My girlfriend went on a canoe trip that she described as "girls gone wild on the river." A party where she said girls flash their boobs for beer. That's the main reason I told her I was uncomfortable with her going on it. Basically we almost broke up over it because I felt that was very inappropriate and now months later some more details came back up. If you want to see the original thread it's here, but that's the gist of it. Also I asked her how she'd feel if I went on this trip without her, she said she'd be upset and destroyed and wouldn't know how to feel.
She also claims she's at a stage in her life where she wants to settle down and start a family, but the actions don't really show it.
She also never invited me to it.
This is coming back up because a few details about it have trickled in....
Moving on, I let her go, she went. Last week I found out a few more details of the trip. She told me while she was there, the first night she saw a guy she had previously hooked up with there and said she spent the night in her tent to avoid him. IMO this feels hard to believe that she would do this because everyone’s out drinking and partying around her. She has told me a few other times she spent the night in her tent that night and fell asleep early which does seem consistent with her previous stories. I’m usually good at paying attention to detail. This does seem like it would add up.
Fast forward, I kept pushing for more, I told her I felt like there was something she’s still not telling me and I can’t shake the feeling of distrust. She then told me that her group of friends and a kid that decided to join their group went skinny dipping while her and one of her friends stayed by the fire. I asked her if she went, she got slightly offended and goes no, I would never, I consider that cheating! I didn’t think as much of it, I was like okay whatever it’s something I can get past, but then when she got defensive I almost sensed that she MIGHT be lying especially if she feels that strongly about it. She said her friends went down by the water and when they came back up they were in their clothes again and it lasted about ten minutes. She told me they kept shouting things like “pussy, come with us!” to her and her friend. I honestly don’t really know what to believe here. I asked her who suggested they go skinny dipping, she said she has no idea.
On top of all this, she told me she has been smoking for 6 months out of the 10 that we have been dating. I knew this, I smelled it, and I know it’s hard to quit. I told her one day that if she’s smoking its okay, I told her I understand it’s going to be hard, and if she wants to quit I want to be there to help her. At this point I already knew and I just didn’t want her to keep hiding it. I told her we’re not going to break up over it, I knew I went in dating a smoker. But the fact that she continued to lie about it is what builds to the distrust. She also lied about hanging out with a guy friend, saying she got really drunk and puked and he dropped her home. She drank a bit the other night and told me she actually got drunk, puked, he drove to his house and they sat in the car talking about life for an hour till she sobered up and then she drove home… Another time I caught her lying about saying she was day drinking with her mom helping her garden while she’s actually out with him at a bar. They’ve been close friends since middle school so I don’t have anything wrong with that, I never told her she can’t hang out with him but since she decided to lie about being with him, I’m pissed. She told me she THOUGHT I’d be mad when I clearly said its OKAY to hang out with him just let me know in advance…
SO last week, at a Halloween party with her friends (most that went on the canoe trip and went skinny dipping) the random guy that joined her group of friends on the trip showed up with another girl. When he showed up, she was pretty drunk and kept asking me if I feel uncomfortable with him there. I’m like no? Should I be? She’s like I don’t know…I let that go, a bit later she asks if I want to leave because he’s there, I’m like no, it doesn’t bother me..half the people here were on that trip. Later the next day I asked her why she kept asking if I was uncomfortable and wanted to leave, she said “Idk maybe because he was one of the guys that went skinny dipping or was on that trip.” I said that was most of the people there…..why would it only be him that makes me uncomfortable.
So continuing the night, her best guy friend is drunk and keeps going “LETS ALL GET NAKEDDD” through the night. Multiple times….I go to her and I’m like I guess I know who suggested skinny dipping. She’s like no he was just joking the whole night.. (Okayyy….). So later that night she tells me her 3 female friends decided to take a shower together and take her guy friend’s clothes off while he’s sleeping and drunk. This is a party she wanted to go to by herself…I cancelled my plans to go with her because I didn’t want to be a douche and part of me was trying to watch out for any lies and slip ups the whole night. I got really drunk but I was still very attentive and coherent while she got even more drunk (she’s the one that drove there!!! What are you doing drinking that much?!) and puked 4 times while I’m cleaning up her puke. Then goes I just wanted to get drunk to your level and have as much fun…I’m not that much of a drinker, I rarely drink, let alone how much I had that night. I’m also an introvert and uncomfortable in social situations so I drank a bit more to be more comfortable. So I stopped drinking around 10pm and she started puking around 11 and continued through the night. I took her to her car and I laid there in the back seat next to her until 4am until I was sober enough to drive us back to my house. Basically all this left a really bad taste in my mouth. I’m very much on the verge of distrust and slightly angry. I feel like I was disrespected by her even going on that canoe trip in the first place and that she always puts herself first. For the past week it’s been okay but today the feelings of her possibly lying about more and distrusting are coming back strong. I really love this girl but I don’t know if it really makes sense to put my whole heart in this anymore. She’s been selfish most of our relationship and now I just want to take back my life, do what I want to do like spend money on videogames which I haven’t been doing most of our relationship because I put that first.
Has anyone else gone through something similar? Have you gotten past the trust issues? What would you do in this situation? I have really mixed feelings right now and don’t know how to act. I just want everything to be normal again but it feels like it’s going to take a very long time for it to happen.
I apologize for all the text, and seriously, thank you for reading this. Even if you don’t comment I feel like I Just needed to vent.
Tldr; GF ended up going on that canoe trip, said she ran into a guy she previously hooked up and avoided him & her friends went skinny dipping (most were singles)
Troll on.
CHAT
