I love this sentence, so I had to quote it one more time for all the guys that second guess themselves.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

I think I found bartm on Youtube:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR_9Yw[/youtube]

The way you set that up was hilarious

Wow, this was a really good analysis. I appreciate that you took the time to write all that. but you know, "I am busy now" just sounded too much like "I have a boyfriend"...it's like when a beggar asks for a dollar and some people say "not today" that doesn't mean the person intends to donate tomorrow. it's just a nice way of rejecting the beggar. if she was interested, wouldn't SHE offer the solution? "I am busy now, but I will give you my number"? I guess your answer will be girls don't lead and that's my job?

And I don't like the idea of going for the number so quick as you suggest. I dont wanna be one of those guys that walk up to a girl and say "Hi. I think you're pretty. can I have your number?" dont you have to build some chemistry first? i guess your answer will be this was impossible in this situation?

I am not trying to obsess over this one girl or one situation. I am just trying to learn for the future.

you're right. I reject myself before they do. I made a post about this before, I interpret everything ambiguous against me.

I will give an example that happened recently: I was on the bus and I was trying to walk to the back. so you know some buses are tight and it's hard to pass through the isle if someone is sitting in the seat there. so I was passing through the isle and this hot girl who was sitting there moved her leg. a normal person's interpretation: she is being respectful and moving so I can pass through. My interpretation: she thinks I am disgusting and dirty and doesn't want me to brush against her. another ambiguous event: girl takes out her phone. a normal person's interpretation: she is shy. My interpretation: she is not interested.

If I were to actually stop and face the beggar, giving him my full attention (just as the girl did when she actually went up to you), that would be a very strong sign that I might want to give the beggar a dollar or something even if I were saying something that might, on paper, sound like I might be unwilling to give the beggar some money.

"Have you tried getting a job at that place across the street? I saw a Help Wanted sign in the window," I might say. You might take these words to mean that I am unwilling to give you money. But maybe my intent is to give some money if the beggar says that he applied for the job but did not get accepted. The beggar will never know if they just assume that I won't give them anything and just says goodbye or something.

Regardless, it's a terrible analogy. We're not begging women to give us sex or anything like that lol. When I talk to a girl, I'm giving both of us a chance to experience something magical.
One thing you must understand is that, in our patriarchal society, women live under a very unfair double standard. While men are revered for having tons of sexual partners, women are chastised for having sex with literally anyone. In many cultures, including our own, women are seen are more and more worthless the more they have sex with more partners. In many major religions, women who have premarital sex are apparently supposed to be publicly executed. Society puts way too much pressure for women to suppress their own sexual desires. Historically there have been very real and fatal consequences for women to express themselves. Thus we have something called Anti-Slut Defense, or what we PUAs just call ASD for short.

For this reason, you can never expect women to put their own necks on the line by taking the lead in ANY step of seduction. If they take the lead in any way, they're being extremely brave considering all of the societal messages they grew up with that told them that they must remain pure. YOU must be the one to extend your hand and indirectly (or directly) tell them, "It's OK. I'm not one of them. I will not judge you. I will give you the space to truly be yourself and to express your truest, deepest desires. I will show you the way to this world of freedom. Just follow me."
I agree. Going for the number so quick is usually NOT my default move. I like to build some rapport and the girl essentially has to earn enough of my interest for me to want to get her number and see her again. However, your specific situation here called for some quick compromise. There are probably a hundred other good moves you could have made other than getting her number right there and then, but it was the first one that came to my mind.
Yes, I can tell. You're taking a very good approach to this whole process and frankly I am impressed.
The most important challenge for you right now is to change this reactive mental habit. Get into daily meditation in order to speed up the process of thinking more like a cool dude. Practice giving people the benefit of the doubt. Practice imagining women having benign motives for their actions toward you. Practice assuming that every woman is attracted to you on some level (it's a useful delusion). You must consciously practice this mental programming until it overtakes your current mental habits. Then the positive thinking eventually becomes second nature.

Also, please update your FR journal regularly. It's goddamn hilarious and literally my favorite thread on this whole site.

thank you, I appreciate your efforts to help me. it's really kind, you are spending your time to help a random stranger.

I will try to have some more awkward encounters and post in my journal to entertain you. but I am not sure if I can be as awkward as before because back then I thought awkward jokes = flirting. Actually, at the time I didn't know I was being awkward or cringy until the guys here brought it to my attention. I have been focusing on being less weird and I am not sure if my brain can switch back. but I will try, just for you.

Did you join a gym yet, Bart?

not yet. it will be soon, promise.

Pepperspray

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Veni
Vidi
Bitches...

Nice

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

It's simple. And I'm going to try and keep it simple.
Let's say the first paragraph you did all that for self amusement, and not from a place of neediness, and let's say your body language portrayed value.
Then when she says, actually, I have a lot of work to do.
That's a shit test, because she doesn't sound busy in the story, and what is busy really?
And what did you expect her to say, okay, I'll do whatever you say.
Which is funny, because by telling you she's busy, then introduce herself, that's her way of saying take control of this situation, take responsiblity away from me.
What I mean when I say that is, emotionally she wants to sit down, logically she can't. Social pressure etc.
Btw, "your hair is perfect" line is kind of creepy bro. If you wanna give a compliment, you could advance it slightly by just making it a simple push-pull.

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I'm 22 years old!

I can sum-up what Chief is saying in one phrase: ALWAYS ASSUME ATTRACTION.

In adopting this mantra any token resistance will be trivial and pushed aside as easy as it was for Jesus to part the red sea.

Women always put up some sort of resistance, its a good way to weed-out the weak from the strong. No woman wants a meek man.

I agree switching to the "hair" compliment was a bit 90 degree, I am wondering if you did that to diffuse tension you'd felt from her perceived rejection "I have a lot of work to do". Next time STAY with the logistical issue/token resistance and help her work through it with the mindset "she wants to spend time with me but needs help figuring out 'the how' aspect of it". Run it to its end. U'll polarize women more that way; is it risky in doing so? No. What's your alternative to have more soft fluffy convo to build comfort?? Come on. Least this way u'll know if she's truly interested.

Here's a practical tool to use in those anxious situations where you're perceiving rejection:

1) Cue-in to whats going on in your body (not your mind) when you're feeling frazzled from a perceived rejection.

It may feel like a pit-in-the-stomach sensation, or a heaviness in the chest, flush feeling in the face/neck etc...

At this point DO NOTHING other than give that sensation some space to 'breath'. That is all. Just allow yourself to feel it without judging, or evaluating it in any way. SIMPLY observe - much like being on a strange new planet and reporting back to mission control what you're experiencing.

This is often referred to as Somatic work in therapy, and the point of it is to build a greater threshold of tolerance for uncertainty.

2) remind yourself to assume attraction, and she needs your help to making a hang-out possible

I guarantee you if you push through the resistance u'll get more of what you want and less of what you don't want. Perseverance is everything.