Months ago I wrote So I'm adding "things got too comfortable" to the list.

Look man, a relationship shouldnt be this struggle to make it work. You sound like you're married and have kids and trying to stay together for some important reason.
That should have been enough for you to walk. Your gf shouldnt have reasons why you 2 shouldnt be together. And you shouldnt dismiss them, because whatever her reasons are and whether they are correct doesnt matter. The point is she is not on the same page as you.

Whatever this girl tells you, you seem to ignore for your own denial. Thats why I feel sorry for her. Because she cant even leave as she wants. She tells you, Im not really wanting to have you move in, you're like oh that sucks to hear but whatever....lets keep going. When this girl tells you as she has, that you're holding her back, ie she would like to experience dating other people, you just tell her "I let you go out." Which she cant deny. So she stays with you, because you're giving her logical reasons why her emotions are wrong. But she wants to date/fuck other people. Shes not attracted to you anymore. But she cant leave because you'll just tell her "I give you freedom" or "I can fix that."

I appreciate the honesty, but this is you clinging on and trying to fix something thats not working. I dont know, call me crazy, but I'd never be in something where I have to feel uneasy, or second best. Your gf is SHOUTING at you, Im not in love with you...But you keep looking for fixes. Youre manipulating this girl, I can tell.

This story, doesnt end with you and her fixing this and being great. It ends with her one day just getting tired of not feeling the SPARK for you and walking away. And thats the best case.

Edit: Be honest, if this girl called you tomorrow and said " I want to break up" would you just say ok and bye? No. You'd ask why, try to explain her reasons and convince her to stay, and fight her decision. All of this reads like you're the guy a girl has to block to get out of the relationship. Which, is not a good thing.

Yeah if she said that now I wouldn't mind because I have put a lot of energy into this and quite frankly maybe I have been acting too desperate. I'd respect her honesty if she was straightforward but she tells me what I want to hear and then another thing to her friend. She's purposefully having me hold on because she may be giving me signs that are red flags but she is also holding the relationship over my head because she knows I want it. My ego has been involved and I have been trying to make this work and fix what her complaints are but I am realizing that it's that she doesn't want to be in a relationship and not necessarily "us". I am beginning to resent her because I feel led on but I guess she doesn't have the strength to make a clean cut. What should I do?

I don't know why I guess I thought I could fix this but the avalanche of excuses points to something underlying. I guess I feel bad for her too although I wish that she could have been more upfront. Maybe it's my fault since she has been hinting but when I suggested we end it while we still had good feelings for each other last month she didn't want to. I think she's afraid of losing me but wants to live her life.

In college I had 2 friends who were in a relationship. They were happy, they were great. But the guy just had bad luck. Something would always come up that would make it seem like he was cheating. Like, once an ex gf of his called her and said she slept with him the night before, even though the couple were together that entire weekend. Once she found an old pair of underwear in his closet that was from an old girl. Now, the guy was not cheating. He wasnt even flirting with chicks. And his gf (my friend) knew that 100%. And she REALLY was in love with the guy. But she broke it off. I remember asking her why and she said "well I know he's not cheating, but the fact is, all the shit just makes me unhappy." Now, i always remembered this, because here was a girl, who really valued herself, that didnt care whether her bf was actually cheating or not. The drama wasnt making her happy. So she walked away.

My point with that is, simply, you dont sound happy. You're uneasy, you're having to write things off that hurt you, you have to watch what you say. Whether she wants you or not is irrelevant. Whether she's taking cocks now is irrelevant. Either way, you're not happy. She could be the most faithful gf, but so what? You're still not happy. She could be madly in love with you right now, but so what? You're still not happy. Its that simple.

I would literally HATE to be in many of the relationships here where you have to do so much thinking and stressing. Alot of these relationship threads I'd assume kids and money were involved, hence the stress, not 2 people a few months or a year in.

Thanks that was a good story. I definitely want to salvage what I can that I can have later in the future and put this relationship away for now if it is going to continue to be destructive. I want to have a talk with her though.

OP, the writing's on the wall. What further evidence do you need that this relationship is a ghost you're chasing. In her mind the relationship has already ended, and we don't know the depths of her deception. The healthiest thing for you to do now is end things, on your terms while you still can as obviously she's not being direct enough to pull off the bandaid and willing to let things languish while putting all the accountability on you (and your allowing her to).

You're taking all the onus on yourself to 'fix' things which you cannot do. It takes 2, and she's clearly not on board.

This relationship is a headwind for you. It will impede you in becoming a better person, a better man. The more you proceed the deeper into the rabbit hole you will fall, and the harder it will be to escape.

I strongly implore you to think about your future, your values and beliefs and question how remaining tethered to this person is helping you move forward. Seriously.

The more you remain in this, the more pieces of yourself you will lose and it'll take a lot longer to rebuild once this relationship implodes, which it will.

You need to make a decision if you still have the slightest concern for yourself and your wellbeing. Or, get caught up in the undertow, do nothing, and allow yourself to be swept out into the dark sea without any markers to find your way back.

A talk about what though? Giving her the opportunity to trash you/impart all the blame on you? I've been there, done that...it's not fun.

You don't need her approval to move on. You don't need to talk to her for resolution, you give that to yourself.

Simply tell her you no longer want to continue and take care. And then block everything, remove yourself from any social media linking the two of you etc and let the healing process begin.

