Hey,

I know these things can get long so I will try and keep it to a minimum.

So I've been together with my girlfriend (she is now 22, I am now 25) for nearly 4 years now - living together for about 3 years. I left my home country to be and live with her (not too far away - in Europe).
Everything was super, we maintained a healthy balance, did a lot together and never fell out of love for a second. This all changed a week ago (give or take)

She became distant at home, started going out a lot more and had very little time for me. So I confronted her with it. She claimed she is feeling rather depressed at the moment (a lot of bad things happened to our families since the beginning of this year - so I fully understood and showed empathy).

She said she had started feeling trapped in the relationship and not do things that she may want to do at some point (go for a year abroad, do student stuff, sounded a bit mid-life crisis-like to me). She said she had been thinking about whether it may be easier to be alone and "free" so to speak.

I continued to show empathy and we decided that we should not separate, because we love each other (she confirmed) and that I give her space - so she can meet up with other friends more often, get her mood clear of all the bad stuff that's happened family-wise. She has also started therapy for how to deal with the family issues and how it affects her feeling about the relationship.

I need opinions - is it a phase in a depression that will pass in time? Or is something else happening? And most importantly - is there anything in particular I can/should do to make this better? No other guys are involved physically or mentally she says and I trust that.
Any help is appreciated, thanks guys!

Sorry to hear about this. But I have to be honest, I can't see her suddenly changing her mind and then 'Confirming' her love for you and then you live happily ever after. There is evidently an artery that has been severed.

I don't think there is anything much you can actually do apart from lead an amazing ambitious life. You will not change her mind by having a 'chat' and showing lots of empathy

This is something for her to handle in her own head. Being home sick and being stuck with a guy that she perhaps doesn't see marriage and babies with, could be finally getting to her. Burning the candle from both ends as they say.

Relationships are hard, especially when you move to a new place together and are constantly with one another.

There is no tactic that can help you here, I am hoping you lead an awesome life, perhaps surprise her with a vacation might be a soft fix, but I feel the ball is in her court to whether or not you're soul mates or not

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Yeah it's strange.

Up until this stuff happened, it was all marriage and babies for the future, after finishing studies and properly settling down etc. This was a discussion we have had multiple times.

It feels like something might have just popped - maybe it will turn around in time, maybe not. I'm being very careful of walking away from the relationship after all we have been through so far. It's a tough one.

She needs to miss you. She needs to believe she may lose you. She needs to understand you have other options without her.

And she's shopping.

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I get the feeling the OP is texting his gf 'Hey hun, how is your night???' whilst she is getting grinded on the dancefloor when she goes out with her friends

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Oh for sure. Girls night out MEANS grinding on cock!

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

I dated someone with mild depression before. I loved her and things were great but it was too much in the end. My advice to you is to drop her. Now.

Breaking up with her gives you an adv and she might come back begging for you improve the relationship. Don't count on her coming back though. Just work on yourself and build upon yourself if you do end things cleanly with her.

Then again I never listened. So won't you. Guess you have to experience it yourself in the end.
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Things don't just "suddenly shift", out of nowhere.

And I'm sorry, but I don't buy this whole "my family bla bla". Your "dearly loved" partner is someone that brings you comfort in times like these, not more discomfort.

So yeah, she may be going through a tough time, but don't kid yourself into believing that has anything to do with the way she acts towards you.

Truth is, if there isn't another guy yet, she's definitely thinking about it. She talks about being "free". To ride another dick.

Anyway, OP, my post may sound harsh but that's only to help you snap out of the trap all guys fall into, a.k.a convincing yourself that some sort of external problems (family in this case) are what cause her behavior. Men go to ridiculous length when it comes to rationalizing excuses for why their girls act cold all of a sudden.

With that being said, this is what you need:

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This.

Yeah man, all of that was just translated to "I want to be single." And maybe she won't be sucking 10 dicks every weekend, but she prob just wants to experience a normal dating life before marriage.

You could've scanned the relationship section of the forum and found many other 3-5 page threads all with variations of you exact same story.

"everything was great and then all of a sudden things changed "

It wasn't sudden at all, as guys we often miss the little subtle hints women are throwing our way months before their hints turn into actions that we can physically see. The only change that happened a week ago was the change that you were able to see with your eyes. You had been warning you for a good amount of time before this.

It does happen though and you can get things back in order so long as you have the emotional control to do so. Give her space, let her initiate 80% of the contact, and put the majority of your goals and aspirations. Start working on whatever it is that you do twice as hard as you did before. Put some more focus on yourself and she'll put more focus on you. Like attracts likes. Focus on you more and she will too. Focus on her more and she will too.

She's pulling, so you must pull to get her to push.

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Maybe she feels depressed and looking for options outta. Yea it is possible as black hole theory. Open your eyes, she get bored from you, with other words, riding same vehicle made her feel booring. Like the password in gta vice city; boooooooooooooring.

Kick her ass out. Wath she ll come to you crawling. It is right time. If you wait a bit longer, probably she would find herself a dick, who can she live with a parasitic life.

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There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

I downloaded the app and still struggling.

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Yeah this same thing is what I was posting about, except I think there are some differences. It's pretty simple in the end. She is having a life crisis. She's pushing you away because you are what she wants, but she doesn't know if she wants to want you. She is probably wanting to feel more free to be herself and rediscover who she is. In the end, holding on is a big mistake. You should see if there is a middle ground to where both your needs can be met. She can go abroad, or whatever, if you are willing. If not, then sever the relationship. Nothing will be worse than you trying to control her and years down the road she despises you for not giving her what she thought she needed. People are confused. This could easily be a passing, fleeting doubt in your relationship. However, it's not fair for you to sit on the fence while she decides whether she wants to be in this relationship. Yea, she might need to go experience some other men before she knows what she truly wants. For guys, finding a good fit is all we want. For girls, having a good fit still doesn't mean they don't wonder what could have been. Give her space, and let her find out what makes her happy. Space doesn't mean guys. Not 100% of the time. If your story was different, or sketchier, then probably it would. If she is depressed, the therapist will root it out. However, and my girlfriend went to therapy too, it is often encouraged by the therapist not too become too attached to one outcome and this could be at work under your relationship. Also, your gf's friends could be promoting the shiny new single life. The grass is greener on the other side as they say. Give her space, and she has to figure out what she wants. If need be, dump her. She isn't necessarily uncommitted to your relationship but she clearly is confused about what she wants. Giving her a quick hit of fear of losing you will reconfirm she wants you, and doesn't give her the opportunity to ease out of the relationship by just growing apart.

I know that marriage and all of that can be scary. Probably forcing her hand to press the eject button. You might want to ease up on that kind of talk. She is young. You are young. You two can be together without having documents, or being binded by kids. Talk to her about that, and change some of your expectations. Obviously there can be some compromise. She's evolved, and you will need to evolve. Putting pressure on her of any sort, whether future plans, or any of that stuff will just serve to scare her. Back off and get back to focusing on yourself and have fun with her.