Hello guys! Most of you must know me.. I am one of the few girls at the forum.
I thought posting here something that has been bothering me lately. I will appreciate some insight.

WARNING: LONG POST!!!!

I can't figure out how to cut off the details... so I just put everything there...


So this is how it all started....



Seven months ago, I joined a gym. Since day one I was shown around the gym by one of the hottest fitness instructors/personal trainers I've ever seen in my life! As it is obvious I felt attracted to him and I joined that gym.
I was trying to find a reason on how to approach him and I found out that i had couple of free personal training sessions as a new member of the gym. So I found the perfect excuse to go and speak to him and ask him how could I book one of my sessions with him. At first he didn't understand and he booked me with someone else. Then we saw each other again, I told him that I meant I wanted to train with him, he gave me his business card and he told me to txt him. So I did. He ignored it. Next time I saw him at the gym, I asked him if that was the right number that I was supposed to txt. He told me to txt him again. So I did again. No answer. So I called him. He picked up and said to me that he liked that I called. He arranged for the free taster session. Then next time he saw me he cancelled and moved it to another date. When it was closer to that date he cancelled again. Then he cancelled again. At that point I was sure that the guy just didn't want to train with me and I wasn't chasing. I wasn't telling him anything. Every time he was cancelling he was holding my hands in sort of a handshake (he went first for a hug and I refused it) ... so yeah I was ok. I was just not reacting.
When I just had enough of having him approaching me and cancelling the session I told him that this was the LAST time I was going to make plans. So he arranged he cancelled again (YES I know BORING) and then FINALLY we trained. First thing he asked me before I even start with the warm up was if my housemate was my boyfriend and if I had a boyfriend. I told him that I was single.
After that, he told me couple of times that he wanted to get to know me more. I wasn't sure what was going on with him so I said to him " ok. not today though" and I was ignoring him and continuing with my workouts. Then he started becoming distant. At times he was sort of moody. I started ignoring him too.. and we ended up not talking for around 3 weeks.
He was the first to approach me and start saying hello to me again. I slowly started saying hello back. He was doing it at first casually and then we were greeting each other every day.
At some point I found a job so I decided that it was about time I would have a personal training session. So I went to ask him how much would he charge me. He gave me a good price. Then he said to me again the same phrase he had told me in the past: why don't you come and talk to me? I want to get to know you better” I told him that I didn't have money to come and book a session so I couldn't really see the point. He replied that I didn't have to talk about the training session. I should just go and speak to him from time to time.
When I returned home he text me, he had kept my number and he wanted to speak about the sessions. I was very sleepy so I sort of cut off the conversation short. We supposed to meet during the weekend at the gym for me to tell him what was my level of training but he couldn't wait so he approached me himself and started a conversation. He told me NOT to text on his phone that was on his business card. The phone supposed to be broken, so he took my number and put it in his phone with his new number and said he was going to text me his new number. (but he never did). He asked me if I also have watsapp. I said I didn't. He gave me a long handshake with both hands.
On the day that we supposed to have a session, I had the flu I still didn't have his phone number and I was feeling bad to let him down and not even to let him know. I text his old number but there was no answer. So I put on my clothes on and went across the road to the gym to let him know that I had to cancel. He felt really bad that I put an extra effort and he apologised for not texting me his number. I told him that I text him at his old number and he got nervous. He told me NOT to text that number again and that I shouldn't have done it.
I knew that he had received the text though because I got a report on my phone that he received it. So it didnt make sense.
Out of the blue he told me that we couldn't be friends or anything more. I was puzzled why did he tell me this? I only wanted to cancel the session and be sensible! So I brought the conversation back to the training and asked him to give me his number so we can arrange a new session. He then asked me where was I living.
Next time we had a session it was full of awkward moments. He supposed to give me an hour session but we ended up having sort of 3 hours session because he wouldn't stop talking to me.

I was exhausted at the end. I told him I wanted to keep notes of our workout. I was going to sit down on a table in the middle of the gym and he said that he wanted to go somewhere else and he led me into a more private room. I kept my notes... then he asked me again to tell him more about myself and that he wanted to get know more about me. As I was talking to him one of the female personal trainers knocked the door and was upset because he locked it! Up until then I had NO idea the door was locked. I starred at him like “ what did you do?” I was feeling a bit awkward. I took my gymbag and was ready to leave and he told me that there was no reason to worry about anything. That I should stay and talk a bit more. I wanted to stay too so I went back to seat and he again locked the door. But we didn't speak much, he said that he had a client coming and that the other personal trainer wanted to use the room so we had to leave.

