That's what I am talking about, I have yet to see another person on here vouch for multiple long terms even though I get a feeling some of you do this without realizing it. There is a difference between MLTR and OLTR.
A multiple long term is where I care strongly for a woman in a romantic way and more than a FB or a friend. You however, date and care for more than one girl as well. I usually have two girls I am seeing regularly once a week. Maybe twice if I really want to.

However, on the other hand an open long term relationships is pretty much a serious girlfriend but you are allowed to have sex with others on the side as strictly a fuck buddy situation or a one night stand. And that's that.

To answer your question about sexual exclusivity, either case they can still sleep around. Usually in my MLTR the girls will be 50/50. Some will sleep around while others will not or they fuck a another guy here and there but it's usually temporary.

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And there I was at one point driving myself bananas for having a severe crush on my gym trainer while being in a relationship.

Hey Mr. A, first off, I'm not telling you you're a bad person, or to be 100% honest and blah blah blah. I'm talking like a buddy giving you a sideways joking glance like "come on man..you know what you're doing." Just thought I'd say that so you dont think I'm chastizing you.

Here's what is confusing...You say you dont state you're seeing other women, and you treat them as special...so how would a girl know its not more serious and exclusive than it is? Think of it from the chicks side; you never say you're with anyone else, and you treat her like she's not one of many, is that NOT going to make someone assume they are in something with commitment? Is it NOT going to make someone think your goal is long term?

So you're dating these women with these bad dating experiences, NOT TELLING them you're seeing other women, TREATING them like they're the only one...can you not see how this sounds like you're leaning them on?

I have to ask, what is the reason for not telling the original girl, "I'm not looking for long term" and then all that other stuff. What is keeping you from verbalizing the truth? And lets be honest, there must be something that kept you from saying the truth about your intentions when she brought it up. When we DONT bring something up, there is a reason. And its not oh it wouldnt have sounded ok. Like if a girl asked you what you did for a living, you dodged the question. You can say that you dodged it to NOT kill the vibe or to be playful, but most of the time, you did so because you felt like saying your job would lose the girl.

A weird story...years ago my friend was graduating and his uncle came by after the ceremony and all that shit. His uncle was an old school pimp, like actually pimped women for money for most of his life. So a few guys and myself are chilling with the guy playing cards and drinking. One guy gets up and says he's gonna fuck one of his girls. The uncle asks him "Oh, you're a player huh." Guy smiles and say yeah, I got a few girls Im fucking.Uncle laughs and asks "you gonna tell the others if they ask where you are that you're fucking another girl?" Guy laughs and says hell no.
Uncle gets serious. He says "you know what...back in my day, "player" meant something. It meant you were a guy fucking a bunch of women, and they knew about each other. If you were at one girls house last night and the secong girl asks what you did, you'd just say I fucked X last night, ate some food and watched a movie. Yall young dudes now, think yall are players cause you fucking a bunch of girls but hiding it from all of them. You taking them out on dates and telling them you were with friends or working when you know you were with another chick." Guy says "well I'm not gonna tell her about some other chick, that would be mean." Uncle says "Bullshit...you're not telling her because you know if you tell her you're fucking other women,she's gone. Yall dudes not doing nothing but treating a bunch of women like you're their bf but acting like you're busy when you need to fuck someone else." Guy says almost the same thing you did "Well Im serious about my girls, and i want to fuck them long term." Uncle almost spits his beer out laughing "Of course you want to fuck them long term! What guy DOES not want to keep fucking a girl?!" There was more but thats what I remembered mostly.

My simple question is, if you were to tell this girl you're not thinking long term with her, no sugar coating, would she stay? If she were to read what you wrote here, which are your true feelings, would she keep your relationship the same? And if she would, why didnt you just tell her?

Anytime we dont say the truth, there is a reason. I just saw this thread in Rel where this guy is asking what to say to a woman who is broaching "what are we" 3 weeks in. Simple truth, even as the OP says it is 3 weeks is too soon to know. But he doesnt want to say the simple truth. Why? Because if he says that, she may disappear. Not saying be 100% honest, but asking you to at least think about what are the real reasons for your actions. When you cant say something to a chick, whats the reason? If the reason is, she may leave if I give her the truth, then fine, dont say the truth. But just know that at the end of the day, you're leading her on. Maybe there is a good sensible reason for not just saying the truth, but then next question to ask yourself is why wasnt it given?

Thank you for clearing that up about the chastising , I appreciate it. To be honest, I only reached my polygamous conclusion maybe like a week ago. I have been searching for concrete answers within myself and within the community to figure out what I wanted. I am still new to this whole polygamy scene. During this time last year, I was doing the same thing but fucked up and got sucked into one of the girls I liked the most's needy frame. I lost and went into a traditional long term relationship. I don't regret it as I learned alot of things about myself and how to treat women, but I would not do it again.

Now back to the our conversation, once again, if I wanted short term relationships with a woman, then yes, I will tell her bluntly what I am. The problem with this is that you are bombarding her with something that comes into contact with her societal programming of everyone should be in a monogamous relationship that will have her running away, her anti- slut defense, and her "oh i don't need a man mindset" then yes you would be correct in saying they will all run away. I will always lose no matter how tight my game is. Society and it's influences will destroy me in the blink of an eye in the beginning if I just started off that way.

