Its turning worse and worse, its gotten to the point where she will read my texts and note even reply. If she goes out, and I ask if she is out, she replies, 'why does it matter'. I tell her I think that we should have a discsussion about whats best for us and maybe we should consider ending this, she replies 'shut the fuck up and use your brain, youre like a 5 year old who needs attention'.
'Grow the fuck up and get over yourself, Im not here to shower you with attention all the time, get over it', is what she says. We dont talk, we talk for maybe max 5 minutes a day now, and when we talk or if i call her she says 'why are you calling me'. I dont know why she is even dating me or why she doenst break up with me.
Who knows if there is another guy however last weekend I went through her phone, found nothing. Not one thing. All i see is her snap score going up and her not talking or texting me.

I go up this weekend to see her as there is an event and i bought a suit for it that she picked out. . .

Next week, depending on how this goes, I think im going to block her and delete my facebook of my phone, so she cant contact me and go silent.

I dnt know if there is any way to spark her interest, but she doesnt care anymore at all...

You're out of control.

Looking like she's going to dole out more abuse before she entirely stops responding to you. Hope it happens sooner than later for your sake.


You wont block her, you're not kidding anyone. THis wont end until she ends it.

Mods can we lock this thread already.

Nah n2, she likes this....Guy who she can talk to like that? No other man is gonna take that up to this point, and she would be unable to have a regular relationship with the avg guy. This will continue for a while imo, just 2 fucked up people who need each other.

I agree that it'll likely carry on for some time before it ends. Sadly he probably takes some comfort in having her around still regardless of how she treats him. He accepts it because his opinion of himself is so low and he's so desperate for some sort of an attachment, and ANY attachment will do.

This is still ongoing?

W
O
W.

_________________
Uncertainty is the root of all progress and all growth.

What I said in Dec:
Someone is gonna come in September with the same question

September? What year?

Sitting right next to her, would love it with the sarcastic replies would go away. Just said to her we need to talk because i dont like the way she talks to me. She said then 'break up with me'. I will try one more time in the car, if not, i will drive home, block her number for a week, and try and just focus on myself.

21 days to make a habit. Your week isn't shit.

_________________
mpuaforum.proboards.com

No you won't, you can kid yourself you cant kid us.

Even if you did manage to pry yourself away for a week as soon as she contacts you and says jump you'll ask how high.


You don't like the way she talks to you? Yet you reinforce that you're more than willing to take it by engaging with her and tolerating the way she talks to you. You have no respect yourself, you certainly wont get any from her. You're putting the nails in your own coffin, she's actually not doing anything, you're choosing to hold onto syphilis.

Not only that you're demanding she 'play nice', and then to withdrawal if you don't get your way. Sounds like a baby who pouts in hopes to get his rattle back from his taunting older brother.

I've worked with couples, and the situation you're in is as bad as they come, it's never a good result. The only good that will come from this is when it finally ends, which it will.


You may not take fondly to the sarcasm here, but really it's difficult to take you seriously when you groan and gripe about the situation yet show extreme resistance in changing things. Nobody here can help you. Added to that you're trying to change somebody you can't change; you can only change yourself but even there you're not willing to do the work necessary and instead you'll endure more pain. You can't expect people to feel sorry for you.

If you don't like the way a person is speaking to you, tell them, and if they still refuse to meet your need for respect then LEAVE, but not as a punishment, leave to have those needs met elsewhere, even better to give that need to yourself (self-respect).

Do you not get the irony of this whole situation? HOW DO YOU EXPECT RESPECT FROM A PERSON WHEN YOU HAVE NONE FOR YOURSELF?!?

How do I need to change, how, if this relationship was even going to get better, would it?

How is this one of the worst you have seen.

You have a chronic fear about not being loved. This is going to take some soul searching for you, in the mean time you could benefit from some professional help, maybe somebody trained in EFT and/or attachment theory could help shed some light on things for you and help you move forward.

I guess for a long time, I have only messaged in the hopes of things could be better between her and I. Deep down, I know that they won’t be, I know deep down this girl is not for me. I have to listen to that little voice in my head then.

Last night I drove up to see her after my soccer game, for two months we have been planning this ‘gala’ night at her school where I bought a suit and bow tie and so forth to be her date. When I arrived there, she was talking to me already abusively. ‘Why do you look like that, your hair looks like shit’, ‘do you not know how to fucking smile in a picture, actually fuck this I don’t even want to take a picture with you’, after not eating for 5 hours she gave me a cookie, ‘do you not know how to eat a fucking cookie, why does it take you so long’. Finally, we took pictures together, when we were alone, I would get shit on, ‘you should just fucking go home if you are going to ruin my night, just go’, ‘choose to fucking shut the fuck up for three hours and just not be a fucking train wreck’. We went to the event, where at the event, she would hold my hand, kiss me in public, walk around with me, always holding my hand, as if I was a show case doll to her. I met her friends, took pictures, I could see guys always starring at her, to be fair, she looked absolutely gorgeous, but she was with me, holding my hand, that’s what she wanted. I did a good job of when she pissed me off, letting go of her and just being by myself. When we got home, we were alone, and I said we need to talk, to which she said ‘shut the fuck up, no we don’t’. After a while of back and forth I said I don’t like the way you treat me, to which she said ‘then break up with me’. We went to sleep, after a point where I almost lashed out but controlled myself, and the next day we went to a café and both worked our assess of on school work. After the school work, I drove us back to her place, where I sat in the car and we spoke, she said to me, ‘shut the fuck up and listen, you need to demonstrate more trust, you need to stop being so fucking needy, you need to not be a fucking retard and ask dumb ass questions’. I then said youre right I have some things to improve on, but this relationship takes two, there are things you have to do. She replied ‘don’t you fucking dare put things on me, we are where we are right now, because of you’. I then said, oh yes, because the way you talk to me isn’t atrocious and you don’t think you should work on that?

