I've heard the term so many times but I have never completely understood it until I met some old friends from school with their girlfriends . When I was younger I used to study waay more and wasn't sociable at all and I lacked the confidence I have today . Apparently most of my friends know this already and they don't know the new me , when I engaged them I remembered what it was like meeting people when I was younger since they treated me the exact same way as before > Sure I had more energy , I was much more lively and humorous and I got a couple of laughs from every one around but still I understood the message they were sending me " we aren't gonna bite this " I had this feeling of being an outsider no matter what and that I was stuck inside this frame that had plagued me for much of my childhood . How to I reframe this image I had if I ever meet old friends ? Am i making sense ?

Inception is a great movie because why? It explains where most people go wrong in thinking about anything, and it applies to pickup just as much as anything else.

As long as you hold that deep rooted idea in your head, it will plague and destroy you - just as Mal killed herself simply because she believed she wasn't in the real world.

Change the frame. You're viewing your social interactions as negative encounters when I don't think it's that negative at all. Whether you bombed the interaction or did well in it, is besides the point. What seems to be the problem is you place a lot of importance on what others think of you. Stop that. Change the frame from "I really care what people think about me" to " I don't give a shit what people think about me"

I also don't do well in social interactions as I'm naturally an introverted person. I don't feel the need to build rapport with anyone, cause quite frankly, I don't really care about how I'm viewed. I like building rapport with women though, don't get me wrong, but with other men, especially when most men are quite sociable but highly unintelligent, I feel like I'm either wasting my time or I'm going to like this person, but after talking to them for about 20 minutes, he turns out to be someone I don't find myself ever wanting to hang out with. I like hanging out with men who are intelligent, good with women, and who aren't going to embarrass me on a night out. As we all know, those kind of men are hard to come around.

The key is not to care. I mean, being distant when people are engaging you might become confrontational, but after they realize that that's just the kind of person you are, they will accept it. You can win someone over by being someone you're not, but you can win everyone over just being who you are.

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FOREVER A STUDENT OF SEDUCTION

You must be seduced by women in order to seduce women-ElijahGuru

Lloyd- Party All Over Your Body https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9DgwZnjI_M

unrelated note , if the key is not to care how can anyone humiliate you . At the end of the day the humiliating act is exactly what you are preaching : not caring .
I hold nothing as deep rooted idea , I discovered what I am saying to you by the end of the interaction . This never happens to me when i interact with new people .

It's hard to decipher what are you saying here. The key is not to care, yes, because your childhood friends who you think will remember you as being off-standish, are in fact, actually not going to remember that about you unless they don't like you. We only remember our enemies by what we hated them for, and our friends for what he liked them for, especially when reconnecting after a long period of time. If in fact they do remember how you were as a kid, they will probably see the new you, and realize "oh wow, hey, this guy grew up". You are not on trial, to defend the person you were years ago. You are simply demonstrating your authentic personality every time you meet someone, old or new.

You worry too much about irrelevant things, and try to come off as someone intelligible by trying to dismiss the importance of not giving a fuck. Not giving a fuck is the single most important thing that anyone can ever try to ingrain into your mind. I'm not saying that you don't give a fuck about laws and woman's boundaries, I'm saying if you stop worrying so much about trying to fit in, you may lose your virginity.

_________________
FOREVER A STUDENT OF SEDUCTION

You must be seduced by women in order to seduce women-ElijahGuru

Lloyd- Party All Over Your Body https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9DgwZnjI_M

You're on your way to becoming bartm dude. Do you want that?

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I get it , the unrelated note I mentioned was a question i was asking about you . You said that you hang out with intelligent men who don't humiliate you . If you don't care and your friends don't care why is there any sort of humiliation at all ?
Btw I guess I am way ahead of bartm , I go out , meet new people frequently hang out with girls , occasionally number close . I guess my problem is fine tuning my inner game a bit . I read a ebook by vin dicarlo but found it way to general and dull . I occasionally read “Way of The Superior Man” by David Deida but still feel it isn't really doing it for me . Any suggestions about fine tuning my inner game without getting drunk partying ?

Did you read Models by Mark Manson?

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

This just means you're still in transition to this "new you", but old friends definitely have their ways of keeping you from fulling converting over to the new guy. As you said, they constantly remind you of who you used to be because that is the guy that they were friends with. Thats the guy that they are comfortable with. Thats the guy they became friends with.

Theres no need to reframe here.


Friends come and go man. You hang with the old, and you become the old.

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I second this; this book changed my life.

There is no "reframe" in this dumb high school/college pal scenario.

You are the bull elk, the great white shark. You don't care what people think of you, you just do your fucking thing.

Read literature. Turn off the tv. Go on hikes. Lift weights. Fuck beautiful women. Evolve beyond it all. Rinse and repeat.

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Most of the people you were friends with aren't going to be friends with you if you start making changes to yourself. Most of my old "friends" hate me now. They think I'm mean, overly confident and a dick head... When in reality, I just refuse to be their bitch anymore. They don't like me sticking up for myself and telling them no. They say "You've changed man! You're an asshole!"

Your old friends like you because they can use you. Whatever that purpose you had with them was is probably gone now... Because you've changed. Maybe someone was just friends with you because they wanted to feel better about themselves... Now they are jealous of you. Now you're not friends anymore.

Shit happens man. Don't worry about trying to fit in with people. New friends or old friends. Do your own thing and force people to accept you the way you are. I've got a very "what you see is what you get" personality and people either love it or hate it. It's not easy dealing with the haters at first but I like it better this way because I can "be myself."

This is fantastic advice. I am going through this right now, in fact.

When old friends still have the ability to lower you and squeeze you down into some old frame or state it only reflects the fact that you haven't truly become who you are pretending to be.

When you want to grow in life you have to remove yourself from the people that are holding you back. You have to let go, and go out to become the new you and find the people who will aid you in that process. If you're afraid of old friends keeping you down, make it a hi and bye until you develop yourself into someone that won't allow that to happen.

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Need Coaching? For 1 on 1 Coaching via SPAM, Phone or Instant Messenger - Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com

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