I want my relationships to last years and years. What's funny is that I have done that by accident and my main social circle is consisted of girls I have slept with and I haven't promised any one of them monogamy. I am pretty much the only guy they keep around when it's ladies night while every other dudes are ditched because of how drama free I am. So whenever I do a field report with them, it's usually about how they were all grinding on me and feeling me up. I accidentally built this foundation over the years and it is still intact 7 years later. Granted, i don't hook up with them like that anymore but I still get them to be sexually available to me and all I have to do is pull the trigger and not flirt with the other two to avoid drama or to trigger an anti-slut response even though they all know I slept with all three. Society will still poke its head out as if to say "that is still not socially acceptable" and I always have to remember that.

Actually Neo, you are partially right. I have been breaking some polygamy rules and yes, treating her special is the wrong thing to do here. Thank you for calling it out, you are completely correct in that aspect and yes that would be leading a girl on. If I am seeing her more than twice a week, if I am buying her things or spending a decent amount of money on her, and if I somewhat verbalizing relationship and or sending monogamous boyfriend signals then yes, you are correct that I am fucking it up. Thank you for pointing it out.



Now back to just telling her straight up...99% of the time they just know. If they don't realize that I keep condoms on me at all times or question why I have a box of condoms or why sometimes I don't want to see them because I have other things to do etc... Even though you didn’t verbally answer the question, you did answer it. Your answer was, “Of course I’m having sex with other women, but I’m not talking about it.” She hears it loud and clear (unless she’s retarded or deranged)

This works on new women. Even before dating or spending more than 3 dates, they just like the shit out of me so they ask me the whole "are you sleeping around" when she is full of lust. This not answering straight up won't work down the road where she will have to finally hear me verbalize it. But this won't be after like 3 months. She will need to know and I will have to finally verbalize the nonmonagamy.

The funny thing is, that she won't be upset or too pissed about it because I wasn't being deceptive to begin with. It only sounds deceptive to the male ear because it isn't direct language but if you ask me "did you bang Susie" and I just smile and say nothing even though that is indirect.... You know I banged Susie. Same thing works for a girl who asks "did you sleep with Tasha" and I just smile and try to change the topic, she knows I banged Tasha and I just move on and change the topic.

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I'm curious to ask you OP, what do you feel with these women during sex?

I mean, let's say you're rotating 3 girls right now. How does sex feel with each? Does sex feel more special with 1 girl than another? Do you have emotions during sex? Do you look in their eyes?

I'm a female and I just can't do the polygamy thing. I've never done it. Not because I'm ugly or fat, I get hit on regularly but on a psychological level, I just can't have sex for the sake of having sex.

The only time I'll have sex with a man is if he's really worth it aka boyfriend material, hence my number at the age of 29 is a whopping ...3. But I don't hold any regrets. I'm true to myself.

Looks like you have a very narrow view on non-monogamy, like it doesn't involve feelings and it's just for sex. You should check out polyamory: http://www.seattlemet.com/articles/2010 ... sheff-0610

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Of course polyamory is a legit thing. But it wouldn't fly with me. And I've been in a situation of sorts, so no thanks. Too much of an emotional wreck.

That's like saying: I've tried monogamy once, and it didn't work out for me.
But I agree that it can be emotionally challenging.

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Polygamy/polyamory is more of an experimental thing more suitable for the young adults not looking for anything like marriage and kids. And at the end of that article, author divorced her husband. He pushed it so much but in the end, when she found a man, it didn't fly well with him.

First off, polygamy and polyamory are totally different things.
Secondly, polyamory is only experimental for the 20-something who are clueless regarding relationships anyway. The main polyamorous population is people in their 30-40s, sometimes married, sometimes with children, with a +5-year-old mature, stable relationship. If you're interested you can check the interviewee's book "The Polyamorists Next Door," on poly families with children.

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We do what we have to do in order to do what we want to do.

It's not an "experimental thing". That's like saying marriage is an experimental thing for adults looking to start a family.

It's simply a choice you make and as with any choice, you make it with a degree of consideration for your own wants and needs. Obviously if you're in your 30s looking to wife it up and spew a kid, polyamory is not your best bet. It also isn't your best bet if you're a young adult looking for a monogamous relationship or otherwise sensitive the the emotional challenge polygamy may imply.

However it's a huge stretch to say you "don't feel anything while having sex with multiple partners". Firstly, feelings don't always come down to "affection" or "love". Excitement is a feeling. Lust is a feeling. Passion is felt.
That's also not to say you can't get on the mushy side. Yes, you can look two different partners in the eye while having sex. You can nurture feelings for two different people.

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My in depth texting & dating guide.
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Yes, yes, you can but I have yet to find a couple that's into it.

That's not particularly surprising since monogamy tends to be the norm society approves of.

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My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

More than that: people are sacked from their jobs, expelled from their house and even have their children taken away (see the April Divilbiss case) because they're poly. It's against the law to do that, say, because the person is gay or black; but many people see it as legitimate when the person is poly.
So, no wonder poly don't walk around touting their philosophy.

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She means she wants sex but wants to work up a connection to it. Acknowledge what she's saying but move forward to the end goal of sex anyways.

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