One of the girls I am seeing is starting to poke at the bear to see if I will budge. I won't. I've been pretty good at treating my ladies as equals. I asked her to go deeper into why she was saying this to me. And she came up with the age old response, "guys have used me in the past just for sex" or "I've been abused".


So I knew it wasn't me. Just past baggage. I am still going to play it the way I've been playing it. She's like " I don't want to see you just to fuck". My goal isn't long term here. She knows I see other women (never overtly told her this but why would I) but I never make her feel like one of the many. For now it is what it is.

Now I've matured a lot since joining this forum, I understand where she is coming from. She just wants to know if I like her for her. Which is the usual for every girl in this world. Which is understandable. Just up the charm and sprinkle a little romance factor. Noted.


What are your thoughts from your own experiences ?

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Anytime ive had that happen it was usually because they needed to feel a bit more of an emotional connection.

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Lol. This was so funny. Basically, chick is telling you she wants you to like her for more than just sex, you say its "old baggage" but you're going to pretend to like her more to continue to fuck her.

Its not past baggage. You're going to do nicer things for her, make her feel like you care more...continue to fuck her...she'll be fine for a while..then will push for something more serious to the point where you have to tell her you cant give her that. She'll be disappointed and realize that everything you did to build a connection was just to continue fucking her. You will add to her baggage about being used for sex.

I just think its funny because we as men always act like we're not guilty of doing the same thing a girl is suspicious of. We'll try to fuck a chick on the first night and if she says she's not fucking on the first night, we'll blame her assumption on her past...when we very well know we're trying to fuck her on the first night! We'll be cheating on a girl and if she asks to see our cell phone we'll blame it on her insecurity when we know we are cheating on her.

It is what it is. I'm just saying, you gotta be honest with yourself that you are going to add to her baggage when things finally get to the point she pushes for real exclusivity. You'll be just another guy who sprinkled in charm and romance to continue fucking her, same as was the last guy who gave her baggage. Sprinkle in the charm and romance, sure....you can continue fine with her for a while..but its just doing the same thing she's afraid of; pretending to like her more than you do to keep fucking her.

Hello Neo, I still got some jaded views lingering. It's a work in progress. But I just see the matrix clearly. That's why I said it how i said it. Sprinkle some romance and some connection and i will be fine. Been happening with a couple of chicks lately but I guess that's how it is when you live in abundance. You forget to connect with them properly because you already have others. But that is a topic for another time.

I do like her as a person, so it's not really pretend. it's just damn, she has been laying it on thick since the first moment we met. Pretty much how guys act when they get needy towards a woman.. I actually have tried to pace her out to help her out but it's ingrained in my head. because she is cool and all, it's just a shame. I know I will make her fall for me because I have a tendency to do that... for making women fall in love, but she is aware of the situation. I am honest with myself and I have been honest with her... I am not keeping her against her own will. Nor am I telling her that we are going to be in a relationship anytime soon. As for any other chick, I explicitly tell them I got school and work to balance and I need to focus on that right now. If she wants to leave, she can leave. Just because I am keeping her happy and making her experience with me a great one, doesn't necessarily mean I will be adding on to the baggage. This is probably the healthiest relationship she has been in. Not to toot my own horn but I do like hearing "wow I never felt this before" or "wow, that's a new one"

I take care of her, as I take care of my other girls. Emotional needs are being met and so are the sexual ones. I like having women in my life.

Whatever happens isn't completely on me, it will be on her as well. If she chooses to stick around. Who am I to turn down a woman thirsting for a divine man.

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Hey Mr A, I didnt pick up on your views being jaded. What I'm trying to say is, the last guy prob liked her as a person too. He prob took care of her too. He probably didnt lie to her as well. He prob just did what you will do, NOT be direct with his intentions; say the truth in a vague way that gives her hope.

For eg, we tell chicks as you did "we're focusing on school and work RIGHT NOW." But we KNOW thats not the truth. Even if it is, we know its to dodge commitment right then. We know that saying we are doing XYZ right now so hence cant commit, gives hope that well after he's done with XYZ he'll be able to. We know the truth is, look I dont want you to EVER be my gf, but we wont say that. We'll say "we're just seeing where it goes." When we know very well that the harsh truth will just cut off the sex well.

When you say you see the matrix, are you really? Cause if you're taking stock in her saying wow I have never felt like this, then you're more likely still living in the matrix...not seeing reality. Last guy she was with, she said the same thing. And felt the same. And she'll say so and feel so for the next guy. I make that point to say, you are no different from the guys before you who left that baggage. Seeing the matrix is understanding that reality, that everyone just goes from person to person, feeling THIS time its special, to continue and continue. People always look back and see the flaws on the past, thinking the present guy/girl is so much better. And when it ends, they'll look back on the flaws and think the next guy/girl is so much better.

