Every time since I was child, when I start feeling deeper connection and some bond with a girl/woman I start imagining us having relationship. Although I cover it on the outside and try to look casual, fun and light hearted, deep inside this is my desire. To have ONE woman I can really trust, value, respect, love etc. and she vice versa of course.

And any time I get more different relation from a women I start imaging us being together. When I keep my cool and they remain around. But at some point when an external event happens (for eg. another guy steps in the picture as now) I feel somehow threatened and all the cool I used to have is gone and thus the woman too.

IDK what is the problem with that, but it is really causing me mass suffering and is not appealing nor attractive to the women neither.

I never had a LTR before and every-time I start getting into one I have the deep feeling like I'm heading in uncharted waters and eventually I hit the rocks and ship breaks in pieces.
This happened 10 yrs ago and looks like it is still happening and when it does it lowers my self-esteem. Negative thought start to creep in - like maybe I'm not destined to have RS ever, what is wrong with me etc. etc. I know most of those are completely imaginary, but it feels like my brain plays tricks with me.

_________________
"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."

You've got to create new reference points/experience so I am recommending you date a variety of women, and yes at once. Not telling you to get laid or anything like that, rather to build up a catalog of experiences with various women which is a way to short-fuse your attachment style (Anxious) and in turn find one well suited to your needs.

I don't mean to argue right now, however I already did that. Since the last time I felt like that (when I was 19) I fell with a girl that I had been with for 4 months. Then this nasty behavior appeared again I said things that underlie jealousy. No wonder a bit time afterwards she dumped me.

Since then for the last 10 yrs I dated dozens if not hundredths of women. I dated bad chicks, I dated good ones, I dated shy, high maintenance, short, tall, different culture etc. True this gave me lots of experience and insights for do's and don'ts.

However seems like 10 yrs later the same issue reappears again, even when I already had that multiple experiences.

_________________
"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."

Do you have a habit of attracting unobtainable or emotionally distant women?

You're not picking these girls up in that little gay car you have in your sig are you? If so that may be the problem (jk)

Haha - no I actually I don't have a car. And the weird grey thing is an lit electric motorcycle.
It costs about $10K btw. Probably if I had it, picking chicks would be automatic - I'm kidding for that too.

Anyway to the point.
IDK if I have the habit of attracting unattainable or emotionally distant women. Probably not, since the girl I'm telling you when I was 19 now has a LTR. I don't feel romantically for her, but the recent experience made me remember that situation.

I think I have a good sense of choosing mate since: 1st. I grew in stable family with loving parents I have some mental model of what a quality woman is. (basically with internal qualities like my mothers)
2nd - I quickly can figure out if a woman has issues - like being over emotional, drama queen, gold digger etc. I've bad experience with such back when I was younger and this makes more vigilant now.

So probably the problem lies when I find the good qualities in a woman and start feeling different toward her.
But what it does mean - should I change my preferences and date unhealthy women. Probably not.

What do you think.

Thank you for your time btw - it really helps me out to dissect my psyche and eventually find and clear the problem out.

_________________
"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."

The reason I keep asking about the status of the relationship is because its confusing what the actual arrangement was. Initially, you said you and her agreed to an open relationship, but now that doesnt seem the case. A girl you're sleeping with, leaving for another country and who continues talking to you, is NOT her agreeing to an open relationship. If she had agreed to an open relationship, her sleeping with someone else is ok, her dating seriously someone else is not.

So, I'll assume this girl never agreed to any commitment with you and this was not an open relationship. So, you met a girl who you liked, dated, fucked, she went back to her country, you remained in contact and talked. She met someone else. When you found out she has a bf now, you told her you 2 shouldnt talk. Now, I dont know why you'd go back on that. Your reason supposedly was because you wont want to talk to a girl in a relationship, but if thats the case, why do you need to change that now? If you dont agree with talking to a chick in a rs, then let her talk to her bf. You didnt yell at her, say anything disrespectful, so why do you really need to make this apology or it will haunt you?

You wont be able to move on if you dont apologize? Come on man. Even if you want to let her know you wanted her to be your gf but you were too afraid to talk about it for that year and you just wanted to be honest, it shouldnt be something haunting you.

How has Corey Wayne helped you, when you still havent been in a relationship? Thats like me saying Dave the personal trainer has helped me when I still havent lost any weight. Again, I will never understand this habit in the community of giving thanks for something that hasnt been working for you or hasnt worked for you yet.

You sound needy man. And thats why you get LJBFed. You try to hide your neediness, as CW advises, instead of eliminating it. You have to have the mindset that with or without X girl, you'll be fine. A passion, hobbies, friends, family. You have to value yourself. Many guys think that neediness is calling a girl constantly because you need her, so they dont call her constantly even though they want to. The neediness is the part where you need her, whether you show that or not. I dont know where your neediness stems from, but I can tell you're not comfortable with yourself.

Look man, a loving girl can fuck your best friend. You can walk in on your gf sucking 5 cocks. Your gf can tell you tomorrow after 6 years of a loving relationship that she wants to go back to her ex. ANYTHING can happen. You have to be able to know that whatever happens with a chick, good or bad, you'll be ok. If bad happens, if she rejects you, you'll be fine.

You are damn right for that. A man has to be self sufficient entity.
Regarding me - I do have my goals, ambitions, passions, hobbies, friends etc.

