Sometimes I feel like im in so deep i cant end it. If i do, ill be worse for a long time. We all know it. Sometimes I feel like its better to just not wake up sometimes. Everyday Im sad. Everyday.

Having her around is choosing to stay cut-off from yourself.

It's as though you can't stand to be present in your own life, so having her in it, even with all the drama, is enough of a diversion for you. It keeps you from being present in your own life (and working on yourself), much like the addict who continues using because the fear of becoming 'awake' is far too painful to experience.

So sad to hear your story, wow.

Buddy - you have to take care of yourself. You deserve so much better. No man should be throu that.

You know how to game as you mentioned.

I just went from a horrible breakup as well, went to online dating and it made feel excited once again in a record time. You can hit on lots of girls and have this emotional replacement and start on fresh(this is so effective but nobody mentions this), instead of sitting on a bar with drained energy and doing drunk calls.

Shes saying the only way her and I will talk is if I apologize to her. That I called her rude names after she yelled at me, that I called her spoiled and her parents would be disgusted. She says she will never talk to me again and break up with me if it happens again.

She is so good at turning things. She says she didnt call me a fucking retard. But I know she did. I know she fucking did.

Its like shes making me feel like im going pyscho, like insane. HOW IS SHE FUCKING TURNING THIS THAT NOW SHE IS WANTING TO BREAK UP WITH ME WHEN IM GETTING FUCKING BULLIED.

I swear, i mean this, it makes me want to fucking get in my car at night and just drive as fucking fast as I can without even giving a shit if anyone hits me.

That her fucking last words to me shell realize the snake she is.

What you trying to achieve? What is your goal?

There is NOTHING that can repair this. You need to face it and let go.

Sorry to say, but you are just wrong as she is. She gets high on controlling you. She will replace you when she had her fun(obviously, she won't end it yet, perhabs she is immature). You get the feeling of getting bullied, yet you are still around and having a kick from this chaos. Stop wasting her and your time, be the man and take the decision(someone must do it, even if you both are childish).

You are messing your life up. Just move on. It takes you only few months and you are new again.

WHY DO YOU EVEN WANT TO BE WITH THIS PERSON?

YOU CAN END IT

YOU CAN DO IT.

You CAN do it, and the whole world won't fall apart. You're too afraid to do it. Stand the fuck up and stop running! You will HAVE to make this decision, and the longer you drag it on and whine and complain the worse YOU will feel about it. YOU have the power but you are so afraid to exercise your power and your strength that you're hurting yourself.

FUCKING DO IT!

Stop making excuses. END IT. Before you go to sleep, tell her that things aren't working out, you have some issues, and that for your personal sake you need to end it.

Stop making excuses. DO IT.

do not make excuses, make some solutions Only way to save your ass to end this relationship. I promise u ll fell tousand times better when u get over this in months.

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Carpe Diem, Dolce Vita...

Psychal power comes through Mental strenght.

Its been a long week, and Im struggling, to the point where I faked being sick to skip training because I feel like at any second I am about to throw up.

Her and I havent spoken since the event I told you about. Until she finally messaged me about watching a tv show together at the same time on her computers. I couldnt believe she ignored everything I sent to her and just said 'want to watch a tv show'. I called her and explained to her that this isnt a joke and I can no longer be in this, that if she hangs up I am done, and that we need to talk.

She hung up on me, I sent:

then i have your answer
Thats the last time I call, I tried to figure this out with you, that us trying to solve whatever left of this is, is more important than suits.
I wish you best of luck in everything and your track meet this weekend, and I will remember the good times. You have made it very clear to me what you want here.

She called me back 1 hour later, we spoke for 30 minutes, where she said that she no longer can trust me because of my actions and i make the shittest decisions in the world, that I am a child. I recorded the conversation and listened to it over and over again. How can she say she no longer trusts me, and that she further more said I have no trust in her. I then said whats the point in this relationship then, and she said if thats how you value our relationship thats fine. I said no, we need to talk, a relationship is about communicating, and she said thats not how it works, i should have my time. She then said that I need to figure it out, why she cant trust me, and that its not okay I say those things about her, how rude she is, how she is the rudest person I know and her parents should be disgusted. After she hung up on me, I wrote this message (kind of regret it now):

