what lesson can I learn from this?



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PostPosted: Tue Feb 16, 2016 1:20 pm 
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Yup, moving around all the time is tricky when it comes to building relationships. maybe if I wasn't things would have been different. Fingers crossed I find a place I can call home for more than about six months soon


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 16, 2016 3:10 pm 
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You have to look past this as an aberration. There is good reason the community stresses self improvement; #1 is you're stuck with yourself forever. Being the best person you can will give you a better outlook on life and also make you in general better with women. #2 On avg success is attractive. Don't let this 1 exp blind you to that reality.

Let's take Justin Beiber for example. Does every woman like him? No. But does he have any problem with women? Likely not, because of his status and he is good looking (I'm not gay). Just watch a video of him in public the female tweeny shrieks are nauseating.

I have seen this too in my life and it goes both ways:

The girl I want to be with is a stoner (I can't smoke), poor (I'm not), college age (I'm older - looking at master's programs), has tattoos (which I don't have) and lord only knows what other differences... She has told me before and after sex how handsome I am compared to her ex's, she knows I'm successful, has told me how she loves my body, and that I feel great. But guess what? Does not want a relationship with me. :?

In general, I don't like girls that are out of shape (I go to gym regularly), have kids (I have none), smoke/drink often (I don't like either much), are uneducated, other things that I am not.

*edit* forget Justin Bieber (bc he is actually a good looking kid) look at Rob Dyrdek. I mean most avg looking short white dude ever... look at his wife... That's why self improvement/cash > women.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 16, 2016 4:45 pm 
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Like David D. says - "Attraction isn't a choice."

Simply put: women are emotional... men are logical. The other guy made her feel more feelings than you did.
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Yeah...because a man would choose a gf by using logic....he'd choose the less attractive lawyer chick over the hotter girl with no job (sarcasm). That's not a good distinction because who doesnt pick the person they feel more feelings for?
Stop posting. Seriously.

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 16, 2016 6:20 pm 
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Like David D. says - "Attraction isn't a choice."

Simply put: women are emotional... men are logical. The other guy made her feel more feelings than you did.
Quote:
Yeah...because a man would choose a gf by using logic....he'd choose the less attractive lawyer chick over the hotter girl with no job (sarcasm). That's not a good distinction because who doesnt pick the person they feel more feelings for?
Stop posting. Seriously.

I swear I will if you can back what you said. I await your reasoning and don't take it personal if someone questions what you say. Heck,if anyone else can explain who her choice was due to her being a woman I'll stop posting.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 19, 2016 10:20 pm 
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If the lawyer is a total dog then yes - a guy would choose the hot woman. That's being logical.

What's also logical is the fact there are more than two women in this world. I, myself, am attracted to alpha women. This translates to them typically having very good high-paying jobs. I'm also attracted to women who are in shape, can make me laugh, and possess intelligence to name a few. This is what I go for and there are plenty of them in Los Angeles. So why would a guy choose between a hot unemployed woman or a hot lawyer? I'd rather have the hot lawyer.

Why would a guy want to be with a hot woman with no job? Let's assume the guy is an adult and so is the woman. Is she in between jobs and looking? Then it's not an issue.

Is she looking for a sugar daddy? If so, the only guy who would go after that is a beta who's exchanging money for affection.

This is the logical, male mind.

Women are emotional. This is why many women choose the guy who on paper is far inferior. It's because women make their choices based on how they feel. EMOTIONAL.


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Yeah...because a man would choose a gf by using logic....he'd choose the less attractive lawyer chick over the hotter girl with no job (sarcasm). That's not a good distinction because who doesnt pick the person they feel more feelings for?
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 19, 2016 10:33 pm 
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Careful with the "women are emotional guys are logical" dichotomy, it's not really accurate and the assumption can become problematic.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 12:20 am 
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Women are emotional. This is why many women choose the guy who on paper is far inferior. It's because women make their choices based on how they feel. EMOTIONAL.


Both sexes generally choose based on how the other person makes them feel. Most women, dont go picking the abusive, poor guy, same way most guys dont go picking the party "slut" or the chick with daddy issues. If you want to say MANY women choose the guy who is far inferior on paper, sure...MANY women do. Same way MANY guys pick the girl who is far inferior on paper as well. But you cant say MOST women do more than men, or at any great difference between the sexes.

Even in this very thread, the girl chose a guy who has no job. OP, has a job, is moving away soon, acted aloof, and told her not to get attached. Logically, the guy with no job is a better shot romantically than the guy MOVING, who doesnt act that interested and who told her not to get serious with him. Thats an easy logical decision. In fact, OP, the man, is not using logic when he wonders what went wrong. She'd be EMOTIONAL if she chose the guy who is leaving soon, and acts uninterested.

Most of us, go with the person who we feel better with. We dont pick partners from resumes. We weigh how interactions are, how physically attracted we are to the other person, sexual chemistry and other factors such as their lifestyle, goals, income, education, future potential. To say that because OP beats the other guy in the job realm, so it must be her emotions is incorrect logic. What about all the other factors that would make the other guy a better choice? Maybe other guy is funnier, maybe he's kinder, maybe they have better sex.

