I've recently had a very succesful run for 2 weeks. I started at a new job and met a ton of people, we connected very well and things worked out. I became way more social, confident and actually managed to have fun with people, but sadly things have changed again. After 2 weeks i've lost my consistency, my co-workers are getting along very well together and i've reached the point where people don't initiate conversations with me anymore because i've became more of a loner, it just happend over time and it's always been the same shit.

The issues i have ran into are:

* I have a hard time cracking jokes, i'm good at laughing at them, but not at making them.
* People around me have no additional value for me, we are very different on a personal level.
* I hate facebook, i never use it. My co-workers are always posting and commenting on eachoher's wall.
* My verbal communication is garbage, i am very boring to listen too.
* Because i'm disconnecting from the group, i feel like my confidence is dropping and i have a harder time expressing myself. From not caring about failure, to not even bother taking risks.
* Rather then learning how to communicate, i'm falling into old habits (gaming) that are furthur pushing me into an anti social state.
* I keep losing my motivation from time to time, i can be absolutely beast at one point and garbage the next. The red flags started coming when people asked me why i was so quiet.
* Living an isolated life for nearly my entire life has made it very hard for me to come up with interesting stories to tell. How can i? I have never gone outside.

I feel like i can never fully connect to people, never being able to make people laugh, combined with being a boring fuck too listen to have made it so that people don't appreciate me. For good reason.

Are there any other introverts that have ran into similar problems, if so, how did you change your consistency? I absolutely despise it that at one point i'm great at everything, it drains my energy and i can never keep it up and distance myself on a social level from others. The raw energy i had towards becoming a better person (which helped me grow a lot) and actually investing in it are slowly wearing off.
A week ago i asked girls out like no tommorow, spoke to everyone in a good way, had a ton of friends and it all changed in a few days because i made a 90 degree turn again.

Your worst problems seem to be, in order of priority:

1. Your self image. You see yourself as boring and uninteresting, so you become it. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. Change your thought pattern!

2. Lack of self acceptance. Accept that you are an introvert and that you need alone time. It's normal, and it's in your biology, nothing you can change.

3. Bad conversationalist, nothing to say. I've lived a rather isolated life myself, but girls find what I have to say extremely interesting. That's because I've had time to learn lots of shit by reading and educating myself. Especially game. Girls love that shit since it's all about psychology. You can talk about game as long as you use normal words rather than nerdy PUA terms.

I also know EXACTLY what you mean when you say people turn their back to you when you don't make any effort. That's what it is. Just embrace it. I use it to my advantage, as I can turn people "on" or "off" like a light switch, depending on what result I want. All I need to do is to make some effort and socialize, showing interest.

Being alone is nice. Attracting people all the time can be exhausting, since people only pay attention to you as long as you GIVE something. Sometimes they give something back, and you are in a symbiosis. Other are leeches.

Being alone too long can be bad. So push yourself from time to time and choose a few people of your liking and give them some attention to gain some momentum.

I don't worry too much about losing momentum or game, because I know I can get it all back in a matter of days or weeks. So chill. Take it easy.

You're trying to "harvest" confidence from outside in. That's not how it works. True confidence comes from inside out.

And why the hell do you "hate" facebook? That's like the hermit saying he hates society but then complains he's alone.

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WTF you're exactly like me. It's like I wrote this post. I also hate facebook. some asshole made a stupid site and made billions? are you kidding me?

your initial paragraphs reminded me of back when I was in high school. I loved the first week of the school year because nobody knew nobody and everybody was getting to know each other. First week I would be thinking "this year it's gonna be different." but then a week later everybody had found and moved into their own groups and I would be the same loner I always was.

I agree with the other posters. Your problem is that your confidence comes from how other people react to you. You tell a joke. If everybody laughs, you think "I am awesome." If nobody laughs, you think "I am a failure"

your problem is way too complex to analyze on an online forum. by "complex" I dont mean it's difficult, I mean there are far too many variable playing here.

It would be nice if you could find a group of guys to hang out with....not losers, guys that you want to be like. By association, you will become like them. but you have to also give something in return, nobody's gonna give you a free ride. Maybe offer to buy them dinner or something. I am still looking an arrangement like this. Also, dress better. go out and spend $1000 and get some nice outfits, it will make you feel better and it will make other people react differently to you. Start practicing conversations with strangers. When you get on the elevator, say "Hi. those are nice shoes. are they comfortable" to both men and women. just have small chats with people. But remember you have no control over how people react to you. some people might say "thanks, yes, very comfortable." some people may say "fuck off" whatever. you have no control over that.

also, keep in mind your workplace is not the place to socialize and make friends. I have been called "the quiet guy" so many times. Every time I hear that, I say in my head "I am not here to make friends, I am here to make money"

no no no

His problem isn't complex. It starts with belief as someone said. If you think a certain way, you will do things to let others see what your thinking. It's a negative feedback cycle/self fulfilling prophecy - but it's just changing thought patterns. Every day I tell myself I'm rich, can make as much money as I want to, can go do anything I want, and can talk to anyone I want. The opposite of what he is doing (telling himself he is antisocial, etc).

And you said what he needs right after. It's just more social interaction & experiences doing things. Playing the same game day in and out doesn't make you grow in any meaningful way. It's lazy and easy way to pass time. Not having a life outside of work is the way a lot of people live. You must balance everything in life, work, games, social time, entertainment, whatever. The only way to get better at what you want is going out and being social or doing things you've never done before which you will likely meet new people. If you did that every day, you'd forget about the silly things you're doing wrong.