You apparently no longer trust me, nor have trust in me; I apparently make the “shittiest decisions in the world”, are “unreliable”, a “child”, “too emotional” and whatever else you have expressed towards me lately. You think that I think you are the worst person in the world, after when I get called names constantly, that yes, I have reacted to those name calling or certain other tense situations in a poor manner with certain name calling myself, I am not proud of this, but even after when I have expressed to you that I do not think this opinion you have now cemented in your head I apparently think of you (which in fact yes you can be rude to me, extremely rude that it does sometimes bring a certain side out of me) that I need you to know it’s not true. I once spoke to you about a future, the girl I see myself with, the millions of positive things I love about you and I don’t want those to become overshadowed by petty words that I regret. We have spoken in the last four months about me, my actions, what I can do, what I should do, that it is obvious that in this relationship of two it seems only one side needs to change and improve from your perspective here. I have not heard one thing from your side about how you treat me and what you can do better. I don’t want to fix you, I don’t want to change you, and I fell for the girl that you are. I just want the best for you, and for you and I in the long run and to be kind, genuine and constructive in our talks. I made myself extremely vulnerable this past week in what I have said to you, and with the reaction or lack of reaction I got this is now all weighing down on me. To acknowledge everything you have said, I don’t want you to be with someone you now have this opinion of, whom you now apparently no longer trust, that you now no longer want to talk to in the near future. This is not me being “emotional”, I am trying to process everything you have just said; your actions and words have been understood loud and clear. I hear everything you say, I do believe I have tried my hardest this past week to somehow improve our situation and it has come across poorly and it has gotten me nowhere except apparently made things worse between us. The truth is that I don’t think you are a terrible person, in fact the opposite. I know you just want me to grow up, be mature, and take responsibility, you are right, I could focus on that more, and for myself I believe I am doing that more and more each day in my life outside you and I am consciously trying to make smart decisions. Through everything you have said, in the end, you deserve to be with someone you trust fully, I never thought there would be a day you say you wouldn’t trust me, and it feels like just yesterday I remember you on the phone in Belgium expressing how much you trust me with your life. I know deep down, you know the truth to what I see in you and feel about you, but maybe you cannot shake what has been said. I know you are deeply upset that someone so close to you could say such hurtful things and maybe have you think for a moment, ‘does he actually mean that’. I hope you know, I don’t think that. For that I am sorry if I gave you this belief of how I see you through my eyes. I too know what it feels like to be called certain names and how much they can hurt; in the future I will make efforts to not dish out names no matter what the circumstances are to anyone as I now truly understand how hurtful they can be whoever comes into my life.


She read it and didnt reply. I offered to come up this weekend to talk in person to figure it out, she said no. I was about to text her this:

After not talking for a week, your solution is to not talk more. When I offered to come up and talk to see you Saturday you told me no when it could drastically help. You now tell me you no longer trust me, and then leave me saying figure it out. I can't be in this situation anymore. It's obvious you have a different method of wanting to solve things when in my eyes things are getting worse.

But I cant, she didnt even let me break up with her, and deep down i didnt even want to. I feel like throwing up, constantly, how she has twisted this 100% around, how I am now at fault, how I am the one trying to get her attention. I dont know what to do, maybe she is right, maybe I went too far. Maybe this weekend she wants to go and party on a saturday.

a part of me wants to message her saying we are done, i cant do this anymore, another part of me wants to drive up there. Im a mess. Sometimes I think about my life, how i cant go on like this. That now its affecting me in every area. How I cant even train with my team, how its 1:30 pm and I havent eaten or gotten out of bed and i didnt even eat dinner anymore.

Im wrecked. I know you are all thinking, break up with her, end it, please, im messaging because I just need a short term fix here to get her and i talking again so I can be somewhat normal, so I can focus on my other things, and re-evaluate shit. I dont know if i should ignore her and let her be or say anything, i just want to fix things. Im so far gone, i can feel it.

OP, I'm glad that you are starting to show improvement and I believe that you are going to get yourself where you need to be. The thing that you have to realize is that you're giving her what she wants when you try to convince her that she's in the wrong. She has a need for conflict and she won't hear your message until you stop responding.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

How am i Improving when I feel sick to death

You're standing up for yourself and you know her responses are not fair to you and you're not accepting them. It seems like it's leading you to the conclusion that you should be coming to. Or maybe I'm wrong.

Feeling sick is just a reaction that should go away with time.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

Hey jack... I think if you read it again you'll see that she dumped OP and he's sending texts in hope she'll let him see her.Hence he feels like shit because he's getting ignored not that he did something. But she may come back though... Crazy chick's are crazy. Also, damn that must have been the longest text message ever.

Yeah...I seen that. The thing I see from him is that he's not giving in to her demands now. I'm not saying that he's in control of the situation, but I do believe that he's on the road to it.

She is definitely crazy and everyone told him he should run away and fast, but he didn't listen to that. At least at this moment he's not moving back into her direction.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

I'm a bit more pessimistic... I'm seeing he's stating things like if you hang up x, then she hangs up, then he texts her, she calls back to shit on him to hang up, he texts to say blah blah blah hoping she'll call back to hang up. I dunno.. I see him state things but beg for her to call him or work with him. Same thing as before.. He stands up to get put down, then he feels bad she's gone for a while. I dunno.. I'm just pessimistic that he's really making progress. I was hopeful when I read he told her not to hang up, but he went back on that.

And op I gotta say, I'm sorry for you.. But it's funny that yall are talking about a relationship needs communication. Um.. Yeah but start off with her not hitting and bitting you first. You 2 seem to forget that and make it sound like you're not being beaten.