and it may feel weird moving on, and feeling that void. But it happens to all of us at some point(s). You're clinging, desperately. You've formed an identity out of her, and you're choosing to stay stuck.


You're a very emotionally stunted person, and I strongly recommend you get some type of therapy.

OK I get I'm wrong... and ready to go in psycho clinic (well of course not). But yes at moments I may be more emotional than necessary. But c'mon you make me feel like i'm a psycho... honestly its just more spamming the forum than the reality. I control myself. Its jut when I get more emotionaly hyped up I feel like I have to speak too much somewhere and forums give me some releif.

She can't involve the police. This is already ridiculous. (probably you think so because you still think I'll go there without asking her. Get real - of course im not gonna do it unless she says so). And I haven't wrote/talked to her in few weeks.

I don't want to argue anymore.
Maybe indeed I need some therapy but I feel better now.

Here is what she wrote me last.

"more seriously - getting some space free here - decluttering the space, to be able to declutter my mind, and loads of other things"

in response to the last thing I told her was that there are few things I want to tell her...

to which I'll reply: "ok when you feel like talking let me know" And never look back.

Eventully I'll figure what it means, so don't feel obligated to respond.

And really thank you for your time and I appreciate your concern anyway, although you probably think i'm total wacko... ha

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"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."

"more seriously - getting some space free here - decluttering the space, to be able to declutter my mind, and loads of other things"

You're not allowing her to move on, she's not strong enough to draw a boundary. You're preying upon someone you claim to love. Again, you're being extremely selfish and wanting her so you can feel better about yourself.


And by the way I am not responsible for your feeling "psycho" that's your doing. Nobody can make you feel any way, its your thinking that's causing you to feel this, and I surmise there's some truth to it the fact you feel this way.

Ya I'm done. I just wanted to get that in. Good luck.

Idk how you came to this conclusion.(probably because I spammed all over the forum about that).
Not to complain but this comment sounds offensive. Anyway don't mean to mess around or argue. Its fine.

I know you are not responcibe for me being/feeling a psycho... That was a joke (self irony) obviously ... duhhhh. Should I explain everything.

Whysoserious....


And most probably it means she is confused, because she doesn't know what she wants at that moment.
And why I think so: well a mutual friend of ours told me she told him what she wanted to come in my city for the summer and she was missing the vibe here, but due to her job now she couldn't afford it...

I know I know - you probably think I still deceive myself and trying to justify everything.

You are not obligated to respond.

Thank you for your time again.

_________________
"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."

TBH I couldn't give any less shits about what you think, if you're offended or whatever. Question is, why do you?

Ps. I don't care about the reasons the answer if for yourself to answer

OK I think I owe you to know how things turned out.
Not that probably it is too important for you, but just for the time you took responding I feel like at least you need to know what happened.

Here is in brief.

Want to stress out that SHE contacted me few days ago wanting to talk. We talked video SPAM about until 7 in the morning.

She says she is confused and have to clear things in her head. SHe says she is very bad decision maker and needs to work on her issues and stuff (insecurities etc). She also said she feels a bit inferior since she feels like I'm way more ahead in personal development than her. (thats how she expressed it). I tried to comfort her on that, that everyone has or had inner issues that has to work or has worked on.
I haven't pushed her to do or say anything. But I just wanted to have more clarity.
She started asking me what I think about relationship etc - what are my values and stuff regarding relationship. And I told her. She told me hers as well.
The other guy she was dating or whatever was also from another country.

So in general I told her that I'd like to be with her, but if she doesn't want I'll have to move on (as you recomened) and now I really mean it. I wasn't rude or something, but it is what it is.
To the question if she wants to see me - she said yes. So I'll plan a trip there next month as long as she wants.

Eventually I haven't pushed her to do whatever. Told her to do whatever she pleases to, but just to give me some clarity next time we talk (regarding if she wants to be together), because it is other people that also suffer from that. Other girls that I date, but that I have to reject, since I prefer to be with her. And I don't like doing it to them.

So that's the truth so far...

Thank you for your patience and sorry if I offended someone. (maybe I got too much on the nerves of n2thevoid - wasn't intentional - again sorry if that was the case). But I just stand my ground.

The most helpful advice were: getting the attitude that all will be OK, if I move on. (now I get it and feel like that).
Also the "take it or leave it" attitude.

cheers.

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"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."