And Mark Zuckerberg is not an idiot, he stole ideas from other smart people and did it the better. It's what all great inventors/businessmen do.

What's the actual work environment like? I left my previous job when it got too crowded and noisy and I now work in a room with one other guy who only really talks if I talk to him. I interact (both socially and professionally) with colleagues but I'm rarely pushed to. Most of the time I don't have to interact and so when I have to, or feel like it, I can find the energy.

Previous jobs where I've worked in noisy crowded environments have generally left me feeling weary and irritable, made it harder for me to want to do anything in the evenings. In my current job I told my interviewer at the outset that I was an introvert and wanted a quiet environment, and I got it. I can say from experience that when you own it and figure out where you comfort zone is, things get a lot better. Don't try and match the extroverts' level of sociability. You can't, and trying will just leave you demoralised. If people comment on you being quiet, just say "yeah I can be a quiet guy sometimes, that's my nature", or whatever is true for you.

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Pbblade3 great post,

Quick question, have you 1) some people who watch tv you see on a daily basis and 2) a list of shows that are current that you find funny?

If your as cool as your are at asking for help you got both, then just act your friends to watch (youtube clips, and slowly work your way into having the people watch the full episodes on tv) and from calibrating what people laugh at, you'll find how to be funnier (comedian's tip)

I super disagree with this idea. I was extremely introverted until post college, and a lot of people here were. I think most of the known PUA were too. That's one of the big reasons we end up in this community. There was a point I couldn't really hold a good conversation with people, wouldn't respond appropriately and would stutter when I talked. Bad, bad, bad...

After 6 yrs of working with people and trouble recalling how many women I've done sexual things with... I can get almost anyone to laugh, can talk about almost anything (even things I personally don't enjoy much), and can reason, out-think and explain circles around most people 2 x my age. Yes this is me me me, but I used to be in the same place.

Accepting and saying you are just not good with people is very narrow minded, a self-defeating attitude, unhealthy, and you shielding yourself further from something that you haven't even tried and will push you outside your comfort zone is not a good thing IMO. It's in human nature to have social interaction. There is research that says being social is a human need.

Okay. Perhaps my communication skills could have been better on that one. What I was meaning to focus on is the fact that I, and I presume the OP, will never feel the desire to spend as much time around others as some extroverted people. You can definitely improve your social skills and become good with people, which is obviously what the OP needs to hear (and is completely true). But if you're an introvert you will always be drawn to time alone, a lot more than an extroverted person. There is improving your social skills and manning up and a whole bunch of stuff you can do to improve your situation. But just don't feel bad if you don't want to be constantly going to parties (or indeed spending 40 hours a week in an open plan office).

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so what kind of job should someone in op's situation get to "work with people"?
like retail, helping people pick out clothes? coffee shop clerk? working the cash register at the 99 cent store?

No Aerospace Physicist Sir Bartm; there are only 2 options. Stripping and trash collector.

I can actually relate to this, people are kinda leechey in one way or another, they like people that bring something to the table. You need to go out and try different things, so you've actually got shit to talk about in common with people. That being said, don't do shit you don't enjoy. The most popular people i know, are the ones that are never at home, always mixing, traveling and meeting new people with different hobbies. You'd be surprised how weirdly people will randomly connect even by doing different hobbies.

When it comes to my own self image, i do realise that i'm introverted. I even said so at the start of my job that i am. Thing is that despite that, i was putting a ton of effort in socialising thus making people forget i'm actually an introvert (or so it seems). If i could just slightly change the way i talk verbally, i'd probably keep or make a few more friends, i am really unstructured and boring to listen too, it's a plain fact. I am slowly changing my mindset again, i have figured out that the reason i am becoming more isolated again is because my colleagues are not the type of people i like to hang out with, it's nothing about me being anti-social, we just differ so much when it comes to life goals and interests.

I'm meeting a couple of different people now who are also introverted at my work, some who i connect with really well. We are planning to meet this weekend.

The thing that bothered me most is that before my mindset changed, i really didn't care for what result i got. I work at a callcenter and there's a ton of absolutely gorgeous girls who'd i just hit up and ask out. (meeting one on tuesday). But i'm back at square one where i DO care if i fail and that's bad.

I use it purely to arrange meetings, nothing more. Reason i dislike facebook is because of people posting absolute bullshit every day, snapchatters who are spamming pictures every minutes. I dunno, it just doesn't appeal to me to get involved with this random crap.

There is a huge group i hang out with and actually feel great with. We know eachother for a while now and i'm bringing more people in who i've met at work. I'm actually gonna try out what you mentioned in your reply, i'll talk more to random people. I had a quality control check at work 2 days ago and was nervous as fuck, they came and listen to my calls for 2 hours straight while i was new. The woman sitting next to me was being very professional and didn't say much, after a few calls she said she was happy with the result and we actually talked on a very personal level for an hour which boosted my energy again to the same level as it was when i first started.

I really don't know what it is with me, i'm complex in a way that i filter people very easily. I'm not the type of person that likes to party 24/7 but someone who loves to travel a lot. If i meet people who aren't interested in doing so, i filter. It's a bad habit, i know everyone is different but something in me wonders why i need to connect with people who i differ with on so many levels.

It's hard going out with people that i wanna be, if those people never ask me out because i'm boring. Do you understand what i mean?