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So basically this guy is saying he wants an open relationship with her.
Just ignore her, dude. Like truly, honestly don't contact her for weeks.
They come back if you gave them orgasms. They always do.
Fuck other women, and don't contact her.
I got dumped 8 months ago by a girl I liked. I went out and banged other women. One of those women blew my mind and we've been dating for 7 months (with a one month break because I was a dick). You know you've found a good girl when she completely wipes out the jerk off material from the girl who you thought was "the one".
Long story short, the ex who dumped me 8 months ago completely blew up my phone a couple weeks back, literally begging me to fuck her from behind. I agreed, told her I'd contact her later that evening after work...
...and never did. And then I ignored the rest of her messages on FB, text, and voicemail.
Her friends PM'ed me her Facebook rant the next morning. Muahhahaha.
this woman has lost respect and attraction for you. No contact is the "cleanse". Sometimes it takes weeks, sometimes months. But if you added value to their lives (sexually, emotionally, etc) they will be back after they realize this.
And then you have the power, and the right frame to make the best decision.
I can attest to that. My ex of who I was with for almost 2 years will contact me every 4-5 months - we'd tried a few times to 'make it work' (it rarely if ever does), both times 4/5months of no contact later she's snooping online (fake FB accounts, 'friending' friends of mine, 'liking' soundcloud songs of mine, one time even showing up outside my place at 11pm on her bicycle). Some girls are completely cray like that, I'd learned my lesson a while ago, it aint worth it particularly if all you're holding onto is the nostalgia of it all. Your brain will f*ck with you for a while hyping up all the 'good' times, forgetting the bad (temporary amnesia), and the worst is when you hold onto the EXPECTATION she'll return it keeps you in a holding pattern disabling you from moving on).
Leave this one alone, it won't have a happy ending, that much is for sure. And if you think u'll be ok with an open relationship, just wait till that (if ever) happens. U'll be in a world of hurt not trusting her, thinking she may be boinking some other guy, etc.. u'll be in far worse pain than you are now believe it or not.
There are other women out there. There will be other loves, ones who will reciprocate and give you the love you deserve (and deserve). But this will only come about after you've done some soul searching and learn what it looks like to first love one's self, in addition to letting your wounds heal.
For me goal planning has always helped. I choose not to get involved with anyone simply because I know the wound for me is still open, and will need time to heal. I have times where I do feel lonely, and I've learned to be cool with that, taking the good with the bad. When I feel in despair I'll do something kind for myself; call a friend to catch-up, workout, work on my business plan, read a book, have a netflix night, etc..
Whenever your mind shifts to her, redirected your focus to something that fills you. Get rid of any other headwinds in your life that keep you from progressing forward. This requires some brutal honesty. Remember, where you are in your life right now is in a sense the result of the lump sum of decisions you've made till this point. Start making better decisions, start bringing some self-respect back to yourself and living life the way YOU want to.
*******
Upon re-reading nathoonder's 'shameful' post it reads more like a desperate plea for help than anything. We've all been there, maybe not his exact situation but something similar so lest we judge. It's frustrating when we see guys who are where we once were ourselves. When I was working as an Addictions Counsellor I witnessed countless times how some of the more señor experienced guys in the program (ones who are on their 3rd, 4th, or 8th stint of 12-Step) would get exasperated with younger, naive guys in the program. They'd often project onto them calling these less experienced guys out, often alienating them in the process. Why? Because they saw themselves in them and it stirred up a lot of anger and resentment.
I don't think Nathoondser's situation is really any different. He was obviously compelled to come here for a reason, some shard of hope to get himself out of this, and to me that's deserving of some encouragement (to move forward). A lot of guys would simply say one thing here and do the complete opposite, at least he's being transparent, for better or worse. Maybe he'll have to experience a few more harsh dumps from this person. If that's what it takes for him to finally get it and evolve, so be it, it's not going to cost me anything, that's his choice.
CHAT
