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Hi guys
I've posted on this site quite a lot and it's been very helpful.
Basically the long and short of it is that due to various external stresses for the last few years, I've become quite depressed and have recently started taking some medication. I'm not suicidal or anything, just not always that jolly and my self esteem has taking a huge, huge beating.
I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years and she's amazing, granted we have our ups and downs as every couple does, but she's always stood by me. She knows all about my depression and has pleaded with me to open up to her and tell her when I'm not feeling great. At first, that was hard for me to do but it's certainly become much easier and has helped greatly.
Anyway, the battle I'm really finding difficult to overcome is the sheer lack of self esteem I now have. I've always suffered from little confidence, but it's never been this bad. I look in the mirror and think 'what does she see in me? I'm fat and anything I wear makes me look terrible'. I constantly keep spending money on new clothes trying to improve the way I look (FYI, I'm not fat, I'm a good looking guy and have never had problem with women). She's also started a great new job and while I earn a lot more money than her in my own business, I feel threatened by the changes she's making in her life. I can't help but think - 'what if she leaves me behind?'. The truth is though, these are all completely unfounded thoughts, just last night we were discussing marriage and things of that nature. I have never once worried about our relationship, I've never doubted her love for me, I've never got worried if she doesn't text me back... Now I find myself getting slightly deflated if I don't hear back from her in a reasonable timeframe.
This might not be the usual type of post on this site but I'm just looking for a little advice on how I can improve my confidence in myself and really learn to love myself and let go of any worry I have and just be happy in the now.
Look forward to hearing from you guys and thanks so much in advance.
B!
Hi Berg,
Always try to focus on looking for positive things in anything and anybody you're dealing with, especially
in difficult and stressful situations. I'm talking about having that positive mindset that enables you to see
a half-full glass of water instead of a half-empty glass of water.
Now, before I share with you a very useful psychology trick that helped me adopt and maintain that positive mindset, I suggest that you essentially focus on only two things when coping with your current issue:
1. Try to keep yourself busy doing the things that matter to your true happiness and fulfilment whether it
be working on developing your business or just enjoying your hobbies. Focusing on your true passions is not only what helps you feel happier and more fulfilled but also what helps take your mind off any of your irrational beliefs and worries.
2. Try to get in the habit of letting go of any of your irrational beliefs and worries that cause you to doubt the stability of your current relationship or to distrust your girlfriend in one way or another.
Back to that useful psychological trick.
Every time you find yourself in a situation where you get stuck in an excessive, irrational belief or worry forcing you to desperately want to be in control of something or someone that upsets you, try to ask yourself a very simple question:
"Why am I now already happy?"
Asking myself the above question helped me suddenly stop running around asking random people to lend me thousands of bucks to be able to take up the next big business-building mentorship or to go to the next big money-making seminar.
After having asked myself the
"Why am I now already happy?" question when going to bed one night, I woke up the following morning so blessed that I had such clarity of knowing exactly what my next steps are in relation to starting my own online business that I'd never had before.
It was really amazing how within only a few short minutes of asking myself this question I suddenly realized that I was indeed happy.
I realized that I had all the necessary skills and resources to succeed and make my dream business come true.
It's very interesting that the Harvard university psychologist who taught me the secret of the
"Why am I now already happy?" question, said that a team of researchers came to the realization of the benefits of asking this question after they'd discovered that a number of participants in their research who either won the lottery prize or had the option to choose their desired thing from among many items of the same kind, like clothes and cars, later stated that once they won the lottery money and their desired sports car, they didn't feel truly happy and fulfilled.
What they surprisingly said instead was that they felt much happier and fulfilled before winning the lottery and before winning their favorite sports car.
So, what the above mentioned question does for you immediately after you've asked it is that it simply helps activate your brain's cells responsible for finding the solution to your problem as quickly as possible in such situations where you initially get stuck worrying, complaining or just being sad and depressed about not having something that you desire or not having enough of it.
So, once I decided to accept the pain of all my financial frustrations and cope with it as the result of asking myself the
"Why am I now already happy?" question, my brain's engine got fired up so much that I soon made up a solid plan and a viable strategy to start my own online business all based on identifying my true passions, my strengths and my free resources.
Hope you find my post enlightening and helpful.
Bruno
CHAT
