Time to move on. Sounds like a step in a positive direction.[/quote]

I feel really messed up after that and even though I made up my mind I still feel like everything I'm doing is almost to try to win her back. Should I contact a counsellor maybe to get my head straight? And yeah I don't really feel like seeing anybody else. I want to hang out with my mates, with my family and enjoy the shit out of the money that I make and I used to spend on her/us and not myself. Shopping spree over the weekend!

Wouldn't be a bad idea to help you get in touch with some needs and process through some intense feelings. Also wise to surround yourself with safe people who can give you the empathy you so rightfully deserve.

You've got a bit of a wound, u'll be healthy in time. Enjoy yourself but also be careful of the behaviour that may mask things to give you only short-term relief such as bing shopping as that can numb you from sitting with your feelings. Really, the way out is through - to experience healthfully the 'negative' emotions and let them fully be processed, that will ensure you move forward faster. This, of course, is all contigent on you having NO contact at all with her, or the wound just re-opens. This extends to you texting her, even if she doesn't respond that will take a hit on your progress. It will be challenging for sure but you can do it.

You're feeling in a dark place, and that's o.k.. You wont be alone in the struggle, it is ok to let those feelings in as unsettling as they may seem. Give yourself some empathy too, you know...and in particular compassion. You did what you could, you aren't perfect, and the fact that the relationship didnt work is by no means a reflection on who you are as a person. Sometimes, no matter how much effort we put into something, it just doesnt work out - but the beauty is we can always grow and evolve to become better versions of our selves as we get up and rise from the ashes.

I'll tell you something with all my training, education, my life-experience sometimes no matter what I do it just wasn't meant to be. I can use all my so-called amazing powers of intellect, intuition, etc and its still not enough to keep a relationship buoyant, let alone put it on a healthy trajectory. Sometimes its just not in the cards, and in particular both people have to be willing to want to put the work in, and more importantly, able to.

Had a very productive day and I moved back to my parents house for 2 weeks. I am going to see a relationship specialist tomorrow (very expensive bastard by the way!! - it's almost better not to ever get into this position so you don't have to spend this kind of money). I sorted out the coaching part and I will not be seeing her anytime soon (I hope I can keep it this way). What really made me feel good about myself is when I spoke to a couple of people who knew both of us and said they could see it coming. To my surprise (it's my feeling) they were on my side and even said I was the more mature person in this relationship and her head has gone nuts with all her career malarky.

There were some things that disturbed me though.

1. I messaged her dad (I was training him as well) to say I would like to postpone our training by a couple of weeks until the dust settles. He replied saying he understand and he hopes we can resolve our differences. I replied saying I hope so too but it's not in my power anymore. NOW BEFORE YOU CRITICISE, I sent that text 2 days ago when I was in a completely different state of mind. Now today, as I was about to leave, she starts chatting to me and brings that up. She said she feels like I am trying to offload the guilt to her where what I read from my words was - it's up to her to fix it.

2. Similar situation - I trained one woman who we are both friends with. I had told her about the break up as I value her opinion highly and she was most supportive and said some nice things. My EX (still sounds odd) asked me what did I EXACTLY say. Again mentioned something along the lines she feels like I will try to put her in a bad light. Then she added she doesn't care anyway.

3. She asked me twice in the last 3 days if I was going to change my relationship status on Facebook. I haven't done so and neither has she. I know this is irrelevant as both of those information are actually hidden from our profiles but why would she care?

4. She constantly asked me who did I tell we broke up. She also told everyone we're going on a break. Is there a meaning behind this?

5. As I was at the door, she mentioned she still loved me and she doesn't feel hostile towards me blah blah blah with eyes full of tears. I was pretty annoyed so she kept on asking will I treat her as an enemy. I just left saying I don't know what's going to happen and that I hope she'll find the happiness in her decision. WHY DOES SHE KEEP ON SAYING SHE LOVES ME STILL AND ALWAYS WILL. #mindfucked

Am I reading into this too much or is there a meaning behind all this? I probably still am being somewhat hopefully of this turning around but I do not know how I could trust her after all this. I mean - I feel like she chose her career over her health issues, her relationship and common sense. I tried to change the world in this relationship (not literally) and what I got in return was a stab in the back. She couldn't sack one of her other coaches when things were bad with him (I had to do it) but she had no problem putting an end to this.

n2thevoid and all the other lads, if you're ever in Ireland, I owe you a pint.