Couple of days later I messaged him on watsapp that I was still sore from the workout and told him a big thank you for training me. He replied again in a language that was formal. . I was tired that day so I went to the gym late and I sort of expected that he be gone by then. But he was there. I approached to speak to him. He said to me that he noticed that I hadn't tried again our workout. I told him that I was exhausted. He looked disappointed. He asked me what was I doing after the workout. I said to him that I was going home to sleep. He looked again disappointed. At the same time we were talking he was holding my hand in a double handshake.

I was too tired to think so the next day I saw him at the gym, he asked me if I was joining any of the free classes. I told him that I was considering them crap and that I wasn't wasting my time with them. He then said to me that he was having a boxing class. He sort of hinted if I wanted to join. At first I said to him that I was too tired. I had just finished my workout but he was sulking so I had mixed feelings. He said that if he didn't have enough people that his class was going to get cancelled. And he gave me those sad puppy eyes... I still couldn't decide. We had spent 5-10 min talking about IF I was going to go to his free boxing class.. So I finally decided to join him. I went to the room we supposed to train and it was FULL of people! He lied to me! I turned around and looked at him surprised and told him “but you said it was going to be empty!”. He said to me that he knew that there would have been lots of people.
For the whole workout his attention was all on me. He disappeared though straight after the end of the class.
Next day I saw him again at the gym, this time while he was talking to me he was rubbing with one hand my arm, with the other he was holding my hand in a sort of a handshake and he was way too close to my personal space. He asked me what was I doing for that weekend. I said to him that I was going out with my mates. I asked him why he was making me these questions and he said nothing. Then we spoke about the workout and he asked me again what I was doing during the weekend. And I asked him again why? And he said “nothing. Just asking”.

I approached him the next day to tell him that I wanted to book another session. He was happy to see me, he was again rubbing my arm with one hand during all the conversation. He had come really close to me. We were in the middle of the gym and all the other personal trainers were staring at us. I told him that my waistline was smaller now and I was feeling happy with my progress and he said that he had noticed my waistline too. He was looking me from far away and he could tell that it looked good. At some point I was nervous and he looked the same nervous as me. He held my hand and I felt very shy. He was holding it in a way that was something between holding my hand and giving me a handshake. So I gave him a handshake, finished the conversation and went to take my things and leave.

I txt him couple of days later as he asked me to, to arrange for the session and the whole day had passed and he hadn't replied to me. So I messaged him that I liked what he said about my waistline and that I was smiling all day. So I got a very formal language reply. He then corrected me that he didn't say that my waistline looked good, that it just looked better and that it would look even better in the future! (which was not true!)
I spoke to one of my female friends to help me understand what went on and she convinced me to ask him out. It was my birthday on that weekend so I found the excuse and went and asked him if he wanted to join me and my mates for a drink on Saturday. He said that he wanted to and he liked the idea but he couldn't attend because he had to babysit his brother. I sort of joked and asked him if he was nervous about my friends and he said yes that he would have preferred if we were going on our own. He said he was going to text me.
However, no text arrived for the session nor for the drink. When I saw him I asked him what happened. I wanted to train and I put pressure on him. He was not touchy this time. I felt bad for putting pressure on him so I apologised for putting pressure on him for the session and told him that I wanted to be friendly and that he was still invited to my birthday party if he wanted. He told me that he had to let me down but he was definitely going to text me about going for a drink on our own.

Again no text about the session. I was getting worked up because I really wanted to push myself harder and start getting results. I am planning to join a competition so I don't have time to waste.

I went and spoke to him and told him that if he was as booked as he said that he should just let me know because I was going to train with someone else. He reassured me that this wasn't the case. He wanted to train with me but he had to let me know about when he was free. So I had to wait!

He was training later on with another client and he had his back turned towards me so I sort of checked him out thinking he wouldn't catch me. BUT he did notice it, he turned around and winked at me and I smiled.
I was getting frustrated though about the training. He was not texting me again about the session. I sort of understood that he was sort of being passive aggressive and he didn't want to train so I didn't bother to approach him again.