I would like to know your thoughts up to this point, what you think this far. Please write what you think, then carry on reading, then send me. I want to analyze your opinions up to certain points, so I can learn what you would have done in moments, or whether I fucked up, or she was blatantly out of order.
After a while, we went upstairs to her room out of the car, we were alone, and I said to her, listen, can we have some alone time, we haven’t in a long time. She looked at me and said no im not going to have sex with you, I said, look, its important to me and a relationship and we don’t have it that often and you don’t ever initiate, give me a chance at least to try and get you in the mood, to which she told me ‘stop trying to guilt trip me into having sex’, I said you don’t ever want to have sex, last night we were alone you didn’t and today we were alone and you didn’t. I told her if you think im in the mood to have sex now, im not, to which she said, can you check my back for spots (we do that, don’t judge, just look and see and scratch the back), and I said no. She then jumped on me and started checking my face out, seeing if there were spots or whatever, and I said stop, she kept going, I said stop. When she was done, she said can you do my back, and I said fuck this no, I said stop you kept going I don’t want to do your back, after I did her face quickly because she asked me to and it took 2 minutes. She then looked at me and said, ‘leave, just fucking leave, go home’, I looked at her and said, are you serious? Youre going to tell me to leave after I said stop doing something and you kept doing it, and she replied, are you fucking serious when I say stop doing things, like jokingly grab my ass or whatever you keep doing it, so I said so if you do it when I say stop it makes it right? She then said, youre fucking pissed because you didn’t have sex and youre trying to make me feel guilty about it, just leave. I then said, im not mad about sex, ive accepted that, but I asked you to stop, and now youre telling me to leave, if I leave I promise you, you wont hear from me. Im giving you one chance to take it back, she looked at me, and said, ‘byeeeeee’. I picked my stuff up, said, I can promise you, you wont be hearing from me. I picked my bags, clothes, laptop, walked out the door.

I blocked her number, but I don’t know if that’s the right card to do or to play, I also blocked messages on facebook, but I took that back right now because I don’t want her to think I am going out of my way to do things because of her. Anyways, I did what I had to do. Right now I feel confident, but I know I will be very weak when I am bored, alone, whatever you name it, however, I cannot contact her, never, until she does to me, and even when she does, I cannot pick up.

I guess my questions are,
1) in these last two days, where did I fuck up?
2) What are my next steps to really let her think, oh fuck, is he serious, because she thinks im bluffing?
3) What can I do when I am alone, bored, in my own spare time.
4) Just give me a run down of this situation, and I know a lot of you thought I wouldn’t do this, but I did, now I have to stick to it.
5) Do you agree with what she said to me in the car, I am needy, I am insecure, its true, but is she right that this is all my fault

Over the next few days I will be posting what happens with me in the day, updates, I think it would be good to see what happens and how I can learn. I know this will be the toughest time of my life. I am scared, but I know I need to become a man.

I was gonna quote the other times where you have walked away, saying its over then gone back.

If I'm gonna punch you in your face, I don't even care whether you think I'm bluffing. I just punch you. My point with that example is, if you're serious about leaving her now, you wont care what she thinks about it. You're either subconsciously or consciously using this to get her to come back and be nicer to you. So youll block her on a few things, be sad for a few days, she'll reach out to you or youll just go back, she wont be any nicer just tell you to stop the bs and you'll be back together. Once you're worrying what she's thinking, you havent really ended things.

What you keep missing is YOU HAVE TO LEAVE THIS RELATIONSHIP. If a girl was getting hit by her dude, she can think about whether she provoked him somehow, AFTER she leaves him. She shouldnt be figuring out that shit during the relationship. It should end when he first hit her, as you should have ended when she first hit you or insulted you. THEN you figure out your life, SINGLE. Whether it is 10% your fault, 50% your fault or 100% your fault...you STILL END THE FUCKING RELATIONSHIP.

If you're honest with yourself, you know once she contacts you, you'll go back. Thats why Ive told you to accept the no sex, the harsh language and the hits, because if you're not going to leave, you're just adding more pain, then going back to abuse. If you worked at a job and they treated you like shit, I'd tell you to either or take it. The more you complain is just harder on you. You'll feel confident now, then cry, then question whether its you some more, message her on the fb you left open and boom, back together.

When you're really ready to leave, your questions will be focused on your future, dating again, therapy and working out, not what she thinks or what to do during the 2 days youll be bored. You sound like a beaten woman, who is one phone call away from getting back with her abuser.

I can't responsibly respond to these posts anymore as it only serves to enable your behavior.

You are looking for any justification to remain in the relationship so any 'insight' by members about the situation, short of encouraging you to leave will only contribute to more abuse.

You need help and by help I mean to get out of this toxic relationship, not to help you conjure up ideas on how to 'win' this person over and continue on with this corrosive, destructive path you're on.

I encourage all posters on this board to abstain from lending any insight into the situation unless it involves this guy helping himself by getting off the path he is currently on.