Its our second major breakup and she finally started moving her stuff out monday. She wants to come back and get her furniture Sunday...Haven't talked with her or texted her since and she just texted me :

"Would you help me move my furniture on Sunday if you're home or should I bring a friend for muscle?"

The last words she said to me before she pulled off Monday was that she wasted 4 years of her life with me...I know she was hurt so I took it with a grain of salt....I do still love her obviously, but had intended NC for at least a couple weeks...

How should I respond to this text? Hell I don't even know how I should even play this regardless of if I should help her or not...

Before joining the forum I spent so much time looking up how to get your ex back but I'm not sure about what you should do. Look up break up brad on YouTube and check out his vids and take a look at this article. Of course I'm no expert but i think you shouldn't help her. Just move some of the stuff closer to the door beforehand so she can get out asap. Keep your contact with her limited. Pretend that you are fine and unhurt keep things chill. Use this time to think about what went wrong and why she wouldve wanted to break up. You guys have been together for four years so i doubt youre facing neediness issues. Once you think youve found your answer dont just go to your ex saying hey i know what went wrong and am willing to change. Just keep it cool as much as you can. Dont be bitter. When she comes and you show that youre fine without her she might start regretting her decision but dont expect results. Keep us updated on how things go.

LOL



I only laugh because I was in your situation 2 years ago. I will say this. How did it end ? Was she being disrespectful ? If the answer is yes, tell her to bring a friend. My ex who I lived with at the time was EXTREMELY disrespectful the last couple of weeks. She knew better than to ask me to help her move. I stayed my ass in my room and watched a movie while she moved her shit out with her parents and her "rebound" dude. I was done with her shit. So when she moved out that is what I did.




Now if yall are on ok terms, I would suck it up and help her move out of there faster. Once the move is done just say your goodbyes and leave it at that. DO NOT talk about your relationship or anything else. Just keep it professional and sulk if you need to in the privacy of your vacant house.

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This.

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Probably this is not the answer you wanted to your question, but this ^^ is the best way to go.

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"Adapt what is useful, reject what is useless, and add what is specifically your own." - Bruce Lee

Never listen to what somebody THINKS about you (e.g., "wasted 4 years of my life"), always try to hear the need beneath - u'll live much longer, much happier, and have much healthier relationships with people yourself included.

"wasted 4 years of my life" = I am extremely frustrated because my desire for mutuality in this relationship isn't being met.

Thanks guys...I read the responses over the weekend and didn't contact her further but she did contact me Sunday by text when I'd be going by my grandpaws house for Fathers' Day, supposedly she had someone who would help her get her stuff since I was choosing just not to be there.

However for whatever reason she couldn't come and said she's coming get it next week if it was alright since she was going to this Game of Thrones watch party or something.

Its been 7 days since she officially left and yeah I'm starting to crack a bit even though I know I should just chill (Them latenights when its time togo to bed and ain't nobody there lol)...Trying hard to talk with other women daily and just be around family but the shit hurts as most of us know.

Im toggling back and forth on if I want her back, yet not knowing...yet knowing I'll probably have to see her again at least to get the rest of her stuff... and what emo shit thats gonna bring out of me and/or her...

Just trying to figure out what I should do here... Thanks for the feedback already

Go for a walk or a run. Watch a show, watch reruns. You need to get her out of that apartment as soon as you can. I went through withdrawal when my ex moved out. You know what the first thing I did once she officially left, I took a breathe of relief. Seriously, it was that bad the last couple of weeks and I was so happy she was gone. I suggest that you make sure she is out the next time she says she will be. Even give her an ultimatum, tell her to seriously get her things because you have things that you want to move in (even if you don't). You don't want her lingering around because it's unfair to you since it is your place now. If you have to, like I said, suck it up and help her move. Just get her out of your radar.


Stop thinking about getting back with her, once she started moving out she made her choice. Give it some time.

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You need to put a deadline on that shit. Then cut all ties. Her little helper is keeping her occupied enough where getting her shit isn't a big concern.

Give her your notice, if she does not comply, sell the good shit on craigslist, burn the rest in the back yard.

You don't really want her back. Your dick is just going through some withdrawals.

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Context is nice. Why did you break up?

I just had a break up with my gf a month ago, and she came back last week. I'm good with it. I live in a small town with very few 10's, and fucked other girls during the split, but it was terrible (the few I do want here have boyfriends, you just wait it out).

I used ten days of no contact, and showed up at a bar where she was at with a very attractive date, which drove her nuts (especially since she's ravenously bi and probably wanted her) and made her initiate contact until we had sex again, which changed everything.

When your ex gf tells you "she'll bring muscle", she's trying to make you jealous. She isn't over you.