However problem starts when I get affectionate with someone over time. Love leads to neediness creeping in.
Idk sometimes I feel like don't letting yourself feel love or affection is the way it is. Or maybe there is a way to love but not being needy about it.

Regarding Corey Wayne - I learned that if a girl/woman says to you LJBF, and you don't like it - the best option is to say in a sense: "this is something I'm not agreeing with, I don't want friendship from you. I want XYZ - if you change you mind - let me know" and the leave and never come back.

This looks to me as the perfect strategy for when you get LJBF-ed. What do you think?

_________________
"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."

What are you needy tendancies?
I know many guys agree with this, but honestly I dont.

Firstly, I dont want to fuck a chick who doesnt want to fuck me. I dont want to be in a relationship with a chick who doesnt want to be in one with me. I wont want to tell a chick what CW said, because I wont want to fuck or chick or get a relationship from a chick through having to give her no other option.

Look at it this way,...how a LJBF typically happens. Lets say I meet an attractive chick, flirt and we go on a date.

Either
a) She has a cool personality
or b) she has a lame one

So if its girl a) we go on a few dates, have a good time, can talk and all that, we may fool around. Lets say around date 3 she tells me lets just be friends. Now all Ive done with this chick is have some laughs, maybe sex...but its not like I have FEELINGS or CONNECTION with her. She's just a chick I'm attracted to who isnt attracted to me. If she's a cool chick, I'd be disappointed but I may accept her offer to just be friends. I'd be crazy if I couldnt be around her because of THE CONNECTION WE SHARED IN MY OWN HEAD, when at the most I'm just attracted to her. I'd be crazy if I felt emotional pain being around a chick who isnt attracted to me but likes my company. You shouldnt be getting serious feelings for chicks just because they're hot and interesting. Its not a wound to my ego, no feelings are or should be involved at this point. So if she'd make a good friend, fine.

If b) and she's lame, but i want to sleep with her, thats what I would keep the relationship as. I wont hang out with her initially as I did with the girl I enjoyed hanging out with. If the lame hot girl LJBFs me, well then I'd walk, because I wont want her as a friend anyway. The thing she had to offer me was sex, if thats off the table, the relationship can end.

In neither case would I try to change the chicks mind. Heck, I honestly wont want them to. I like women who like me. I connect with women who connect with me. A connection is a two way street. If you're the only one feeling a connection, that you desperately need to hold on to or nothing else, then its just an infatuation.

And if girl a) I'd known for a while, and lets say we really had a connection (both ways) and lets say one day she springs on me LJBF...well its disappointing, but again, i wont want her to want to be with me because I say its this or nothing. If I'm not what she wants, let her find it. Again, whether I remain friends with her depends on whether a friendship is beneficial....NOT whether my ego is so wounded that a girl doesnt like me like that that I cant be around her.

I guess, one chick liking or not liking me doesnt mean anything much either way. If I'd like to be friends, we'll be friends. If I dont, we wont.

_________________
mpuaforum.proboards.com

It seems you lose yourself quickly when you find a girl you like. That IS the very definition of neediness.

It's as though you willingly abandon yourself and make her needs the most important thing for you, meanwhile ignoring your own. Piss poor boundaries.

It seems you lose yourself quickly when you find a girl you like. That IS the very definition of neediness.

It's as though you willingly abandon yourself and make her needs the most important thing for you, meanwhile ignoring your own. Piss poor boundaries.[/quote]

Yes I tend to get being NOT me when I get to real like some girl (aka fall in love). And in order to love her it usually takes lots of time - months, so so we can establish deeper connection than just casual date and sex.

IDK how for you guys but for me I get really in love when I get connected on some more deeper level than sex and physical attractiveness. IDK if that is right or wrong.

I don't think being cold blooded bastard when I get deeper connection with a women is the way to go. On the other hand acting like a fool wuss in love is not the right way to go neither, since neediness creeps in then.

What is your opinion on that though ?

_________________
"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."

Your view is extreme. It's not either helpless in love or cold blooded bastard.

You can love someone and they can be the most important person in the world. Aside from your own self.
You fuck up when you put other people's needs ahead of your own. Not doing so doesn't make you a cold blooded anything, it makes you a smart guy and it inevitable leads to a successful relationship.

Besides you don't start relationships with just about anyone. The two of you should be on the same wave length and as such your needs will often coincide.
Ofcourse you can be connected. What you can't be is dependent.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Agree with that.

Btw - do you think is wrong to go out, date many people, but on the inside deeply want to be in committed RS.

I feel like my desire and dream to have LTR one day is preventing me from having one when I see a potential girl for such. Since as a teenager when I started my en devours with women I've wanted to have something exclusive. 15 years later - the most exclusive thing I got was one year of SPAM talking with this girl I posted in the other thread (and yes I've slept with her initially).

Do you think the desire to have LTR allows the neediness appear?

Btw where in Romania are you located. (you can PM me on that)

_________________
"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."

I'm situated in Cluj at the moment.

Regarding your question, no, I don't think there's anything wrong in wanting a committed relationship. I do however think there's a problem in obsessing over it, which I'm assuming you are.

The more pressure you put on something the higher the chances of fucking it up.

I said it before. This is not something that can nor should be forced either actively or passively.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Yes - makes sense.

If you ever come to Varna (Bulgaria) - you can message me.

_________________
"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."