Good for you. You'll get through it and more than likely come out better on the other end.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

You're looking to someone who sounds really confused about things herself.

The more you look to that instability for answers, the more unstable u'll become.

This is a situation where you're going to have to make a decision OR to remain in relationship limbo and endure the long-term pain and frustration that'll follow. You're looking for glimmers of hope in what she says, but clearly this isn't working. I am not sure I'd be confiding in anyone connected to her as it will potentially get back to her (especially if its a woman) and that can initiate her contacting you which I KNOW deep down is what you want, but will only keep you stuck in the hole.


And this is the thing. Right now you two of you are in a life raft going down this chaotic river. If you don't get out u'll simply become further entrenched in this and lose even more of yourself. Its time you gave yourself a life persevere, or throw a rope to the nearest tree and pull yourself out - in spite of your natural inclination to save her (which you can't).

By saving yourself that, ironically, is the only time you can stimulate others to save themselves. Grab ahold of that taut rope, and out this raft, get onto high land and get yourself 'dry'.

For the last 30 minutes i have read your situation and i kinda know how you must be feeling. Most guys including myself have been in your situation where a girl you love breaks up with you, offcourse this sucks and your mind will try to come up with excuses to fix the relationship as men by nature want to be winners.

The best advice like other members already said is to fully block her out of your life and ACCEPT the pain you feel. When you "lose the girl" you will tell yourself if i get into shape or make more money she will love me again but this would be lying to yourself, sure getting in shape and making more money help you get more confidence but it won't take the pain away.

What does help is time and only time. Work on yourself to take your mind of things but do them for yourself and not with the thought of getting back together, if you and her were meant to be this would not have happened. You and her had a good run but there are just so MANY woman out there who are more suitable for you.

Also remember its not just you who is knocked down, she feels the same pain you do so if you ever have a weak moment where you want to check her Facebook and you see her with another guy or girls having fun it doesn't mean she has moved on, its a mask. TIME and only TIME can heal the wounds.

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Do not make external things like girls define your happiness or you will live a harsh life. Keep doing what you love and keep improving as a man.

@Furiox Thanks for your compassion mate, means a lot.

I just feel like giving an update and potentially advice on how I've dealt with this and how some guys should deal with their break ups.

When it happened originally I was shattered and in a state of clear panic. Decisions I was making were irrational and stupid. I was trying to hold on to something that was very bad both for myself and my EX. I didn't see that at the time - I just couldn't handle the rejection and the fact that for some reason I wasn't good enough anymore.

I was in the state where no matter how many people tried to build me up I felt like it was all my fault (and it was to a certain extent - I take responsibility). However, having worked with a psychologist and talking to my friends I came out on top. One moment that really made the difference is when I realised she hooked up with somebody just a week since the break up (yeah, even though she said she had no intention of seeing other people). My mind was made up at that stage and I knew it was for the best that relationship ended.

Since then I have gone out on a couple of dates. Funny about the timing but just the day after I found out about her hook up I met this unbelievable 10/10 blonde who I am dating now and I am really enjoying this. Work has been great, my life in general has been great and everything is just so much better!

I appreciate all the help I received from all of you fellow PUAs and looking back at it, even though I didn't see it at the time, you were right. Life doesn't end when you break up - it quite often only begins. I got out of it as a much better person, I gained so much experience, I enjoy my work even more now and am growing my own business AND on top of that I am dating a girl I would have normally looked at and said she's just unreachable.

Life can write crazy scenarios but it always works out in the end for the best. Don't settle, move on and be happy with yourself before you can be happy with somebody else.