You are holding on trying to understand what went wrong because ultimately you blame yourself. Did you make mistakes, yes. We already advised you not to be needy and continue to contact her. Other than that, you have to stop blaming yourself for her being abusive. You are only a "catalyst" for this behavior because you are the only person allowing it to happen. If a fist is swinging at your head do you need to know why or is it good enough just to duck? You have trapped yourself emotionally by continuing to blame yourself and feeling guilty like it was all your fault. We have all been needy before but none of these girls punched us in the face. So obviously it isn't your behavior that caused it it is your willingness to let her do what she wants, which is exactly what she is doing, what she wants. She will be abusive to her next boyfriend but the next boyfriend won't take that shit and will dump her or send her to jail or have her in an even worse situation. It's her life and her decisions! You can't control her. She will always do what she wants so don't look for techniques to make her want what you want her to do. You are simply holding onto this guilt and you are unwilling to let go because you want to not make these mistakes in the future. Take note: don't get an abusive girlfriend and if things go south don't get needy. That's all you need to know to move forward and be a better person

Ultimately your need to fix this has caused you to stay in an abusive relationship, be manipulated into believing you deserved it because of who you are, and continued to want to fix it. Letting go means accepting that what happened is now out of your control and now you must not repeat your mistakes in the future, including having a girlfriend who's values are way off base, unless your values are aligned with abuse and shitty SPAM.

He is the catalyst because he can't let go of things. Imagine what that girl goes through when she can't explain something to his satisfaction. I get why she is refusing to talk to him and telling everyone he's a stalker.

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Yes, I agree. At this point he must realize that the things everyone has pointed out is driving her away, far far away. What he must know though is that there are behaviors he can take responsibility before and some he cannot. Her reactions are a telling sign of how she is feeling and if he can't respond to them appropriately then he obviously is creating a bigger problem. What he can't take responsibility for is her reactions of abuse because that is not an issue of him as much as an issue of her. Something tells me the full story isn't here. Now what he must do is stop trying to fix this situation because it's broken. Quit taking responsibility for fixing it out of guilt.

He's had pages and pages of responses with you, others, me all saying the exact same thing. Each time he responds with "I can't understand why...". At some point WE have to understand that someone is beyond help(at least from this forum). My response wasn't really to him...it was to everyone else that keep going around in circles with him. It's not going to help him because there is something deeper in his psyche that is wrong and it has him stuck in a loop. He's one of those guys that will make you drown with him when you're trying to pull him out of the ocean.

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Too focused on content, completely dissociated from his experience (feelings and needs). Until he connects to all this stuff that's alive in him, the hurt, suffering etc he'll continue this pattern. This means getting out of his head, and no chasing thoughts like a dog going after its own tail.

Truth is this thread really didn't help the op at all. If he had never posted hed bein the exact same position... Beaten dumped and now trying to stalk and get back. I'm just curious at this point what she looks like. I bet she's a really small average looking girl. Come on skinny in curious now. You're not being helped here... You'll ask again what you did and what we think about this strategy. And whether you write a letter or not it wouldn't be from the advice here.

We are all right about this one fact: it's seemingly over at this point in time. Perhaps forever. My guess is that she's on to the next because you are clearly not helping her think of you fondly. Right now the forum has spoke and suggested that you do one of two things: figure out what your need is that you are stuck on, which only you can possibly decide, but appears to be some kind of comfort in being able to win her back. The second thing you can do is stop making the same mistakes over and over and at this point the mistake is contacting her AT ALL. If anyone in this forum had a magic bullet that they could use to win her back by now we would have suggested it. You are fishing for the answers you want and the answer is unfortunately that this relationship needs some serious time for contemplation. THAT IS THE MAGIC BULLET. Drop off her radar and at the very least she doesn't continue saying how stalkerish you have been and at the very most maybe one day you will both be different people and be able to figure it out from there. Honestly, you have to realize what you are gaining. Imagine knocking a girl up like this and forever being tied to her as she abuses you and teaches your child how a man should be treated. What a nightmare. There's no magic bullet for this but you sure as hell dodged a bullet. She had enough balls to dump YOU and that could be both because she knew deep down that she was a shitty gf and that you still would come crawling back. Don't do that. If you'll accept anything then you are in the wrong mindset for a relationship. You don't need to fix this. You just need to leave her alone and stay out of her life and get on with your own.

Damn, i thought I was a mess..

Yes, I truly am a mess it seems.
It's funny, people when they see me and talk to me think I am such a nice social guy, with a bright future, but these are my darkest secrets. Being responsible for my failures in my life are biggest fears, that this relationship, being the utmost hardest thing I have ever been through has destroyed me and all I can think and take from it was - was this my fault?

Today, I tried, I bought a new MacBook Pro, I looked at cameras to buy, I really want to get into photography, edit photos, post on instagram, get into that shit, I then went out to a club with friends, I tried to talk to girls, and jeezish, it was like starting all over again. Additionally, I realized girls are basically sluts in our age, and it scares me she will just go fuck ten other guys just like the game tells me to do, GFTOW...

