To start, I am not 100% sure why I'm even posting this - I just feel like I need some objective opinion from people who don't personally know me.

Over 2 months ago I got out of a 5 year relationship, went through a difficult recovery but my life has been only good since I became single. My business is growing, bought a brand new car and slept with several women (including my first ever one night stand). I am very happy with where I am personally. My biggest issue is I've always been a relationship kind of guy and for some reason majority of girls I hook up with/date hope for a relationship. I had to turn some of them down and it felt great (being in the position to do that).

A while ago I posted about this girl who I find very attractive and sweet as a relationship material. Haven't acted on it ,as some of you suggested, but we kept on going out on dates and I kept on enjoying my single life at the same time. I went out 2 nights ago with my mates, another successful night. I haven't text her all night but spoke to her beforehand. Next day she initiated this conversation how she's developed strong feelings for me and how she's wanting to get serious but is also afraid at the same time and asked if we're exclusive or not. To be honest I am not too sure what to do. I can not think of a single girl I've ever known that would be as interesting and hot as her but I have my reservations. My friends think she's the coolest girl ever. I am going away for the weekend with her next Friday and I have this feeling the boyfriend/girlfriend chat is going to happen.

One of my theories about this hesitation relates back to my 5 year relationship. Last week I started working with my ex again (as a coach) and even though I've made up my mind that I don't want to be with her no matter what - this idea of trying to reconnect has been on my mind. I am not letting that happen though, I'm keeping it purely professional but it did enough to make me question if I can really commit to somebody else. Is this a case of oneitis? If so - why? I can't logically think of a single benefit of getting back together and I can see plenty of benefits of committing to the other girl.

I just want to move on once and for all, don't look back and let that in any way affect me. It's been 2 months, I am doing great but it's still holding me back. I question whether it was a good idea to coach her again (the only reason I agreed to was for my business as she's no. 1 athlete in her discipline in the country). Opinions?

I am looking forward to the drama that will come because of this...

If you can be professional with your ex(which I doubt), great.
If you think that you are emotionally ready for a new relationship after just breaking up with your ex (which I doubt), great.
If you think a new girlfriend would be happy with you coaching your old girlfriend (which I doubt), great.

It's like you're playing with matches, smoking a cigarette, and standing in gasoline all at once.

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I think I remember you, and suggesting that you extricate your ex from your life. And here you are now, the attachment is still there, albeit maybe a bit less than when it was before. Make no mistake that it is impeding your progress. Find a new place to coach, quite her as your client, whatever you got to so you no longer have an association with her. Until you do that, you're only making life harder for yourself.


This is why its generally a terrible idea to remain friends after a breakup, at least not until the attachment has completely died-off, and for some that never happens.

You're experiencing what I was telling you about months ago. By coaching her, and having ANY interaction with her you will make it next to impossible to date other people and free yourself up. Mark my words, your attachment to your ex will continue on till either you find out she's dating someone else (and cause more pain for yourself), or you stop coaching her altogether.

You're deciding to remain tethered to her. If you continue on this path there's no point dating anyone else.

I strongly disagree with Jack and n2 on this one...

MY advice:
If you can be professional with your ex(which I doubt), great.
If you think that you are emotionally ready for a new relationship after just breaking up with your ex (which I doubt), great.
If you think a new girlfriend would be happy with you coaching your old girlfriend (which I doubt), great.

It's like you're playing with matches, smoking a cigarette, and standing in gasoline all at once.

Also, Make no mistake that it is impeding your progress. Find a new place to coach, quite her as your client, whatever you got to so you no longer have an association with her. Until you do that, you're only making life harder for yourself.


This is why its generally a terrible idea to remain friends after a breakup, at least not until the attachment has completely died-off, and for some that never happens.

You're experiencing what I was telling you about months ago. By coaching her, and having ANY interaction with her you will make it next to impossible to date other people and free yourself up. Mark my words, your attachment to your ex will continue on till either you find out she's dating someone else (and cause more pain for yourself), or you stop coaching her altogether.

You're deciding to remain tethered to her. If you continue on this path there's no point dating anyone else.

