Hello all you amazing people. I've had a big realization and need to share it with you. I really need some wisdom guys, I want to crush this once and for all.

I'm a performer, I'm on stage quite a lot. So I have to be in people's view. To get to the point, I feel I can't live with myself or be at peace because of the way I look. I'm a normal person, a handsome guy but I have insecurities. I'm a bit* overweight and I'm short so I put lifts in my shoes which can make them look a bit odd at times. It's serious guys, I can't sleep at night sometime because I'm in constant disappointment and uncomfortable.

I don't game much do I don't have women in my life, I feel they'll reject me because of my image.

I just don't feel comfortable being myself.

There are things in your control and things that are not. Weight is in your control and height isn't(well, you can wear lifts). I know guys that are short and have women in their life. However, your weight is something you have control over and sometimes I wonder if people who complain about their weight don't do anything about it because they'd rather keep their excuse in place so they can justify not trying. Why are you overweight?

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Thanks for your reply Jack.
I'm 174-180 at 5'4. I used to be 270lbs. I lost it all with hard work and eating right. I gained some back because I had to go on strong medication from an illness I've been battling. I also found out I have a Vitamin D deficiency. So I'd be working out 2x per day sometime including boxing and would not see a pound drop. I got off medication, important ones - just dealt with the pain, and got my Vitamin D levels up. And now I'm starting again.

To add more to the inner game. I feel I have no power, unimportant, weak. In my heart/mind, I think girls see me as a joke. I'm under tons of stress because of my position in my group. It's a deep inner feeling I really want to fix.

So the weight is more due to medication at this point and that's a valid reason. However, at your height and weight...you can overcome a lot of your problem by wearing the right clothing. Easy fix

The hard one is that you have to get it out of your head that you're not good enough. I'm sure if you sat down with your friends, they'd enjoy your company. A woman will enjoy your company too and your only job would be to make her see you as a sexual option. That can be done as long as you don't accept the friendship option.

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I mean, I really gotta do something about this man. It's one thing to say or to know to fix it but implementation us another thing. I've become so depressed. There has to be a way to get rid of this in fix it. I'm just being open and honest - I have nothing to hide and I decided to open up about it. I feel really sick man, that I can't be satisfied with myself.

Example: Last night, I was performing and a member of our group got a lot of attention from girls. He's really fit, works out, etc awesome friend. And I felt terrible cause like no girls liked me. I thought of even becoming bulimic... not just to lose the weight, but it's probably rooted in I must cause pain to the self.

You have two options. One is psychological work and the other is medication. A mixture of both can work wonders. I take medication and it has greatly helped me. Other than that you can most certainly get this under control. To be honest I have seen many guys that are overweight and still get women. That isn't really an issue here. Women look at personality much more than weight. Any PUA will tell you that. In the end if you don't want medication then just stick to psychological work and if that doesn't fully take care of your problem then please try some medication. Even just over the counter OTC sleeping medicine can help, if your having trouble sleeping. Other than that you got to start thinking positive. If you got negative people in your life get them out and start hanging around positive people. Good luck.

So you're feeling frustrated and sad that your needs for acceptance and connection aren't being met.

That you'd like to have greater self-acceptance so you'd feel at-ease with talking to more women like your friend.

I get the struggle. The problem is that YOU know the problem and it's your belief system that is stopping you. There is no "do this, then do this, then do this" to fix it if your belief system is the thing that limits you. Your believe that you are an attractive guy, but you keep telling yourself that you're not good enough by focusing on the things that are outside of your control.

Look...some guys have it easy and girls are drawn to them. That's just life. If you're not one of those guys, you have to be proactive and go get the girls. The thing is that you have to get that bad thinking out of your mind. I don't know you and I'm not sure that the root of your issue stems from being 270 pounds in your past. I do know wherever that stems from needs to be changed. If it's keeping you from approaching or stops you from approaching after a rejection, it needs to be corrected. You aren't going to find that kind of answer from a forum like this.

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David, I tried medication, it helped but that's what made me gain the weight to begin with and it just had bad affects on the body.
I've tried "professional help" it has its benefits but the people I've seen were not that intelligent.

N2, Not necessarily. It's more about accepting myself than have other people accept me - I can't control the opinions of other. Thank you for you comment man.

Jack, Man, I've tried a lot... I'll put it that way. If I go in detail, it wouldn't do much. However, yeah, ok, my belief system is bad. I've tried so many things, I just don't know what to do. That sounds very grim and like I'm complaining (which I'm not) but I'm just being Frank. I don't have a problem opening up I just don't want to be mistaken for someone that will talk about their problems and not do anything. I've worked out 2x per day and did boxing for a month straight and didn't drop a pound - before. My vitamin D levels were low then and their currently better now so things should change.

It's human nature Jack. At a certain point of feeling pain, again and again. Someone is going to say, Stop! That's what I'm doing. It does seem like my self-esteem is rooted in my image and weight. I know I can focus on DOING more. Like getting a girl in my life. I'm not as bad as you think but it's out of control at this point. I'm a good person Jack, I'm always there for people, people depend on me, I'm just hoping to have that love I put out returned to me.

P.S. Don't think I'm taking your comments for granted. I am deeply considering it all as wisdom and appreciate it.

I've never made a judgement on who you are nor your character. I'm commenting on your belief system and you've agreed with that. So the question remains, since others have made an offer, what are you going to do about it?

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....That you'd like to have greater self-acceptance so you'd feel at-ease with talking to more women like your friend.