I was needy, maybe I made her fucking just hate me, because of how needy I am. This break up is literally destroying me, all I do everyday is read articles on abusive relationships, stockholm syndrom, I make sticky notes and re-read all the posts that touch me that you guys write, R.C, Marias, and Methodology's in particular, I read everyday. I tell myself, its not your fault, it is who she is, but the truth is at the beginning she was so witty and funny and loving and so caring. The things she would say to me melted my heart and over time, the way she controlled me, i thought it was okay to do back to her, and I lost sight of what is right and wrong to do, and I didn't stop. She hated me for it. 'What are you doing, who are you eating lunch with, whose that, bla bla bla' are questions I asked on the daily and she hated me for it. Why the fuck would she miss me. Obviously she doesnt want to fucking hear from me. All I see are the times I put up with her abuse, the slaps, the money I spent on her, the memories, the trips I made to see her, the gifts we shared, the valentines, the baths, the cuddles, the sex, the massages, and I think in my head, dont you fucking miss that. Im so fucking messed up because logically why the fuck wouldnt I want better.

Love - obviously is like a drug, the serotonin and all that shit work in the same way, I am obviously in withdrawal, and Im struggling, I feel bipolar, one minute I read my sticky notes and say fuck you, fuck her, you treated me like shit, then I am alone, with my thoughts, and I think god I miss you and us, I loved you, and I wanted our future even though you treated me like shit. And I wonder if I should call her, just to say hey, if she would like that, and then I re read all your posts again, and everyone says dont, so I dont. Deep down, I just hope she thinks about me, misses me, wants to come back. Maybe so for ONCE I have some control, even have the chance to be like no, you treated me like shit, so she could work for it, for once. I dont even know if I do want her back (obviously I want her to want me back), but the fact that someone can make me feel so unloved. I feel so.... unworthy. I gave everything for almost two years, and its this easy for her. The day it was over, literally, was the day she got over me. This, will eat me up for months, maybe a year. We all know it.

I am so depressed, it is beyond true.

The only thing I have left of hers is her luggage, which she is still trying to dictate and tell me when and where to drop it off. Last week she said come to her track meet which was an hour away. This weekend she has a track meet twenty minutes from my house. I texted her (only contact we had this week) saying I will drop by to give her back her luggage and she said 'no thats not a good idea, dont do that and dont come please'. I didnt reply.

I am going to text her tomorrow (after your feedback and say), You have three options, I give you the luggage at your track meet, you plan a road trip down here in your own time to get it, or I mail you the luggage and you can pay for it. Im done scheduling my life around what suits you.

At least maybe that would let her see I am done with her shit, when I just want her to be texting me deep down.. youve all made that clear that, that wont happen. So thats my best guess. Send that, block all forms.

I have unfollowed her on instagram, unfriended on facebook, she deleted me off snapchat first (not sure why at first).. and i deleted her number, and dont have it in my call or text history.

No one has enough time to read this. We know you are miserable. I mentioned earlier that you are making yourself miserable. Stop thinking about this. There is no closure other than to stop mulling it over in your head. This self pity sadness has got to stop. You must read over the messages we sent you and see where things fit. I'm serious! You are your own worst enemy! How can you move on, or even live, let alone keep a girlfriend when you have your own thoughts destroying you!? You shouldn't believe every thought that goes through your head, including the ones that made you go off the deep end. You thought thoughts that made you feel suspicious of her because you have read way too much "game" that professes if you don't act "this way" then she will cheat on you. Then you got paranoid and felt like you were losing her. Then you acted paranoid, and you lost her, like a self fulfilling prophecy! If the thoughts that go through your head don't boost your confidence, then don't listen to them. You might debate that "what if they are true?" Well, does it make your ability to keep her any easier if you feel like shit rather than confident and secure? Your example says that the insecure guy does lose. But that isn't even some "game" talk. That's common sense! So, from now on, change your attitude. You will see things differently, and you will realize you are creating your own personal hell. Everytime you start feeling yourself slipping back into this depression then you need to take your mind off the need to find answers! The answers are no good if they make your life miserable! They also aren't answers! You interpret this situation how you like! I say you dodged a bullet and you should be happy, and you say you lost her and its your fault and you should feel like a bad person! Find some meditation practices and learn to observe your thoughts without reacting emotionally to them. Then decide if you believe "this" thought then will you be a happier person or not? Then get rid of the ones that make you feel bad and interpret the situation differently

Stop trying to game her. Don't give her ultimatums like you have power in this situation because you don't. You have a bad enough reputation in her mind and she doesn't want to feel like you are forcing her to see you by holding her luggage hostage. You will get over her the moment you stop thinking so much about her. You are clearly confused about what you feel, but right now is not the time to figure it out. Come revisit it later. Tell her that you sent the luggage and give her the tracking number. Don't be mean or resentful. Be the bigger man. You have nothing to lose at this point and being kind can turn over a new leaf. All you want from her is for her not to tell everyone how you've behaved or else you'll never have another girlfriend. So break bread and play nice.

Methodology, thank you. Why are you so sure of this girl being bad, an abuser, when this is all through my eyes. How can you be so sure I dodged a bullet, when you haven't even met this girl

FUCK MAN.!!!!!!! The girl hit you and bit you. That's all someone needs to hear to tell you to run. You really gonna defend her? Are you 12? No offense man but now I'm questioning whether you're autistic or something when simple shit eludes you. Fuck man stop being so pathetic. Mail the mother fucking luggage and stop asking questions to analyze this girl. This story should have ended when she first hit you. All of your posts from now on should be on you.. Not this fucked up relationship or what's going on with your ex.

Your struggle is based on your belief among the women of the world is that options are a zero ...

They aren't. Take off the fucking blinders and look around.

That blond with the black yoga pants jogging by the other day, is obtainable.

The petite cutie at the coffee shop, obtainable.

The girl with the J'lo ass and ponytail.......yup, obtainable.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.