Just suck it up and ghost her ass. It's easier than you think.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

So I visited my girlfriend this weekend, and I am currently in her apartment as I type this. Upon the first day arriving, I realized she had been messaging and facetiming this other dude quite a bit. A lot in fact. More than me by far. I ran across some other information regarding her hidden desire for him. Dude is coming to see her in like two weeks. Then some info about if this trip doesn't go well, then we are done for. Great, as I suspected. Skip two days to not have much backlash and to have sex, and I bring forth the topic. "You're a lying bitch" I said. Actually I didn't. I took the higher road, said that I know what's up. You're lying, and quite frankly, I no longer care. I hate the pressure of conforming this thing into something to make work, and I hate that I feel so much pressure in general to make you like me, not make mistakes, feel a connection, have sex. Everything. I said it's killing me to try to force this to work. It's draining as fuck. So my solution is simple. Friends with benefits and/or open relationship. I just don't want the expectation of you being faithful, or having the feeling of having something to lose, and I don't want to make decisions wondering how it effects "us". I just want the basics. I just want to feel things out and if I feel something I go for it and if not then I don't. No more rules about how things "should" be. She was in agreement. So, that's that. Now, on to the next. Her rule was to tell each other if we would have sex with each other. Since she was hiding Dude, and he's coming in a few weeks, I expect she won't be telling me shit because it would be self-deprecating, making her a cheater during our relationship. So I won't tell her either for the first one. A freebie. Head to the bar with a friend in town. Friend has friends. Friends are hitting on girls at the bar, and it was clearly not working. So I jump in, sit down, and order a round of tequila shots to change the energy. Girls are now wondering who the hell I am and where I came from. Girl behind me mentions something about not getting a drink. Ignore. Chat up the girl everyone's been hitting on. She likes the way I'm engaging her. Girl behind me wants attention. Some off comment provokes me saying "You want to fuck with me?" She gets the hint of what I really meant. Secured her on that one. Return to the other girl, start chatting and then head to the bathroom. Come back. Friend is now making out with this girl. Perfect. Grab rando girl and this other one and head for the taxi. Get in, and everyone's making out. Then, my friend says we can't leave his brother and haults the taxi driver. I look at what I'm about to get into and decide there's more fish in the sea. I leave. Friend's friend now has a couch surfing girl with him. Perfect. No strings attached. I casually slip into the conversation, and feel out the interaction. At some point I can tell she's eyeing me. I ask her "what do you want?" in a way that gets her thinking. She responds playfully and bashfully with "from you?" and I move on to buying a drink for myself. Couch surfer is orbiting my premises and I know what's good. We head back to the friends place and everyone seems ready for bed. I pull a few more drinks from a fifth with the couch surfer. We collapse on a spare bed, and start making out. I've got her naked, and I slip inside her. A good five minutes into the sexual encounter and I realize my friend is in the other room. Hell, why not? I invite him in, after telling her the deal. Him and I switch off with this girl, but his performance is pretty poor. I take charge, send him to bed, and finish this girl off. End up sleeping for about two hours, and then take the taxi back to my "ex" girlfriends apartment. Shower, type this up, and now I am about to slip under the covers. Things are back in swing.

I'm resubmitting this. As I got home, the ex was especially playful and sexual. We smoked a joint, and went on a walk. I told her some stories of some parties where I hooked up with other chicks. The theme was that it was a funny situation that was worthy of mentioning and in the end I got the chick. Nothing too obvious. We get back to her apartment and jump in the shower. She's been giving me IOI's all night. The shower is full of flirting, and so is the bedroom. She asks for an oil massage. It's obvious where we are headed when she strips down to naked. Long story short, I felt like this was the first time we've really been sexually engaged and connecting this way in a while. Kind of scary to think that all that pressure to make things work made it so hard to just make it feel natural. It's been a good day so far.

Here's one sticking point I seemed to have. I felt the immense pressure to "perform" come off. I'm not sure why so much of this pressure was subconscious, but I always feel this way when I get the "title". It psyches me out, and I feel like I have something to lose, and forget that there's just a person to enjoy company with. That's why I pushed for the no-strings attached attachment because it makes me feel more comfortable and secure. Anyone else dealt with this? I think having a title makes me trigger some attachment issues like fear of rejection or not being lovable. Anyways, here's the sticking point I noticed also. My ex was framing the situation very sexually. She was really turning me on for the first time in a while. I could see all the signals and I couldn't help but notice myself continuing not to connect on that level. I'm not sure why, but what came out of my mouth continued to change the frame to something either more serious or unrelated. I just felt like I couldn't flirt! Unfortunately, towards the end, I could tell I had slowed down her desire and it had become somewhat burnt out. I was able to salvage that reading the signs and turn it around but I really wanted to fuck her when she was obviously turned on and not as she was cooling down. Any idea what's going on there? I felt like I might have been overanalyzing the situation (weed) and being somewhat avoidant. Could I have sexual anxiety? I'm not sure why it was this way, especially when it isn't this way with other girls. Maybe I still have some of that pressure to perform crushing my ability to feel natural about all of this.

You are completely over analyzing everything you do, like trying to understand paranoid people better, by following them around.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Omg. I read this in the morning.. Thought I was dreaming and passed back out. But it's true?! Come on man.. You found a way to cling onto this chick who was cheating on you. I'm lost for words right now

You've been on this forum how long and yet act surprised????? REALLY?!

Heywood: yes, I feel that way. She made comments about me not being present too. I have been really in my head and I am beginning to realize the state of my mind at this time.

Who are you addressing N2?

So I am guessing I was supposed to make a cleaner break? I think I miscommunicated. We are not in a relationship. We are single. We left it as if we see each other in the future, we are open to the idea of hooking up. Didn't want to make it sound like I just downgraded our relationship from exclusive to open.

This says a lot.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

In hindsight, yes it does. Obviously she doesn't mind ending it on good terms, but why is it that I don't? I just need to get away from this relationship.