I had a short interaction with a girl and I dont understand what happened. I am trying to figure out her psychology, what was she thinking?

Today I was at a coffee shop and this girl walked in and sat on a seat. she was about 10 feet from me. I stared at her and waited for her to make eye contact. she made eye contact and I kept my eye contact. she broke eye contact and started looking for something in her purse. she took at item from her purse, maybe her phone, I dont know. then she looked at me and noticed I am still looking at her. using my finger, I pointed at her and then pointed at the seat next to me. I did it twice. yeah creepy I am already aware of that. then she looked at that item (her phone?) again

I thought she is not interested and started working on my laptop. Then she got up and came to me. I said "come sit here" she said "actually, I have a lot of work to do." so at this point I am thinking she is not interested. but then she said "I am Lisa" and extended her hand for me to shake it. I shook hand and said "you dont wanna sit next to me?" she said "not today, I have a lot of work to do". I said "your hair is perfect" and she said thanks and went back to her seat.

Just so I can understand female psychology more, what is going on here? can you break it down? what was she thinking?

You were being weird. Why would you expect more from her when you weren't being consistent about what you wanted?

_________________
mpuaforum.proboards.com

are you saying "come sit next to me" is not direct enough?

No, I'm saying you were being weird and inconsistent. Sit next to you, then you're too busy, then your hair is perfect. What message does that send ?

_________________
mpuaforum.proboards.com

she is the one who said she is busy. I never said I am busy.

My bad. Read that wrong. You should have talked to her for a few minutes and then got her number.

_________________
mpuaforum.proboards.com

Well, first of all, congratulations Bart. You got your first compliance test from a girl through nonverbal communication. The mere fact that she approached you is a VERY big compliance from your nonverbal request for her to sit next to you. Although she didn't actually sit next to you, that's still a big deal.

What you need to learn next is reciprocity.

So she approached you and introduced herself, "Hi, I'm Lisa."

The thing that you should have done is to shoot your second nonverbal compliance test. Shoot your hand for a handshake and then mirror (reciprocate) her opener. "Pleased to meet you Lisa. I'm Bart."

If she shakes your hand, that's compliance No. 2.

Don't let go of her hand immediately. Hold it for a minute or so. If she doesn't pull back, that's compliance No. 3.

Bart, the lesson that you have to learn here is that if your nonverbal compliance tests are working, don't transition immediately to a verbal compliance test until you got your 3rd compliance through nonverbal means.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Thanks for the lessons. but I have to disagree with the one-minute handshake. I have done it before and it comes off weird. my goal is to start being less weird, not more. maybe you exaggerated the time. I agree that the handshake should be a little longer than normal. but one minute?

What credible experience do you have to disagree with someone thats far more experienced than you on the topic? You tried it how many times? Imagine kobe bryant said, you should arch your shot when you shoot, and you replied " Nah.. I tried that one time and it didn't go in".

Weird is in your vibe, not your action.. If you're a creepy dude, everything you do will come across a creepy because creepiness is a "feeling" not an action. If Im angry and I shake someones hand, they will be able to feel my anger through the aggressiveness of my handshake. When you're creepy and you shake someones hand the same thing happens.

Theres nothing you need to understand here, you didn't try to close. Its as simple as that.

_________________
Need Coaching? For 1 on 1 Coaching via SPAM, Phone or Instant Messenger - Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com

Show Support, Buy The Book: 'The Secret Laws Of Social Wisdom - Click Here

http://www.EddieFews.com

thanks Eddie.
I am trying to understand this apparent contradiction: she said she is too busy (an excuse to tell me she is not interested, kind of like the standard "I have a boyfriend" excuse), but at the same time, she stood there and introduced herself (so that tells me she is interested).

Bart, we've all said this time and again: Always gauge what a woman does; NOT what she says.

To illustrate, I had lunch with a sexy gym mate a few days ago. She kept on saying, "I'm not that kind of girl," while she fondled my cock under the table in a busy Chinese restaurant. I simply agreed with, "I know. You're a decent Catholic girl with a good family background."

That's how you play it. Be very sharp with the nonverbals and always verbally accept the verbal qualifications of women.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

OP: no one can tell you for sure what she was thinking. Who knows, we weren't there and have only your perspective which you've admitted is a confused perspective to go off of.

One things for sure, one consistent theme of PUA community is "you did something wrong". If something didn't go right it's assumed you fucked it up. But that's not the case. Girls are fickle. There's only so much you can do with a fickle person sometimes. They also reserve the right to change their mind from minute to minute. Maybe she was being polite to a stranger who offered up a seat close to him - maybe she didn't want to be rude. Maybe she has a BF and decided against continuing the interaction with you. Who knows. You did all you could, you initiated the interaction by telling her to sit next to you, if she was willing to play along I'm sure you would've number closed or even more. It's not always your fault.

The experts in this community would have you believe they're hitting grand slams every at-bat. When something works they think it's cuz they did something right and when it doesn't work they come up with any number of excuses when mostly it comes down to a girl's willingness to play along and take a chance on you. Most of that stuff is out of a guy's hands. A guy can only lead the horse to water, it's up to the horse if it's gonna drink. And the horse can have any number of reasons why it decides to drink or doesn't drink and most of the time it is out of your control. You can only do what's in your control and that's to constantly be leading and moving the interaction forward.

Bart, you should change your username to Macauley Culkin because you always go home alone.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

_________________
mpuaforum.proboards.com

Given the fact that she later came to talk to you, she was likely trying to gather up the courage to do so.
I see you making this mistake so many times. You always reject yourself before women get a chance to actually reject you. Stahp. Persist past token resistance (which I'm sure you've never done before) until you either close or get rejected FOR REALZ.
Oh, cool. She got up to talk to you so she's obviously interested in you and she's just explaining a logistical issue that's in the way of you two having sex right there and then, meaning that she obviously wants you to offer some sort of solution to this logistical issue by perhaps getting her number so that the two of you can arrange to meet at a more convenient time.
WAIT WHAT? WHY? WAT
Dude I seriously don't understand you. Why the hell would you think a girl isn't interested in you when she clearly is?

OK, I lied. I actually do understand. BUT STAHP
As another poster here commented already, you should have reciprocated the introduction because that's what normal human beings do. Practice more basic socialization stuff. Meet tons of people. Socialize as much as possible, immerse yourself into the culture of people, and soak all that shit in. If you suspect that a special condition such as Aspergers or Autism might be preventing you from understanding socially necessary things like empathy and reciprocity, seek professional diagnoses and assistance.
When she said "not today," she was strongly hinting that there could be another day when the two of you could get to know each other better. And she was clearly still interested in you at this point since she was still talking to you. So that's when you went for at least a number close, right?
What the hell? Where did this come from? Open your damn ears and listen to what women are telling you. She wanted to comply to your compliance tests but was explaining a simple logistical obstacle that she wanted you to address. Why wouldn't you address it? And why would you say something so completely irrelevant to what she was trying to communicate? There's a time and place for non-sequiturs but that definitely wasn't it.
She eventually gave up because you made her try and fail to communicate something important to you too many times. She realized that you might be socially retarded or at least very inexperienced with women/people.
This is definitely not about female psychology. It's about basic subcommunication and your failure to read people in general.

So, just do these two things and you'll do a million times better:
1. Stop mentally rejecting yourself for women. Persist past token resistance. I'm sure you've been here long enough to at least know what token resistance means.
2. Socialize as much as you fucking can in order to adopt better social senses.