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At this point OP,
The best thing to do would be to call her up and put the relationship on hold for now. Let her know that her recent decision making has caused you to question whether or not she's ready for a relationship and so you're not interested in remaining with her at this moment. She'll beg, she'll explain, she'll guilt you, but you just stay strong and stand by what you said.
This is the only thing that can save you at this point. You do this and you'll will preserve ALL of your dignity and will be in the proper state of mind to attract someone of a higher quality very shortly.
Now of course you're not going to take this advice; its advice for the strong. Advice for the people who can live with "not knowing what could've been", the people with high enough confidence in themselves that they don't have to turn every stone before making a decision.
You're currently not level headed or emotionally stable, and you're getting advice from people who have success with women who are also emotionally stable. You'd be better off taking their advice over your own at this point. You're far too clouded to see whats best for you.
Call her up and call it quits a large portion of her respect for you will return. Her respect for you is only going to plummet if you continue to put up with this and continue chasing her despite her foolish and irrational decisions.
A few things, and I'm not disagreeing that him taking a stand isn't a 'bad' idea.
1) Nobody can make you feel a certain way, their behavior can only serve as a stimulus. This isn't semantics, rather its about him taking accountability for the decisions he makes. If he's pitting his feelings as being the cause of the other person's actions, that's just a recipe for a fight. He can maintain his dignity without pitting it all on her, so long as he's specific about why he's doing what he's doing (his needs).
Why specific? So she's 1) aware of why he's doing it so there's no vagueness or ambiguity about it, and 2) so she knows what his need is should she decide to contact him to reconcile
2) " her foolish and irrational decisions" is a judgment and evaluation of what she's doing. We aren't in her head. She has her reasons, she's just not being forthcoming about them (probably due to feeling a lack of safety with the Op), and this is what this has always been about, poor communication.
The thing about poor communication is that its perpetuated when we confuse the other person as being the cause/root of our behavior. If another person's behavior was both stimuli and CAUSE for the way we feel, then everyone would react the same way to the same stimulus. This disproves that anyone can be responsible for our feelings - rather, that it is our interpretation of what they're doing to us that causes us to feel a certain way. In other words, our THINKING causes our FEELINGS.
This is important if he wants to have any meaningful conversation with her about needs. Blaming (e.g. "You MADE me feel this way!" is a destructive form of communication which doesn't lend well to connection and getting to the heart of the matter).
CHAT