One day we came face to face on the stairs of the gym, he said hello to me, he told me that he was going to text me about training and also told me that he had overdone it with touching me and that he wasn't feeling that way about me and that he wasn't going to touch me again. I had only said hello back! I just said a simple ok.

He said that he would text me, that I had to believe him. As he was leaving he told me that he was talking to me even though he was not on a shift and that I should notice that!
I got a message from the “broken phone number” a couple of days later cancelling again the session he supposed to have with me. I told him that I wasn't really interested anymore on the sessions. I thanked him and I wished him well. He said to me that he was being honest that he was indeed busy! I could clearly see that he was lying... so I said to him that if a person wants to do something they find ways, if they don't then they find excuses. So he replied to me that he had planned to spend the weekend with his GIRLFRIEND. I wished him to have a nice weekend with his girlfriend and he thanked me.
Some days later I was at the weight lifting area and I was checking out my abs at the mirror. As I turn my face around and saw him being quite close to me staring at me and clearly checking me out. I went and sat on the bench to lift some weights, he was still staring at me. I looked at him in a way “do you mind? Leave me alone!”
The next day I thought that this was it. I didn't want to speak to him at all. I was at the end of my workout and I was heading to the changing rooms and he passed next to me, I saw him, I was trying to avoid him, he looked at me, he said “hello..... maria” I nervously said a cold “hi” and walked quickly to escape.
I was so upset with him so I had already hired another personal trainer from the ones at the gym. He saw me training with him next time. He was ignoring me. Then at some point I caught him staring again at me and I turned my back towards him.
I avoided looking at him next time I saw him
However, a friend advised me to give him a mixed signal so next time I saw him I stared at him straight in his eyes while he was entering the area I was training. He was looking back, being quite nervous, he almost nodded hello and then he stopped himself. I left straight away from that area and went to the other room. So couple of minutes later I saw him on his own entering the room. He was staring at me at my eyes with a “poker face”, he sort of looked around like he couldn't find the weight he wanted and he left.
I am trying to go to the gym at times I know he is not there. I don't know how to handle it.
I like him, I got rejected, so I feel embarrassed.
Did I just imagined it all? Did he JUST overdo it with the touching and I was seeing things? I can't take my mind of it.


Thank you for reading this far.

maria_

P.S. During the training session he told me that he had noticed that I don't trust people easily. That people should give a little bit the benefit of the doubt to other people while building trust. I said that I'd rather trust to be earned and that I didn't believe at the benefit of the doubt.

My head hurts from reading/skimming that.

A better man than I am can give you a good analysis, my head just literally is pained.

I'll say the same thing I'd tell a guy. Someone ignores you move the fuck on. You must be really desperate to put up with all that back and forth. Stop that. Have some self respect for yourself from the beginning. You wouldve really dated this guy who kept playing with you like this? Fuck

Honestly I read like 1/3rd and said "awe fuck it!" this a go-nowhere novel

By the sounds of it he seemed interested but you were playing coy or unavailable so he figured you weren't interested. Just ask him out for a protein shake FFS.

True, I think Maria played hard to get a bit. But she texted him, called and he cancelled appointments many times. You dont want someone who cancels like that as a trainer, nor do you want that guy for a romantic relationship.

Long story. My guess is that he wanted to entertain the idea of you without you blowing his cover by texting him too much. I don't know his relationship with his girlfriend but he seems to be trying to be with you when he is free. There is nothing here. Crappy personal trainers cancel this much because they are overwhelmed and not motivated to train. Now he's probably in an awkward situation where he wanted to flirt/entertain the idea of you but things didn't work out so he told you he has a girlfriend because he knew this was going nowhere. This is all speculative. The point is that he sounds horrible at his job as far as customer service and he was leading you on for some time.

I took it under the guise that it was for business only. At least that's how I framed the context of much of their interaction w exception of the touching. A lot trainers do touch, they do so to make the client feel good. Not saying this is necessarily always the case, however its fairly common. Also common is male PTs hooking u[p with clients. How do I know? I'm a gym rat, I know of PTs where this is quite often the case, rather than the exception. Anyways Maria it sounds like a lot of blurred lines and undeclared intentions, though he did mention he wanted to get to know you better outside the gym and may have taken your response as a rebuff.

You skimmed too much. If you would have read it properly you would have seen that we equally ignored and chased each other.

