Bang.

And instead he's looking to her for a relationship. That's the investment paradox. He wants her, and whenever he refuses to lead (looking to her for reassurance that he's got her) her reluctance kicks-in.

There seems to be a trend here lately of dudes not following great advice, and then getting swallowed alive by the woman.

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Anxious attachment

Logic's not going to get through, at least when they're in the throes of it. It'd be akin to telling an addict to not snort coke as a line sits before him. What are you expecting?

K, I get it - I fucked up.

But for future reference - and just sake of closing this thread. What would be good, dominant, alpha, I don't care, yet respectful response to this question:
"Do you think we should stop seeing each other after graduation?"

Translation:

"Ok ok....whatever just answer my question because I am massively co-dependent and can't make my decisions for myself yet I am befuddled as to why I have such issues getting this girl to be my girlfriend!"


You don't get it, period. That's where the frustration from some of the people giving you advice is coming from. But, my expectaitons are reality-based and I don't EXPECT you'll appreciate that beyond "Ya, I get that!".

"Man I'm beat. I'm going to head home. Talk to you later."

You shouldn't of put yourself in that situation. Fuck her, then leave. She WANTS TO FUCK OTHER GUYS while getting all the benefits of an exclusive relationship with you (snuggling, cuddling, emotional talk, meals, etc).

You are being completely pissed on, bro, yet you keep asking for more. She's dictating to you. Her terms are on a pedestal, and you are disrespected.

Don't be afraid to be a dick sometimes. For example, my current gf is starting to take things for granted and acting spoiled and expecting things from me, and doing less in return (not to mention keeping a couple male orbiters around still on her phone for validation purposes). We have plans this Sunday to go out of town for her birthday for the night, and I'm going to cancel on that day. If she asks why, I'll tell her straight up I don't invest my time/money/energy in a gf who's so insecure she needs to have orbiters while exclusive.

Sometimes, you just have to be the dick. The greatest, most effective tool we have in dealing with women who are used to getting their way/hit on constantly is the ability to walk away.

You are the man, the leader. YOU dictate the terms of the relationship. If the terms that your woman is presenting are unsatisfactory, you WALK, or at the very least threaten to walk.

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In other words "Your feelings don't matter, goodnight!"

Lol. I can make my own decisions and made many successful in life so far. That's one thing. Second is that don't have typically problems with girls and that is why this situation was so new to me and that is exactly why I turned for advice here - because I didn't know how to act. If I knew then I obviously wouldn't ask. Third - I did get awesome advice - that is fact, I just somehow did not implemented it. Was thinking about going right after sex but thought it would be too rude, so wanted to wait around 15 minutes and then head out, but she dropped bombs right away. Ok - shouldn't allowed this question to be dropped but would be good to know what would be a proper well response to this question if I got it. Bc obviously mine was a bad one (even though I didn't think mine initially was that bad - especially that her reaction was "I don't know why you are acting like you don't care if I know that you do".

Anyway - you are wrong. I not only agree with what you guys are saying but also do appreciate advice a lot (including very harsh one), do think is very helpful and really was trying to act on it. This situation just came to quickly for me to be ready for it. Was easy for me to cut out texting at all following advice but it's hard to foresee some stuff and in new situation it is not that easy to remember all this advice when you are put on the spot... So I fucked it up. If this happened 3 dates ahead it might have been different because gradually I would decrease the emotion and cut any "couple stuff" out and would be able to react properly.

Well - I am pretty sure though that this situation is over now and this is only my fault. Good thing is that I think I have learned (in a really hard way) how to act when/if another situation like that happens. And I will act on it.

You're behaving very defensively.

And the only reason you think you'd "fucked it up" is because she didn't respond in the way you'd wanted her to but obviously saw nothing inherently wrong in your comment.

Still not getting it.

True. My confidence went shit recently.

Ok, pls enlighten me then (I am not sarcastic). What am I not getting?

I will quickly summarize what I did get from entire thread:

a. I should stop being needy and showing that I am needy. Ignore her, don't text her, treat her like FWB - throw outta bed after sex, don't have couple moments. Let her chase me and concentrate on fun and sex while dropping everything else.

b. She doesn't want relationship with me because I did not presented myself alpha enough and haven't dominated her enough. So I am good option for now to fuck, but nothing more - and she is still looking around for better option. Whatever are the other reasons (she don't trust men, she doesn't want relationship now bc she had so many serious in such young age) - they are secondary to the fact that I haven't hooked her and hence I am not getting anywhere with this.

c. What I should do is either walk away, or at least threaten to walk away, and definitely be ready to walk away if she continues to disrespect me the way she does by taking from me both benefits of exclusive and non-exclusive relationship.

d. It's pretty much over and irrecoverable - it's not gonna move anywhere past current stage because she made her mind and after my last show-off of neediness, insecurity and investment in this - I just reconfirmed her choice and made her sure she is walking right path for her.


What have I missed and not yet understood?

You covered it.

You can still repair this. Just get scarce.

There's a chance that if this woman can feel your willpower, your strength, she will change. I've done it plenty of times. I don't have to do it now, because I'm just better at this than before But it does happen.

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You're cool arch but I gotta ask you a question... You're telling op to use the same strategy that you used to get a girl to chase.. But now you're having to continue to game your gf and freeze her out to continue to make it work. Why would you recommend that the OP get this girl to then have to put up with bs and freeze outs months in? Why all of this crap to get and keep a relationship?!

I completely get what you are saying, Neo.

Let me explain why I offered that advice.

I once dumped a girl who was acting like an exclusive, but who just wanted to be fuck buddies (I never argued about it or brought it up, but I wanted more to the point it festered inside the way the OP is, I just had better emotional control). I liked her a great deal. She was younger, hotter, and smarter than any woman I had met that year.

The weekend after I dumped her I went to the bars/Whole Foods whatever and gamed.

It was horrible.

The women were needy, unfit, and just not measuring up, from ages 21 to 36. I wanted, honestly, to vomit. So I crawled back to the girl I dumped with the excuse that "things were moving too fast" and I got scared, thus the split. It worked, but it also instilled a sea change in her, and she began broaching the "what are we?" question right away. In fact, on the same day we reconciled, she told me "I'll do whatever you want me to, just ask."

Showing willpower, and the strength of walking away can do amazing things.

Sometimes, a certain girl at a certain time just does it for you, and sometimes, it's worth one last shot.

As far as my current situation, my gf is an underwear model and a porn star in bed. I'd like to keep it going, lol. She's highly sought after and has the tv celebrities here on her case, as well as the richest men in town.

This is the first time I've had to do this. It happens, man. It's real life and sometimes adjustments need to be made.

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Freezing out a girlfriend is merely protest behavior from an anxiously attached person.

If Arch is using that as a strategy he's doing so because he's not getting what he wants and for whatever reason is too fearful to speak his needs directly. He's like an anxious type of person hypersensitive to his partner(s) leaving him.

Such behavior only degrades the relationship over time. It's misleading because in the short-term it seems to work (in terms of getting the attention you want), but since the attention is ALWAYS out of the wrong energy it always fails.

Disagree. I don't like doing it, but it can be a useful tool. Freezouts will also work if you've been too needy, etc.

Not the case at all. And if you sit down to have "the talk" with a girl two weeks in, your ass is going to be dumped if she's even the slightest bit attractive. That's clingy behavior.

The first few months are like poker. Play it cool, have fun. Let her reveal her cards first.

We're not robots. Attraction and enthusiasm are cyclic in nature for both the man and the woman. Adjustments occasionally need to be made. As long as these adjustments are not chronic, it's natural.

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