No Friends - Does it matter?



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PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2016 5:14 am 
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I'm in the same boat SPAM but i have had friends in the past its just that i don't talk to them as they are in jail or junkies now. The good thing is your not letting that get to you to much.

But yeah i'm not sure what to say when the topic of friends arises either. If your just picking up a girl for the night it doesn't matter but for dating i still don't know what to do. I have people that i talk to but haven't got alone with anyone to the point of being buddy's yet.

I think, that for us both, we should try to avoid the topic of friends for as long as possible. It will not come up in the early stages of dating. But once it does, just be truthful and explain coherently what the deal is. By this point in time the woman should have taken a liking to you, therefore they won't freak out and abandon you for having an abnormal social life. Once you get a woman to like you they will be more prone to empathy. I know that if I had a serious conversation wherein I shared all the details about my past they would bawl their eyes out and sympathize with me. Not everybody is lucky and if they are a proper woman they will understand that. If they don't, you are better off with someone who is superior to them.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2016 5:16 am 
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I think I'm right when I sense that molding myself around what they'd enjoy is a form of supplication...
That would be correct.

Do what you enjoy man. You don't have hobbies so you can brag to other people about what your hobbies are. You have hobbies because you enjoy doing them and they bring spark to your life.
Collecting stamps isn't a hobby imo, it's a habit. Hobby implies doing something pro-actively. Like gym, skydiving, kickboxing, video games, poker, playing a sport, riding a bike, cooking, dancing, etc. Something that actually engages you intellectually, physically or both.
One thing I have noticed, however. Is that in America, there isn't a shortage of friends. Jobs, maybe. But not friends. Pretty much everyone who is sane grows up with enough friends. You kick it off in middle school and by high school everything is pretty much "cemented" so to speak. There may be a few additions in colllege but not many. My point is, most people I run into have plenty of friends by now. There isn't really any reason for them to welcome me into their circle. From what I can tell it's School, Military, Prison that are best for making friends. Because you live right alongside people for extended periods of time. You literally do everything with them. Not writing off your idea of hobbies. I just feel it will only get me "outer circle" friends. The thing with hobbies is, we as adults spend only a couple hours a week at the gym, at this hobby, at that hobby. It seems that once we are adults we don't have time for new long-term friends. The opportunity has passed for that. Maybe "outer circle" friends can be accepted. But not inner. Know what I mean?


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2016 5:22 am 
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What is your success with women like?


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2016 7:54 am 
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Joined: Thu Oct 13, 2011 1:53 pm
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I think I'm right when I sense that molding myself around what they'd enjoy is a form of supplication...
That would be correct.

Do what you enjoy man. You don't have hobbies so you can brag to other people about what your hobbies are. You have hobbies because you enjoy doing them and they bring spark to your life.
Collecting stamps isn't a hobby imo, it's a habit. Hobby implies doing something pro-actively. Like gym, skydiving, kickboxing, video games, poker, playing a sport, riding a bike, cooking, dancing, etc. Something that actually engages you intellectually, physically or both.
One thing I have noticed, however. Is that in America, there isn't a shortage of friends. Jobs, maybe. But not friends. Pretty much everyone who is sane grows up with enough friends. You kick it off in middle school and by high school everything is pretty much "cemented" so to speak. There may be a few additions in colllege but not many. My point is, most people I run into have plenty of friends by now. There isn't really any reason for them to welcome me into their circle. From what I can tell it's School, Military, Prison that are best for making friends. Because you live right alongside people for extended periods of time. You literally do everything with them. Not writing off your idea of hobbies. I just feel it will only get me "outer circle" friends. The thing with hobbies is, we as adults spend only a couple hours a week at the gym, at this hobby, at that hobby. It seems that once we are adults we don't have time for new long-term friends. The opportunity has passed for that. Maybe "outer circle" friends can be accepted. But not inner. Know what I mean?
That's true to a degree. But it's like that everywhere. However, real friendships build overtime. Not immediately.

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2016 9:53 pm 
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I think I'm right when I sense that molding myself around what they'd enjoy is a form of supplication...
That would be correct.

Do what you enjoy man. You don't have hobbies so you can brag to other people about what your hobbies are. You have hobbies because you enjoy doing them and they bring spark to your life.
Collecting stamps isn't a hobby imo, it's a habit. Hobby implies doing something pro-actively. Like gym, skydiving, kickboxing, video games, poker, playing a sport, riding a bike, cooking, dancing, etc. Something that actually engages you intellectually, physically or both.
One thing I have noticed, however. Is that in America, there isn't a shortage of friends. Jobs, maybe. But not friends. Pretty much everyone who is sane grows up with enough friends. You kick it off in middle school and by high school everything is pretty much "cemented" so to speak. There may be a few additions in colllege but not many. My point is, most people I run into have plenty of friends by now. There isn't really any reason for them to welcome me into their circle. From what I can tell it's School, Military, Prison that are best for making friends. Because you live right alongside people for extended periods of time. You literally do everything with them. Not writing off your idea of hobbies. I just feel it will only get me "outer circle" friends. The thing with hobbies is, we as adults spend only a couple hours a week at the gym, at this hobby, at that hobby. It seems that once we are adults we don't have time for new long-term friends. The opportunity has passed for that. Maybe "outer circle" friends can be accepted. But not inner. Know what I mean?
For full reference, I live in Europe, but like RC said the situation in this is probably the same.

You are only focusing on people who live in the same place they grew up in. Many people move cities and after moving know no one in the new city they moved to for whatever reason. So they definitely don't have their high school or even uni friends hanging around. I left my country when I was 19 to go to UK to study, and after uni have moved city (and sometimes country) every 2 years for career reasons. That's maybe a bit on the extreme end, but every major city has loads of people who moved there knowing no one.

Yes to make true friends you have to spend a lot of time together. But the way you end up spending a lot of time together is by spending a little time together first and then if you enjoy each others' company you spend more & more time naturally. So say if you go dancing, you do dancing (and you have to enjoy it otherwise you will bore not just yourself but the other people too), but then easily you do drinks together, picnics, whatever. Dancing is probably one of the easiest in this respect, since it naturally attracts young people (sounds like your profile), but other hobbies would work too.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2016 1:17 am 
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For full reference, I live in Europe, but like RC said the situation in this is probably the same.

You are only focusing on people who live in the same place they grew up in. Many people move cities and after moving know no one in the new city they moved to for whatever reason. So they definitely don't have their high school or even uni friends hanging around. I left my country when I was 19 to go to UK to study, and after uni have moved city (and sometimes country) every 2 years for career reasons. That's maybe a bit on the extreme end, but every major city has loads of people who moved there knowing no one.
You are probably right because I live in the same town that I grew up in and nobody here is interested in me in the least. I will consider moving somewhere else. Maybe even a different coast.


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