I'm just saying that her baggage (at least some of it) comes from guys leading her on. Thats true for many girls. And we DO lead them on when we're not direct. That doesnt mean you're a bad person or shouldnt give her hope, but you know if you were being honest with her, you'd tell her "I dont want long term from this" which is not going to be as well received as your other options. We bend the truth. And the guy before, he bent the truth too. It is what it is. It's shitty, but just take a step back and ask why was I just not honest with her and said I dont want long term from you? Because whenever we arent honest and direct, its to lead the person on, to not lose what we have.

Many of us lead women on, then we think that we are different from the last 5 guys who did the same.

I don't give anyone hope. If they fantasize about being with me even though it is clear that I am not in the market for a relationship, that's not my fault. It's her romance novel mind going into autopilot due to my seduction skills. But it is the truth, I am focused on my career and school which leaves barely any time for myself or a significant other. I am not bending the truth, that is the truth. I even talk about moving back to NYC in two years, hopefully if I get my shit together. But I tell these girls they are free to do whatever they want and I want them to be happy and if it is in another dudes arms then so be it. I explicitly tell them that. I can't be more honest than that. If they stick around then oh well. She is a grown woman. She can do whatever she pleases.

I am a firm believer of letting relationships just growing. Why would I tell a girl off the bat "I am seeking a relationship". That's to me sounds try-hard, just feel things out and screen the girl and just keep seeing her until she becomes your girlfriend if that is what you want from her after hanging out some more. NOW , if all I wanted was sex, then I would go for sex, but I don't want just sex, that shit is boring if I don't even enjoy the chick as person, i'd rather fuck my hand than deal with someone with a boring personality.. Unfortunately, there is no term for this because this isn't a fuck buddy situation.... The closest thing to what I am doing is having multiple long term relationships. The second girl in my rotation demanded sexual exclusivity but I could still hang out with other women just not sexually, she gave me the ultimatum. Did I bend the truth so I can keep banging her ? No, I told her that I couldn't promise her that. And we parted ways.

I disagree with thinking you aren't any different from the previous guy or the next guy. You should always strive to be best version of yourself. I would never shoot myself in the foot and say "oh that guy was better than me or I am the same as the next guy" because I honestly could care less about the next guy or the previous guy. All I care about is how I am doing and how I am treating her. Yes, people focus on the flaws, but you also remember the good times and that is why most of the girls always hit me up now and then or stalk my profile to say hello. So I disagree about the baggage part. I am healthy baggage if you want to go down that road. I don't do all that cynical thinking of people are just bouncing around blah blah even if the reality is that they are... Every interaction is an experience. That kind of thinking just gets me down, if I thought every time a woman said something to me that was nice or a compliment and I thought about how she has said it to countless other men then I would have stay in my jaded view. I would treat women like shit and never appreciate the things they say to me because I would be like "oh here we go, she's just trying to one up me here". I know when people are just saying things just to say it and I know when it's genuine. Same way when women know when you are being sincere.

I do know that her previous man was the jealous type and very possessive and I have gotten that response in my experience from most of the girls i have dated. Stories of how one bombshell told me that a dude after 3 dates deleted her Tinder app like they were dating. That's what reinforces my thought on "shit, I am more emotionally stable than most of these guys" and it is the truth when you see some of the shit being posted on these forums or what you see in real life.

And back to the matrix thing, all I meant is that I know where I am fucking up in the seduction process. Emotional connection is my sticking point.

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If she's looking for serious commitment and you are not, then be a real man and tell her straight up you are not interested in a long term relationship with her. Just like that.

But, perhaps you are hesitant to do that because then, she'll leave.

It's not difficult at all to tell a person straight instead of giving vague answers, eg. not right now, maybe some time later, let's just have fun for now, etc.

How old are you? Sounds like 23-25 tops.

Wow, darn, I agree with you. I think he is misleading her for his own advantage and hers, to an extent. Same applies for women. Women may lead men on, but men are what I like to call hypersensitive when it comes to misinterpreting every small gesture.

I'm non monogamous.

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Tell her that. Tell her now matter how deep the relationship evolves, you are not in the for the long haul. And that if she's looking for a committed partner, then she should look for another man. You might have to share, though.

I am in it for the long haul but as long as it's non monogamous. I don't have to tell my long term girls that explicitly, only if she ever became my open long term girl would I have to explicitly state it. They are two different things. I already covered all this in my response to Neo except stating I am non monogamous so I won't repeat myself again

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What is this girl looking for? Marriage?

Then she's stupid for sticking around if that's what she's after.

Huh? If she is your long term girl now how is she not your OPEN long term girl? Is it not open right now? What's the difference between her being a long term girl and you sleep with other girls but not an open long term girl?

Good! Make me a sandwich.

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