Tinder match has been chatting for few weeks now, difficult to meet up due to her having children.
anyways a date has been set for this friday and talk has basically escalated this to a sex meet.

she is quite persistant in her texting and msgs every day.. pretty much all day
i am wary about getting caught in oneitis and do feel getting sucked in slightly.. but shes hot and makes me laugh.
managed to meet her briefly for a coffee.. (prior to this havent met her at all)
feel it was positive and convo followed in a similar vein to msgs.. lots of laughing, jokes and talk of sex
left on a kiss close
and all was well i thought

later that evening.. following usual type chat.. she begins to feel ill, suggesting something she ate.
next day msgs to say really ill. but elaborating to the point it feels like a full on lie

i say "aw no.. hope you get better... its not serious.. take pain killers.. etc etc"
and leave on a, "will leave you be to feel better " then not message back


yes i know right now im analysing and she hasnt officially flaked but i feel the inevitable
do I ?
- wait for her to initiate contact from now?
- consider the prearranging/preplanning has caused anxiety/pressure on her?.. do i address this saying "dont worry about friday.. it can be a relaxing drink, no pressure" so calling out on her bullshit but not aggressively confronting?
- believe illness but potentially be taken as a chump when get stood up?
-could this just be a precaution to flake if needed?

I don't think you're entirely overanalyzing, but I would definitely back off and let her initiate contact again.

It could be a flake, but at the same time she could be sick.

What makes me think she may actually be sick is how she elaborated so much on how sick she was. It sounds like she was excited to meet, and doesn't want you to think she's flaking.

Or maybe she's having a problem with her period? You just never know.

I wouldn't assume the worst just yet. Just calm down, talk to some other girls, let her initiate contact again.

You've already met her once, as well, that will make her more comfortable for a sex meet.

Don't fret, yet.

Bro... First of all, how on earth are you getting units about a girl that you haven't even met you? Do you have ANY STANDARDS that a girl must be before you just open up your heart? I know when a girl shows you attention you body will begin to produce dopamine which makes you addicted to the attention you are getting, but this is something yo have to become aware of and become better than. You have to look through the childish emotions that are stemming from a place of fantasy. You don't even know what this girl truly looks like yet. You haven't touched her, felt her, smelled her, seen her, etc. etc.

What guys have to understand is that the texting/calling is the shit that WOMEN LOVE. They get something when a guy is giving them their time and attention. It validates them. This is one of the reasons women keep a bunch of orbiters. Guys that they just text when they're bored for attention. Guys we don't do that. We reach out a bunch of girls that we're trying to sleep with or get out, not a bunch of girls that we're just trying to text for absolutely no reason. We're validated by action (getting laid, touched, etc. etc.) more so than words.

So I say this to say, that if you're spending too much time texting a girl before meeting she doesn't have to meet you because (unless required by your frame) you're already giving her want she wants. Your time, attention, energy, and validation .I wrote an article about this on my site called " Men vs Women: What We Both Want" go check that out.

Now to answer your question; Why would you want to go out with a girl that faked sick and is about to lie to you just so she doesn't have to go out with you? is this really what you want to do? You have to put more value on your time so other people can. If people can walk into your life and waste your time and you still want to engage with them that doesn't speak very highly of you. And you're not turning yourself into someone who's worthy of respect.

Read this here: pua-lounge/topic190620.html

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so update:
after ignoring her all day yest, she calls this morning.. quite chirpy and "feeling better than yesterday"
general chit chat.. (feel bit laboured.. possibly my doing with suspicions shes putting on illness)
but then she drops the friend bomb on me.. says shes felt like shes found a new best friend in me :s

so would still like to do friday date n have a laugh with me but in a platonic capacity etc.
i play it off as ok no problem.. yeah sounds good.. but tell her its shit.. so friends with benefits?..

whole situation has thrown me.. trying to get back into confident jokey mindset which was working on the text game.
- do i cancel date.. dont need more friends.. (this seems bitter and petulant.. doesnt really exude cool n confident)
- keep on course for date.. and see as another chance? could this be her ASD? and means to go ahead with date without pressure?
but will i seem like a walk over accepting a "friends" or sympathy date..

That. Every guy gets friend zoned for that same reason.

Not to mention, I know you didn't think you get oneitis for a girl you've never met and wouldn't get friend zoned. She has to respect you for her to be attracted to you. So if you're already wrapped up in her when you haven't met her she'll see you as one of her girlfriends. Because she's more emotional as a woman, and you're being emotional right along with her... like a woman. Friends is all it could ever be,

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Dude, if I were you, I would show up 10 minutes late for your date.

She hasn't friend zoned you yet, I think it was a subtle shit test, possibly, but I don't know I haven't seen your texts so I don't know the vibe.

Show up 10 minutes late. Convey little interest. Friend zone her right back and amplify it. Call her Buddy, dude, bruh, pal, anything to make her seem like a friend only type situation. Maybe (maybe!) comment on another girl walking by, say she's attractive (not "hot"), and point out why she's attractive.

You can still get this one.

And listen to everything Eddie has said. Don't get oneitis for this chick. She's just a girl you don't have a relationship with. She's a texting buddy. You should have lots of those.

