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I just want different perspectives on this. Everyone knows the shitty abusive relationship I was in. Somehow she managed to turn it around and act as if she was the victim and she ended it with me.
I have a question, is it really true that when you reach a point where the relationship is just over, toxic, and she ignores you, doesn't reply, is the best thing to do nothing. It's just done?
Is there any plan/tactic/any story, letter, or words that can be used.
I messaged her friends asking if there was another guy, or what was up and she basically labelled me a stalker. After being treated like shit, called names, and so more I reached a place I was just so insecure and didn't know what to think.
Now I have to recreate myself, better myself, I was just thinking, even if I did want to fight for her, out of curiosty and a gaming point, how would I even go about it.
You weren't a stalker. A stalker is someone who is following someone else over a long period of time. You asked if she was with someone else. That's just normal reaction of someone who wants someone else.
Obviously she is an abusive person. You are not in love with her and what you are experiencing is not love or desire. You are addicted to her.
Realise that all she does is an act to control you. She knows that you want her and she is using it to get an ego boost out of your pain and your willingness to put up with anything she does to you. Every time she does something bad and you put up with it she knows she can control you and she gets reassured that she has value.
The reason she dumped you is not another man. She dumped you because you were easy to manipulate and she is sure that she can control your mind. This woman doesn't have romantic feelings towards you. I doubt that she even loves herself. She believes that she is more than what she actually is, she knows that and she is trying to get validation that what her eyes see is not true. A person who can't love herself can't love anyone else.
People like her (ie abusers) are in a constant inner battle with themselves. They have a low self esteem and high expectations from themselves. That's why they are in a constant need to control others. If you read books on abuse/domestic violence you will be able to recognise her behavioral pattern and understand why she does what she does.
You are not codependent. The problem is not that you have low self esteem. A woman like such would have been chipping off the confidence you have gradually until you have nothing left. So don't beat yourself up.
The whole lesson out of this is that you need to start standing up for yourself. You need to know what you want and not settle down for anything less, you need to become stronger and learn how to detach emotionally from someone who is not worth your time.
You see, people like you, who fall victims of such personalities are good people, people who usually wear their heart on their sleeve. Experiences like this help you build character and toughen up.
As it was mentioned before a person with solid self esteem and confidence would had dropped her since the beginning or would have stopped considered her important and maybe would have used her for sex only or when he needed her for whatever he needed her. That's true... HOWEVER... very FEW people have the ability to emotionally detach on call.
You have two options in your case... Number one is go no contact, block any form of direct and indirect communication, block her social media, change number, let go of common friends.. erase her from everywhere. This will help you move on and rebuild yourself stronger and better.
the other option is become a sociopath like her.. lol that's not an option. You are either born a sociopath or you are not. So yeah forget about it
See it as a learning opportunity. When you feel pain think "whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger".
And please keep in mind that there are good women out there who have all the desirable things she has but they don't treat men in such a way. Don't paint with the same brush all women.
CHAT
