I'm a fool.

Really I am.

I can't fathom why I haven't investigated this sooner. I read 'The Game' over a year ago and thought it a fun little number and whilst I used a few lines from it, never picked my balls up and did anything substantial.

Anyway, here goes nothing right?

First question I have on this lovely new journey doesn't necessarily come under any of the categories in the forum so I'll post it here.

Why do people, girls and guys alike, try and put you down?

I'm not arrogant but, except with girls, I'm definitely a confident person. I was in the army for 4 years and currently applying to Drama school (through to the final stages of a few top institutions) so I have no problem in public spheres although I'm definitely aware of insecurities when with people that lead to me 'trying to impress' and 'maintaining interest'. Often to little avail. (Having said that I seem to be able to marvel people whilst on stage so I'm quite baffled).

But like I said, people seem to use me to gain social value. Like I'm an easy target.

1) I don't know why. I'm an above average- good looking guy.

2) I don't know what to do about it, I mean it just gets tiring and annoying having to throw away shit test after shit test and I have a natural tendency to get a little confrontational which does nothing for gaining social proof.

Was wondering your thoughts lads?

When I step into a set---in any environment: work, play, shopping---the first thing I do is try to get a feel for the social dynamics within the set.

Who's standing straight and leaning back with a smug, confident smile on their face? He's the AMOG.

Who's hunched, shoulders drooping, eyes downcast, fidgeting, apologizing for taking up what little space he has in the set? He's the Omega.

There are many ways to raise your status within the groups you are in, but it all starts from within. If you know you are a high value male, you know what you can do and you are confident about who you are, and most importantly you are comfortable with yourself, the people you are talking to will feel the same way. You don't have to go out of your way to display your value, humans are hierarchal animals by nature and instinctively know their places within their social circles.

So there must be something you are doing, saying, or displaying in your body language that makes you such a tempting target. Find out what it is, ask you friends about it, then work at it. It's that simple...but it's not easy.

_________________
afc-challenge-to-the-masters-social-anx ... 10108.html

I agree with roads.
Its all about gaging who the AMOG is.
There must be some "vibe" you give off that makes other guys pick you out as a target.
Remember you have to give respect to get respect that is true no matter who you are.

_________________
"People want what they can't have"

You're right, I'm sure. Will chat to my mates about it and see what they have to say.

Think maybe that because I'm naturally quite a cocky and cheeky kinda guy people take that as 'the way' to relate to me. So everything is about banter and playfullness, which understandably gets boring for both parties eventually, loses its funniness and just turns into taking the piss out of each other.

I find that people are generally defensive from the start and you need to show them that you're not bearing knives in order to gain their trust and have them not make attacks out of "self defense". We are so used to getting beat down by the world, all the time, that we expect other people to want to kick us while we're down, so we automatically try to hit them first and gain the advantage. Can you remember a time when you have made a pre-emptive strike on someone, just cause you thought they were gonna say something bad about you first?

By showing people that you're just a friendly person, smiling, being agreeable and using a bit of self depricating humor, to demonstrate that you aren't trying to look better than them, they are willing to trust that you are just a nice person and won't want to attack you, because you make them feel good. You make them feel good, about you, about themselves, then they will want you around.

A guy who was living with me for a while has this ability to make everyone like him and him AND his friends, sat there and told me that he had spent about 10 grand at an internet cafe, on time for playing video games. Now, that's not very impressive at all, until the friends who he borrowed money from for much of that, tell you with a big smile on their faces, "Yeah, only about 2-3 grand of that was his, the rest was from friends!" BIG FUCKING SMILES.

How'd he achieve this? How did he make it so that no one would kick him to the curb, even though he stole from them and never owned up to it, or paid them back? How did he make it so that he was always the guy that people would come to, that people would talk to and say all sorts of stuff that they normally wouldn't, because they were too defensive? How did he make it so that those people trusted him SO much, that he was never hit, or made fun of like all the rest of the guys?

By showing people that he's just a friendly person, smiling, being agreeable and using a bit of self depricating humor, to demonstrate that he isn't trying to look better than anyone. Now, he took the not looking better than others to the far extreme, by being such a douche about it, but you can learn from him that showing people you don't want to cause them harm, will make them trust you, even if they suspect otherwise, if they can't prove it and you continue to act congruent, they will trust you.

Show them that you're just a friendly fun guy and soon they stop attacking you and try to help you, then they're offering you their female friends on a silver platter and you've slipped in under the radar, without any AMOGing confrontation.

_________________
"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

LOL
whatefack!

_________________
Failure was never an option


Because girls don't like sex.. Yeah RIGHT!
Why else do you think girls have P*ssies