I think it's all slightly exaggerated guys. I am well and truly over my ex (hence the decision I was ready to coach her). I spoke to the other girl about coaching my ex and she said she's got no problem with it as she trusts me completely on that one. There is no way, nor have I got the intention, of getting back with my ex anyway.

What I don't understand is the hesitation when it comes to getting into a new relationship with a girl that matches every criteria. Weeks ago I wrote down the qualities a girl should have for me to consider getting into a relationship with and she ticks all the boxes.

Also, seeing my ex's didn't make me want to get back with her as such, just made me question if I can trust somebody enough and commit myself to them. Another reason - maybe I am just afraid of having to go through the effort of having a girlfriend. Either way your replies did exactly what I wanted to happen - made me look at this and think from a different perspective.

PS. @Neo why do you disagree with Jack and n2?

I've been through this.

You're hung up on your ex.

Have sex with someone younger, hotter and smarter and it all goes away.

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Already have, several times. I am considering a new relationship here - not making a move on my ex.

See how those 2 things dont match up?
Lol. Of course the new girl will say she has no problem with it. First, she's not gonna show her jealous side so early to scare you. 2nd, even if now she really feels that way, its a different story a month from now or 2 months. If she were actually being clear headed, a guy coming out of a FIVE YEAR relationship 2 MONTHS ago, wouldnt be a good bet. Its too soon for either of you to know each other like that. Its the honeymoon phase.

But...maybe you 2 (you and your ex) can have a purely professional relationship...no drama and no feelings. BUT...It's way too soon to have an idea of whether that's true. And attaching yourself so soon to her is not a good move. 5 years together, living together, working together...those feelings aren't just gone in 2 months. Maybe they are on her side, as she was the one who broke up...but its way too soon on yours. Sleeping with a bunch of women is great; it doesnt mean you're ready yet. Are you ready to trust again? Are you ready to risk getting hurt again? Are you ready to work with someone you lived with 5 years and NOT let those feelings enter your new relationship? Banging 1 chick or 1000 chicks isnt going to solve those things. Neither is buying a car or how much $ you have in the bank. If it were me, I wouldnt coach her. Either she's the talent, and I'm riding off her by being her coach, or I'm a good coach and can get someone to her level.

My biggest issue is the trust. I am not afraid of getting hurt as the part where I got really hurt was my own fault and I won't make the same mistake again. Are you saying that my doubt is all tied to my ex? If so this is extremely frustrating. 2 months of no issues, no contact, no drama - 4 days since we worked together and I'm confused again. I was told taking her on might "cost me" a lot of negative emotions but I thought I was ready. She is a talent but I shaped her into a player that she is. She went from anonymous to no. 1 in a year, mostly, thanks to me.

Ex issue resolved then. What about the new girl? Even more than ex, I can't get her off my mind. All this relationship talk is coming from her by the way. She knows she's hot, she's successful in her field and she isn't the type of girl to usually initiate anything. Decisions, decisions...

You're in massive denial.

I disagree. I made a mistake thinking I was ready to do something I wasn't ready to do. I admitted to that and took action. I resigned as her coach today and I feel great. How is that denial?

Question wasn't about my ex, question was about the new girl. With everything going on and your advice I realised that the attachment of coaching my ex was the biggest thing holding me back. That's gone now and I feel like with that obstacle removed I could commit - depending on how the conversation goes.
I mean, fucking girls and going out on random dates is fun but I haven't even contacted most of them after sex/dates. This one I have been talking to for the last 6 weeks and I am looking forward to every next chat/date/phone call. I've learnt from my past relationship what I want and I think she can give me just that. Not to mention she's a babe.

@Jack There was a bit of drama as she told people she wasn't mentally ready and couldn't deal with us working together but nothing too exciting. She didn't even have the "balls" to communicate it to me personally (that she didn't want to work with me either), I sorted it out with her other coach. Sorry to disappoint in that department!

Dude, you made a post about your ex on a forum. All of your replies (which are quite lengthy) are about your ex.

The evidence is right before your eyes.

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What was the matter of break up Op. I remember not clearly but there was another cock in the picture or what?

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