She's in a state of hurt for something you did (or didn't do) and probably can't stand to look at you. Same thing happened with me. All you can do is make NO CONTACT and let those bad feelings wash away. If she dumped you for being emotionally unavailable/gaming her too hard (it's happened to me) DON'T do 30 days of no contact. That just reinforces her opinion. 10-14 should work fine.

At that point initiate if you have to. Don't talk about the relationship unless she does. Be confident, cocky, charming and fit. If she brings things up, talk about how you just want to have fun and not talk about complicated things. Turn it back to the start of you two.

If she talks relationship and what you did wrong and you want her back (or just the sex) take her hand, look her in the eyes like a man and specifically apologize.

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@Arch or whomever else

Context- We got back together about a 1 1/2 ago after breaking up for a few months over me having women in my phone from work, she got in my phone found out this chick at my job was kinda in love with me and when she wasn't showing me attention I got it from work girl, however no sex took place (she don't believe it though)...

Anyways we decided to give it another run because we have a lot in common and we had so many goals to travel around the world, so I leave a comfortable (money wise) living situation and decide to rent a house so we can move in together and begin our life.

About 3 months in, out of the blue, I find out I'm getting terminated from 1 of my 2 jobs...everything depended on me keeping that job. So I naturally expected her to step up and find some work...

Over about an 8 month span she really couldn't get anything and I became very resentful that I was losing our nest egg and she wasn't doing (in my mind) enough to help. I was very angry at times, very passive aggressive toward her and basically I made it not so clear that if she doesn't work there will be no more perks...

This girl is a feminist and activist type millennial who won't work for anybody it's always gotta be the perfect situation...she had a decent job and overheard her boss say a racist comment and so she quit the job, so she don't play...she also has some PTSD stuff from her past that has made dealing with this stuff worst...

Nevertheless, we still had some amazing times...sex for the most part is exceptional (she is bi aswell so we've had some good experiences), we have passion for similar interests that was a good deodorant for hiding the tension...

I felt like our growing money concerns was the thing that knocked us off course. Emotionally she says I've ignored her for months and treated her like shit because she's not contributing (which sometimes I have, but he'll I explained to her months before officially losing my other job that we'd need more)...

Just wanted this damn girl to get a job she's 26...I'm 37 so I felt like this year was a huge chance for us to attack our goals, but now I've lost about 10 grand overall with this situation and she knows I blame her for it...

I was very narcissistic and self absorbed when I met this girl, over the course of 4 years she honestly made me a better person with her honest nature and her passion on social issues, but once I see my bank account bleeding I go into self preservation mode...

So a lot of swirling emotions over this...I mean I basically got this girl a BIG 3 bedroom house to do whatever she wanted while I work to pay the bills and instead of flourishing in a situation like that she becomes depressed and despondent...

She's basically accused me of emotionally abandoning her and I'm accusing her of giving up on our "dream life" by not finding work...

The deceit in loving a woman sometimes, is that most men fall in love with assumed personality, but eventually live with their true character.

Choose happiness.

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Lo fucking l.. Man I'm rolling at work reading this.

Oh fuck... Haha

The bs you guys let these women pull on you.. She's just LAZY..

Anyways YOU set up the situation of the young chick living with no job at your big place. So you should've been the one to get your money back on track. I'm not an advocate of letting chicks be lazy but that was your arrangement. You didn't require her to provide or help. So don't ask her to now.

She didn't give up on your dream life. The dream was you paying the bills for your 26 year old gf. You wanted the rules to change which they didnt.

So we are just going to turn this thread on how to get this chick back ? Or can we focus on getting this chick out of your house ? I haven't read anywhere where the OP has chosen that path...or acknowledge it.

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I believe he asks whether he should help her to move out or not give any helping hand and let other people do that, so it is pretty much a done deal that she is moving out.

After such a long time in a relationship of course it will start to get youand you will feel down just like everyone of us did at some point. The part you mentioned that the sex was amazing and having threesomes cause she was bi it is not going to help. Good sex and connection with partner is definitely a huge aspect that you will miss but she was not suitable to meet your needs in the long run and you are better off.

Seems like she was not up to par for having financial and life responsibilities and you were feeling her being ungrateful for taking your providing for granted. She knew that too but was too lazy to even make the effort or address it or even express her gratitude for what you were doing for her. I have a feeling that if she was showing gratitude you would not have been resentful towards her.

But do you want to be with someone ungrateful?

She still keeps the things at your place as an anchor.. Take everything and pile them in a corner of the living room or somewhere and give her a time limit to come and collect them. Having them around is not going to help you move on my friend.