Hey guys, fact of the matter is, I had a convo with my gf of a few years about money, because we got new jobs. She kinda said how men can feel insecure when the woman makes more...and the woman might feel like she doesn't need the guy for the support as much etc.

I make more than her now, but she is going for her advanced degree. Her field, she will probably make more though in the future. I am in a field where I'll eventually be a PR Manager or a senior PR person. She is in nonprofit or hospital admin.

I will probably make 40-80k in my career...she will probably make 60-100k

Neither of us come from money (in fact she was poorer than me) and neither of us have dated someone with money either. We are in our 20's.

I am just wondering if it is worth pursuing long term if this is going to be a problem. I told her that "there are many other ways men support a woman, emotionally, physically, etc. and that this is the norm nowadays since more women graduate college than men!" and she was undecided on the matter.

I don't want to be with a woman who will have these thoughts if she makes more. How do gentlemen like you guys feel about this situation? I am in the corporate world but I feel like her ceiling is higher.

Confused. So was she saying she might not like it if she makes more than you?

no sir. we were talking, in general.

Ok. So you're wondering if you should continue with her IF it COULD be a problem, when both of you were speaking in GENERAL? Sorry, this doesnt make sense to me why you'd worry about something that she hasnt told you or has said thats even how she will feel when that time comes. But if you think she would leave you or dump you because of your income, not from this general conversation maybe include those details. I'm so confused, maybe someone else can give better advice

I understand the confusion, but you are right on track. This is about if I should invest in someone who is bound to have those feelings eventually. OR if there is a way to offset those feelings through other means as a man. She knows that this is what typically happens to men of low value when their women make more than them. But what happens to men with confidence, passion, charisma, great sex, etc. get put in this situation?

IMHO opinion I don't think it should be an issue, as long as you are driven, have goals, have a job I'm sure it wouldn't bother her.

On the other hand if you were just a lazy slob working part time at McDonald's and just bumming around on the couch no drive, no goals, I could see her ditching you eventually.

Smh..

There's a difference between earning minimum wage because you simply don't have the drive to do something with your life, which is unsexy, and earning as much as your field of expertise allows you too and always moving forward.

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"I don't want to be with a woman who will have these thoughts if she makes more. How do gentlemen like you guys feel about this situation? I am in the corporate world but I feel like her ceiling is higher."

Those are two pretty telling statements.

The first presupposes somehow she'll no longer want you when she starts earning more than you.

The second sounds to me like there's a bit of envy on your part that she'll be making more than you.


The first establishes that somehow you can read minds, because you've already decided she'll question your viability as a partner once she's earning more. You're projecting in that you believe she's having these thoughts that confirm your paranoia, which is a no-win situation short of dumping her. You're pre-emptively, in a sense, making arrangements to remove her presumably before she decides to breakup with you.

So you have a need for security that's being challenged by her potential earning capacity. You're unwittingly setting up for an adversarial relationship with her in the process.

This is your issue, not hers. You can do some work and reflect on it some more, but this is all definitely self-inflicted.


All of this is predicated on your shakey self-image based primarily on earning power and the notion that a woman, not just any woman, your partner may usurp you in this area is highly emasculating (for you anyway). At its core this i s about a self you'd created based on extrinsic value. Another man may easily recognize he can feel 'needed' in a myriad of other ways (e.g., emotional, intimacy, security etc..etc...).

Are you so insecure that even the mere thought of her POSSIBLY earning more than you in some nebulous future time sends you in a tizzy?

It really doesn't matter, to put it bluntly, unless YOU TWO make it matter. Which, it seems, it already does.

If I'm fulfilled, making a good wage, why does it matter if my wife/gf makes more than me?

Well I haven't told her that it matters, so why should it? Did you read my first post? I won't act in a way that tells her it matters to me

This is your gf of a few years. You should know whether she will leave you or lose interest if she makes more. If you think she would well go from there. Some women would have an issue with it. Some women value a man's support over anything else. Some value a man's looks above anything else. Some value connection, some value compatibility and similar interests. But you should know her by now and whether she fits into what category.

I think its good that the OP is questioning himself about that.

"Behind every successful man there is a strong wise and hardworking woman".

This will put him in a position where he will naturally want to grow, earn more money and offer more value in his relationship.

Don't project your insecurities on her though, she won't leave you as long as you're secure in yourself. Start doing things you always wanted, put less emphasize on her and her income and pursue your career goals.

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