For the date, convince yourself that you don't need this chick because you already have a girl coming over later to fuck. All of my best dates are when I have another girl lined up for that night. So now when I don't have a girl coming over, and I'm on a date, I just convince myself that I've already got pussy lined up, so I don't need this chick. It's a good way to psyche yourself out for some really good inner game, at least for me anyway.

Text more girls!

i had considered a shit test..
obv with kids she might need to be more selective and not want someone thats just after sex.. if we kind of built up it was a sex meet.. she might have had regrets about that?

i feel its worth a shot at trying to turn it around, no harm. theres been fair bit of effort put in
but definitely need to get in the "couldnt give a fuck mind set".
I get what eddie says.. when i do have a lass or having a greater than usual success rate I find I have a lot more girls hanging about me.
and vice versa when i hit a dry patch.. its fucking dry

I am texting multiple girls, have a couple go to's for sex but had put this one girl on a pedestal a bit..
the illness saga and rationalising it here has taken the shine off her now. so I feel in a better mental state too.

will play it pally on friday and see how it goes..
thanks for advice

I wouldn't matter if you had texted a million other girl.. None of them will account for the one girl that you actually like.

How many girls are you texting, sleeping with, and going out with that you genuinely like? If the answer is one than all of the other girls are irrelevant and thats the problem.

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no thats a fair point..
but then thats looking at a bigger picture of things

if i was with a girl i genuinely did like, I doubt I would be wasting resources on pursuing other girls..
I appreciate your thread about should be keeping a high volume of girls in your life and read your piece on guys having a cheat day.. interesting stuff

whilst i do feel I have a few females in my life.. texting, sleeping with and general socialising
I wouldnt say I genuinely liked them to start a relationship with

I wouldnt write this off as irrelevant though.. feel the interaction is good practice and good distraction to not become too focused on a girl im pursuing.. unfortunately didnt work too well in this case.

as a remedy to this "problem" are you suggesting pursuing multiple girls "i like"

This should answer your question: pua-lounge/you-met-someone-special-vt194307.html

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further update:

so sensing further reluctance today when arranging tonight..
shes saying she only wants to go out for a couple and cant get ruined.. (prior talk was going to be a wild night)

ive said thats fine as i have a sporting fixture arranged for the next day so cant get hammered myself
but her reasoning is she has a girls night the next day.. (i light heartedly said wtf.. what would have been a better response? she had called me and i was on the spot, but other than telling her to fuck off what would have been a less compliant comback)

she lives on the other side of town and going out round there.. she was asking how I was getting home. obv I had in my head i wanted the night to end at hers.
but i have genuinely planned to meet with friends to continue the night (as feel this wasnt going to work out)
her attitude has changed since i mentioned was meeting friends

overall i know i fucked this.. there was attraction there but its my doing that im in friends zone. i know this is potentially only a sympathy date
but im hoping to use this as some sort of practice/experience

ive obviously played the nice guy too much.. should i continue this until actually meeting or will this only reinforce that image of me. I wanted to transition this image of me whilst out with her.. can this be done without being too obvious
is it futile to try and turn this situation around? in my head i was going to give this another crack whilst out, taking on horologist suggestions

or should i just retain her as a text buddy or fuck her off?

have told her i need to run some errands and would pick her up enroute.. i need to take some hockey skates to be sharpened.
considered a quick skate with her.. if shes falling about theres chance to kino.. plus can venue change and keep it mixed up..
is this a cheesy idea or should i just stick to bars

The way you feel when say this is exactly how Cinderella must have felt at midnight. Like OMG I got to touch a princess!

Hoping she falls so you can touch her? Serious?

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

:s i was more referring as an easy way for kino escalation.. didnt think it sounded so cinderalla'esque???

in any case we hit bars and things went well and at an opportunity to move for a kiss.. there was some slight hesitation but she pretty much dragged me to hers.
she did make a caveat that this was one off and we should remain friends

the next day she reaffirmed this
although later that night.. on the "girls" night she had planned i started getting calls to come out to town.
i couldnt be bothered and after several excuses she began pleading..

once out she left her friends to go drinking with me and again ended back at hers.. again it was a one off and she only sees me as a friend.

im pretty confused as to her mindset..
i have offered her a fuck buddies option but she is stating that it should be strictly platonic..
should i believe this? considering..
if it did come down to friends with the occasional sex thrown in dont think this would bother me too much nor without she's fun to be round either way.

-is this her way of keeping it all a challenge?
-is she really just wanting to be friends?
-is she keeping her options open and doesnt see me as dating material?
thoughts?

Or just stop over thinking everything and go fuck her when she calls. Keep rolling with the shit that works. Not the shit that doesn't.


You act aloof and she drags you kicking and screaming, to rub your dick raw. Then you get all clingy and she give you the LJBF's line.

See a pattern?

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

You way over-invested with this particular girl. Meet more women so you do not feel a desire to invest as much with the next ones you meet. She frienzoned either because of the over investment or because maybe you said ONE thing in all the texting back & forth that caused her to disqualify you.

As far as this woman, should have cancelled the meeting. Don't worry, just take this as a learning experience for the next opportunities with other people. On a cancellation, she probably would have chased to some degree. Then I would have suggested to play it aloof until she starts flirting or whatever. Then and only then, I would have suggested have her come to your side of town for drinks on your schedule, not the reverse.
No.
Yes.
Move on. Women want a degree of mystery. Provide that to the next girls.