Met this girl back in January at the bar where I work. She actually approached first.

Nothing happened that night but I added her on Facebook and we hit it off pretty well, had nice conversations. She was ALWAYS the one initiating, she seemed really interested and she offered to meet up a few times. I flaked on her a few times and it made her want me even more.

3 weeks ago I finally decided to date her. We had a great night, she ended up sleeping in my bed but nothing happened. Told me the day after she had a great time, and she wanted to see me again soon.

From that point she became really into me, messaging day and night, showing A LOT of interest. The next weekend she actually got mad when I couldn't see her on friday night but we met on saturday and had sex and an overall nice time.

Then I caught feels. Yeah. I did.

I started becoming a little more insecure, I really hate catching feels since it turns me into a beta bitch.
I gave her shit when she told me about a night where she made a tinder account with a friend just for fun. Then I gave her more shit about a friend of her she was seeing because I know the guy was into her. Basically became a jealous little bitch. I even told her maybe we should end things between us, once or twice.

Then last weekend, I woke up really late on friday since I work nights when she wanted to see me, she expressed the fact that she was mad because she ''needed more than that'' and that she couldn't handle the ''relationship'' because she felt I wasn't making any efforts. I took a cab to her place, we fucked, and I left the next morning. We saw each other on saturday aswell, rinse and repeat and had a great time.

Then when she left on sunday morning, she seemed really ''in her head'' like something was bothering her. When she left that morning I lost it and started messaging her very needy stuff. I once again told her that we might have to end it since I was becoming attached ( really just wanted her to reciprocate my feelings, I'm a manipulative idiot). And after a bit of bantering I think she was done with me. I made her lose all her attraction towards me, I became a loser. She told me she thought we werent at the same ''stage'' in the relationship, that she couldn't promise her feelings would grow like I wanted it and that the pressure was too much. I tried to salvage and only made things worse. Told her I would leave her alone.

A week went by, I know she was very busy with work since she's a med student. Yesterday I messaged her and asked her out for dinner but she was busy, then I tried to talk her out of ''leaving for good'' once again and she told me we would talk after her work.

Then we had a chat and she said she was sorry for being so busy, and sorry for not writing to me during the week. That her life was very chaotic. I asked her if she missed me and she said it wasn't ''Like that'' and she reciprocated her thoughts that she wasn't ready to commit to something with me since she thought I was already too ''involved'' and she didn't want the pressure and blablabla. I then explained myself and she seemed a little relunctant but finally said ''ok, I really want to believe you'' and agreed that we always had a great time together, aside from the sissy fits. I told her I would get my shit together. She told me she was scared still, that she thought it might not be a good moment for her and etc etc. Then she fell asleep.


Now I'm wondering what my next course of action is. Do I let her come back to me or do I try to set up a meeting as soon as possible and beat the iron while it's hot? I'm scared that If I try to impose a meeting she will only go back to her defensive state.

I was thinking of offering to go by her place with take out tommorow and leave after since I have a party, It might make her feel more secure and then I can try to get her interest levels high again.

In the beginning, she was the one chasing you, and in what now seems to be the end, you're the one trying to fix the problems that you created at first place. What does It tell you? That's correct, you dug your own grave. You let your insecurities take the most of you. You are no longer the man she first met.

Now you're way too invested in this, and making yourself even more available will not get you anywhere. At least for now, leave her alone, do not contact her, let her come to you, If she doesn't, she wasn't that interested. And I hope you realize you can't keep this or any other woman in your current situation, so put yourself together, stop being so needy, and start improving yourself; and most importantly, learn from your mistakes.

Is/was this a relationship?

Sounds about right.

It hurts because I never learn from my mistakes. And I find a girl I really like once every two years. I'm growing older and it's scary to think of all the great women I disappointed in my life. They could've turned into nice blooming relationships if not for my silly mistakes.

For the record I asked her about meeting up and eating something at her place. She declined saying she needed to concentrate on work and when I told her don't be sorry, just let me know when you want to hang out. She saw the message but never actually replied. It's so heartbreaking to think that this girl was all over me a week ago, and nothing really happened between us except me showing my insecurities. I mean it was going perfectly between us when we were together, and she even admitted it yesterday. I just lost all the attraction she had for me by acting like a pussy. I will never forgive myself.

It's pretty hard looking at my post history.. Been coming on these forums for advice for close to 10 years and still haven't learned a fucking thing.

Say you get her back. Then what?

You're still the same guy. You didn't fix the problem. You just postponed it. And in one or two months you'll be right back here with a similar topic.

Even if you get her back, you'll never get her back. You destroyed the imagine she had of you. She knows what you really are. She'll never be as attracted to you again.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but it's true.

You'd be better off getting your shit together before you worry about dating. Figure out why you're so needy. Why are you insecure? What are you displeased with?

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

I wish this wasn't true, or that I could tell you I learned my lesson and want to start something serious with this girl, that it was the kick in the ass I needed to get my shit together. But you're probably right. Even if I muster the strength to hide my insecurities, they will probably eat me whole and make me completely miserable.

It's really sad though. Because I'm not sure I'll ever be secure and love myself truly. I will probably never be able to have a serious relationship. I'm 28 in a few weeks.

My mind is really good at making me believe this girl was the one, and that I probably won't find another that will make me feel this way, at the moment I'm still completely obsessed. The last time we talked she seemed unsure but I saw hope when she told me she wanted to believe me, that she liked when we were together etc. But then I guess I went too hard too quick once again inviting her the very next morning. It's breaking my fucking heart.

If the pussy juicy enough, everyone toughts this is the true one.

_________________
Carpe Diem, Dolce Vita...

Psychal power comes through Mental strenght.

Pretty insightful.

She actually messaged me tonight :

Hey , I'm still alive, stuff at work is coming along but it's still a really hectic period for me, I'm thinking about you anyhow, I hope you're doing ok.


To wich I reply that I was doing great, working alot also. We chatted back and forth a little, she told me she couldn't wait to be done with work at the end of the month and I told her I couldn't wait for my birthday on the 21st, that I might even have a drink or two and that my friends were stoked (I usually dont drink much)

She said I wouldn't want to miss this, I hope you send me snapchats... I was a little confused and added ''well why wouldn't you be there in person?'' to which she replied I'll come if you want me to.

Then we had a little more back and forth, mostly me teasing her. And then I obviously had to ask her if she thought she'd had some free time over the weekend. To which she replied ''It depends about how my meeting on friday morning goes, but Its looking bleek. Then I said alright and told her I had to leave and wished her goodnight.



Now I'm completely mind fucked. The last thing I want is get my hopes up about her giving me another chance and coming back if she's just being nice.. But that first message was really something.

I need you guys' opinion about this message she sent me.

So she was never your gf....

You already got your advice. Her message changes nothing.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

It was the start of a relationship yes. If we had to break it off it meant we had something going on.

I'm not sure what your point is, to be frank.

Remember how she told you that you were already too involved? The moment she contacted you, you drop a hint to her coming to your birthday and then inviting her out to dinner. It's sad because she chased you in the beginning and she loved it, but you refuse to allow her to chase you now.

You're restarting that needy pattern of yours all over again.

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