| Allow me to preface this in saying that I've had long term, immensely severe social anxiety that I have been actively working to put behind me. There was a time when I was *almost* unable to speak to anyone unless they were in direct authority over me.
After a particularly disheartening first date with random Tinder gal #1 (arguably not even worth my time) several months ago, I found myself to be slipping into a deep depression. A failed suicide cured my motivations in a way I can't even begin to understand.
I understood my mission to be: rebuild your personality.
Since my darkest night, I have worked and worked to form my brightest days. I constantly exposed myself to the outside world. Early on, I developed the idea that speaking to strangers is nothing; I could practice whatever and just never see them again if I so chose. I began to toss aside my low self-esteem and take pride in my work. This is when I also began taking more care of my health.
At present day, I am steps upon steps closer to becoming the best Bran I can be. I am several friends richer and have found a sense of purpose in this world.
My point of profound realizations came today, in the contrast between a date with random Tinder gal #1 and random Tinder gal #2. (I know, I need to work on real approaches).
The date of the day went far more smoothly than my past self could have ever imagined. The conversation was natural. Playful. Flirtatious. I made her laugh so many times. Over the course of three hours, there were only brief guest appearances of the dreaded awkward silence.
While I am amazed at my progress thus far, I will also take a moment to acknowledge my current shortcomings:
1. She had made a couple of hints at a second date, but I wasn't brave enough to capitalize on that.
2. I had a whole heck of a lot of trouble being physical with this girl. For instance, we were sitting on a bench for a few minutes when I decided we should go for a walk. She gave me the wrong hand, so I couldn't walk hand-in-hand with her arm crossed all the way across her body. After that, I backed off from the physical stuff until I hugged her near the end of the date. She responded well here, and asked me to text her again soon.
Overall, I feel like I gave off too much of a friendly vibe and did not build enough attraction. While I do have a fondness of this girl (so far), I don't fully expect it to work out. I don't need it to.
I developed the mindset that I can thrive on my own, and that relationships (be they family, friendly, or romantic) are accents to an already fulfilling life.
I had a blast today. I was given the opportunity to learn things about someone completely new, while also learning so much about myself. I was able to experience things in-the-moment instead of becoming stuck inside my head, thinking of the next thing to say.
I realize that I still have a long way to go, but I am fully committed to becoming nothing short of legendary.
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CHAT