Interesting stuff, void. Thanks for posting.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

Of course. You're welcome.

Any of you guys want me to elaborate on this attachment stuff, it's my niche, I'd be more than glad to.

I decided not to do the freeze out, and followed the true alpha way of just being direct this evening (the middle column here). I told her if she wants to keep being exclusive, the orbiters have to go.

No games, no passive aggressive stuff. She knows where I stand. She got defensive and stormed out of the bedroom, lol, and then I drove her home.

i'll walk away if I have to. Sucks, but oh well. i don't want to be exclusive with a snapchat/validation girl.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

Good for you! How are you feeling about that?

Way better, actually. Even though she's pissed, it needed to be done.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

You were congruent with yourself (you connected to your need and spoke the truth on it). Provided its done in a respectful way, its win/win, even if the person walks. That's why you feel good.

You could have kept your needs to yourself, and just become a 'nice dead person' (someone with no needs) and slowly precipitate into a depressive state.

Pretty much. Not only do I feel better, but she texted me about 20 minutes ago, spilling her feelings for me, telling me she can't stop thinking about me and that she missed me when I was out of town. We are exclusive, but she is very introverted on intimate feelings. This is rare.

Honestly, after today/tonight, I don't feel freeze outs should be used for a relationship/person you actually care about.

I still believe that space is essential for keeping attraction (IE not smothering a person, etc), but that's a bit different than punishment.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

Anytime you feel punishment is useful to get what you want, ask yourself the following 2 questions and u'll see it never can:

1) What do I want the person to do? If you focus on this question alone, you can fooled into thinking punishment works as the person may seem to fall into line as a consequence.

2) What do you want that person's reasons to be for doing it? If you look at this second question u'll see how punishment never works, if it did there wouldn't be such high recidivism rates to people who've been incarcerated.


I see freeze-outs as being no different.

Creating space is an entirely different thing, and definitely there are times when all of us just want to be left alone, and other times where we want connection.