I am not in an official relationship with this girl but that's the frame we have set already...

Ok so I met this girl before Christmas so a couple months ago. I found out last week that her ex bf of 1 year broke up with her about 2 weeks before we started talking.. Ok dope that's why she's so cautious and taking things super slow with me, which I'm fine with whatever. I took her out for Valentine's Day and we had a nice time and when I took her home we sat in my car for awhile just talking. Somehow the conversation got to her previous relationship..ugh ik (which is when I found out about when things ended between them). She started talking about him and the dynamics of their relationship under the pretense "I want you to know why things didn't work out and how it ended."

I'm thinking to myself "ok.." So at this point she must have went on for a half hour with me mostly listening and maybe throwing in a sentence or two. Here's the thing... I noticed there were like 3-4 instances where I could tell she was on the verge of crying but she held it together without a single tear. After she's done explaining things she says she "doesn't want me to think that she isn't over him, because she is..."


Excuse me for being a little more than skeptical but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't be almost crying if she was over him am I right?!

So she's still processing through things, that's not necessarily a bad thing at all, it's just a 'thing'. Who's to say whether she's ready or not for a new relationship (not neglecting the fact you two aren't even official). The mere fact she's telling you what she's feeling means she feels safe and is being vulnerable with you; that said, talking about an ex are things I'm sure is something you really didn't want to hear.


Thats the background information I guess I'll get to the point now...

In the days following that night she became distant when she wasn't beforehand. She proceeded to blow me off with no response, a couple days later, when we were supposed to hangout. I confronted her about the sudden behavior and she told me that "she feels something for me and she is afraid to get too close" and "you have no idea what I've been through"

Ok. So she's looking for some sort of emotional acknowledgment, empathy.

We went a couple days of no contact until she hits me up wanting to chill this past Saturday. Original plans were to go to the city but then she asks "do you want me to come over?" I said "either or doesn't matter" An hour later I ask "So what's the word?" Well take a guess... She blew me off yet again with no response. It's now been 4 days and I haven't contacted her again and neither has she.

I could be misreading your text replies to her, but you sounded rather terse. Women, generally speaking, pickup on this quite readily.

I guess what I'm asking is wtf is going on? Lol. Do you guys think she is back in contact with her ex bf? Do you think she just wants some space for a little bit? I'm so confused because usually when a girl "feels something for you" she wants to hangout/talk to you am I wrong?

I can only take a stab at it. It's possible she's picking up on what you're emoting. You're obviously perturbed by her ex-bf convo. It's the proverbial elephant in the room for you, and its likely leaking through in your demeanour towards her, when she really wants to be heard is all. If this is something you can't handle, her still grieving the relationship and needing that time and space, and most of all understanding, than I suggest you throw this fish back into the sea and find another.

At this point the ball is in her court and I'm just gonna wait till she eventually contacts me and if she doesn't I guess it wasn't meant to happen?

So instead of articulating your need, you're going to engage in passive aggressive games. Doesn't sound healthy at all. There's a high probability she's seeing a change in you and wondering what the hell is going on. In all likelihood she'll tire of it and move on, unless of course she suffers from insecure attachment and the two of you develop a co-dependency towards one another and the years of hell that'll follow.


Do you guys have any insight in these types of situations? Any feedback is appreciated and I thank you in advance.

Thank you for your feedback. But if I'm not mistaken doesn't it come across as needy if I try to contact her again after she blew me off with no response TWICE? To me that gives off the impression that she wants space or doesn't feel the need/want to talk to me at the moment until she's ready to?

You made this dynamic happen. You need to fix it.

So instead of articulating your need, you're going to engage in passive aggressive games. Doesn't sound healthy at all. There's a high probability she's seeing a change in you and wondering what the hell is going on. In all likelihood she'll tire of it and move on, unless of course she suffers from insecure attachment and the two of you develop a co-dependency towards one another and the years of hell that'll follow.


Thank you for your feedback. But if I'm not mistaken doesn't it come across as needy if I try to contact her again after she blew me off with no response TWICE? To me that gives off the impression that she wants space or doesn't feel the need/want to talk to me at the moment until she's ready to?

Ok do you recommend texting her today about it or waiting till the weekend in person? We only hangout on the weekends because we both have busy schedules during the week.

Sounds to me like she isn't ready and not over the ex. Getting dumped to start dating 2 weeks later... Yeah... That's too quick for most. Also you haven't slept with her and she's been bsing you there too. You're most likely an emotional rebound. Also pretty shitty for her to not tell you she just got out of a relationship until last week. She should grieve... But she shouldn't have involved you romantically (without sex) before she was ready. Especially if she's gonna now go to flaking.

Also why did she say her ex broke up with her?

Sounds to me like she isn't ready and not over the ex. Getting dumped to start dating 2 weeks later... Yeah... That's too quick for most. Also you haven't slept with her and she's been bsing you there too. You're most likely an emotional rebound. Also pretty shitty for her to not tell you she just got out of a relationship until last week. She should grieve... But she shouldn't have involved you romantically (without sex) before she was ready. Especially if she's gonna now go to flaking.

Also why did she say her ex broke up with her?

There's actually a very valid reason for the no sex. Let's just say she's been through more than most girls have.

Lots of speculation, we aren't in her head therefore can't question her motives. Maybe she genuinely likes the guy but is naturally suffering the effects of a relationship gone awry. We don't know, perhaps she was well over the ex long ago, but the pain she'd experienced endured (e.g. perhaps he was abusive, who knows).

Point is we ALL have baggage. Nothing is ever perfect. Who knows, once she's processed through this a bit more she may make a terrific partner (or not, time will tell). I'm not saying throw caution to the wind, its always healthy to have some boundaries up especially in the beginning as you're getting to know the person. Of course if you get caught up in having your guard up that can impinge on building a strong connection with the person.