I didn't really put an effort to be honest.. lol I was going to the gym every day and he was going to work every day too! So we were seeing each other all the time.
And yes I would have dated this guy... I would even have a one night stand if he didn't have the right personality. He is HOT. I never slept with a 10/10 HOT guy.

On the 2/3 is described what happened when I asked him out and on the 3/3 the aftermath..

That's true. But replacing him with another personal trainer was a proper warning on what will happen if as a romantic partner he dares to have such a behaviour. There will be consequences.

I agree about the blowing his cover part. I didn't text too much tough. I texted once for cancelling the session and I also texted once to say a big thank you.
Maybe he couldn't figure out how to cheat on the gf or the gf is a playing mind games with him and she is on/off.
Either way, a relationship that has even one partner who is emotionally cheating and looking how to cheat doesn't last long, even if it is the guy who does that. And it's not about who feels guilty etc. It's an indication that something is missing for some reason.
I wouldn't say that he was overwhelmed by the training. He constantly has clients and he works until late.
The way he said he had a gf wasn't to end things. He said it in a way to explain WHY he couldn't make it. It wasn't that he didn't want to, it was that he had a gf. So he revealed the obstacle.
The truth is I was sort of training him to tell me the truth with things. For a series of times that we've spoken, every time I was sort of "upset" with something I was stop being upset when he was telling me the truth and was showing me proof for that. So he sort of responded in the way he thought that it would make him win my approval.

Haha that's the catch though! He wasn't pulling back when I was rejecting him.
The first time he pulled back was when he noticed that I was starting to fancy him.
The second time he pulled back was when I showed again signs of fancying him and I noticed that he was giving me the same signs (ie feeling nervous, always looking where I was at the gym etc).
I am a gym rat too since December and I go 6 days a week to the gym. I haven't noticed anyone being that flirty at that gym or any clients getting too close to the personal trainers.
The only personal trainer who was touching a lot was him and he was doing it only on me. I never noticed him having that behaviour with any other girl at the gym. And believe me he didn't always know when I was around.
It was different.
Even a weird girl ( I have a female stalker/admirer) approached me and said to me that she has been following me since the first day I joined and she asked me if I was dating with that guy. ( That was creepy! She knew who I had talked to since the beginning of the week!)..

It was so obvious that he had a girlfriend that I'm surprised that you didn't figure that out on your own. It is likely that it's a live in girlfriend and that's why there are so many issues with communication and meeting up outside of his job. How I read this (I could be wrong so don't get offended) is that after your interactions and this weird ignore him and the "please text me" vibe, he probably interpreted you as a clinger that would eventually cause problems in his current relationship.

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You are spot on on that! I started figuring out that something was not right when he gave me that new number. Something was not adding up. However, I didn't have enough evidence about it so I gave it a bit the benefit of the doubt

Ouch! a clinger? Do I come across as one? Ouch! that hurt JackZero!
Well I was avoiding to text him and he was encouraging me to do so. I don't like texting. I only sent him that text about the waistline to give him a nudge a bit because he was ignoring me about the session.
All in all I texted him once/twice on December to arrange a session, once on april to arrange a session, once to say thank you and finally when I fired him as a personal trainer. Is that clingy? You make me feel scared now. If that's clingy I am not texting a man again! haha

I find it already embarrassing to show interest on a man. So yeah... I am not that type of girl.

I want to believe that he just got closer to the girlfriend because she felt some sort of jealousy etc.

Well one way or another... at this moment we don't talk.
I want to figure out how to get back into speaking with him. I've got a plan.

I also don't care about the gf. That's HIS problem. He won't be the only guy I will be sleeping with.
I still have my FWB of 3 years.

With all due respect you're living out of a scarcity frame of mind, no different from the standard faire of posters we see on this board on a daily basis "how do I 'win' her attention?" "how do I STAY interesting to her?" "how do I re-engage with her after she's ghosted me?"

Maria. Recognize your self-worth, and even if you don't SPAM fake it till you BECOME it. Re-invest in YOU.

Refocus your energies on:
-your physique/fitness goals
-that vacation you've always wanted to take
-being more social for the sake of opening YOU
-start pursuing that dream job you've always wanted

(these are just examples)

Recognize you're obsessing over this one person as a distraction to bettering yourself, and use this as motivation to shift the focus back onto you and enjoying your life more.