Both sexes have examples of people making just plain bad dating/relationship decisions. Some men choose shit women, and some women choose shit men. Statements like women are emotional when they dont make a choice you see as correct, is just you not being logical. You cant know what's in someone's head, man or woman. You cant know how someone's relationship is. You can look at a girl dating a guy with no job and not understand it, but you dont know the guy is sweet to her and she likes that. You don't know if she didnt like OP's jokes or found his sex terrible. You dont know if she dislikes Long distance relationships. If a girl chose a guy with no job over me, I wont just peg it as she's not being logical. I dont know the guy, or how they interact or what he does for her.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 2:54 am 
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You don't understand. It's over your head despite the fact it's basic. So I'm done attempting to explain it to you. Best of luck out there....

Quote:
Quote:
Women are emotional. This is why many women choose the guy who on paper is far inferior. It's because women make their choices based on how they feel. EMOTIONAL.


Both sexes generally choose based on how the other person makes them feel. Most women, dont go picking the abusive, poor guy, same way most guys dont go picking the party "slut" or the chick with daddy issues. If you want to say MANY women choose the guy who is far inferior on paper, sure...MANY women do. Same way MANY guys pick the girl who is far inferior on paper as well. But you cant say MOST women do more than men, or at any great difference between the sexes.

Even in this very thread, the girl chose a guy who has no job. OP, has a job, is moving away soon, acted aloof, and told her not to get attached. Logically, the guy with no job is a better shot romantically than the guy MOVING, who doesnt act that interested and who told her not to get serious with him. Thats an easy logical decision. In fact, OP, the man, is not using logic when he wonders what went wrong. She'd be EMOTIONAL if she chose the guy who is leaving soon, and acts uninterested.

Most of us, go with the person who we feel better with. We dont pick partners from resumes. We weigh how interactions are, how physically attracted we are to the other person, sexual chemistry and other factors such as their lifestyle, goals, income, education, future potential. To say that because OP beats the other guy in the job realm, so it must be her emotions is incorrect logic. What about all the other factors that would make the other guy a better choice? Maybe other guy is funnier, maybe he's kinder, maybe they have better sex.

Both sexes have examples of people making just plain bad dating/relationship decisions. Some men choose shit women, and some women choose shit men. Statements like women are emotional when they dont make a choice you see as correct, is just you not being logical. You cant know what's in someone's head, man or woman. You cant know how someone's relationship is. You can look at a girl dating a guy with no job and not understand it, but you dont know the guy is sweet to her and she likes that. You don't know if she didnt like OP's jokes or found his sex terrible. You dont know if she dislikes Long distance relationships. If a girl chose a guy with no job over me, I wont just peg it as she's not being logical. I dont know the guy, or how they interact or what he does for her.

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 3:24 am 
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You don't understand. It's over your head despite the fact it's basic. So I'm done attempting to explain it to you. Best of luck out there....
Lol. So your sig says you answer dating questions and you can't explain something that you consider simple. Although, I understand where you're coming from you don't seem to understand the men logical/women emotional theory.

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 3:30 am 
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No I get it....Its a nice little statement to throw out as the reason for something you cant explain or have little understanding of human psychology. Its like "all hot women will test you" and if you dont agree, then you dont get it and dating fatties. Or go fuck 10 other women. They're nice statements but empty when you put reasoning into it. Nothing personal against you for calling it out, I just dislike empty regurgitated statements and try to stop them from being perpetuated.

Jack, I get that women think and express on a more emotional level, I just dont get how someone choosing someone else over you equals women are just emotional. That simple like a man would have chosen a woman over another because of how they stacked up against each other on paper. Maybe you can explain better?


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 4:21 am 
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You don't understand. It's over your head despite the fact it's basic. So I'm done attempting to explain it to you. Best of luck out there....
Lol. So your sig says you answer dating questions and you can't explain something that you consider simple. Although, I understand where you're coming from you don't seem to understand the men logical/women emotional theory.
I've already explained it.

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 4:48 am 
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The whole logical vs. emotional is actually nature vs. nurture. The thing is that it's not written into the DNA like a lot of guys believe. It's written into the personality based on experience. Boys tend to grow up being taught to suppress emotional responses, especially when it comes to negative emotions, with the exception of anger(This is why so many guys are passive aggressive). Girls on the other hand are generally encouraged to express emotion. It doesn't mean that women have more emotions and men have more logic. It doesn't mean that women are going to make decisions based solely on emotion and men make decisions solely on logic.

What does happen is that men usually make logical decisions in emotionally stressful situations because we're usually suppressing our feelings. On the flip side women are better at handling emotions all around and being able to express them a lot easier. This is why when we talk to women at an emotional level we have given ourselves an advantage.

The whole thing about about men being logical is a bit of a red herring because logical decisions don't mean good decisions or well thought out decisions. We can make bad decisions because of flawed logic. The same can also be said that emotional decisions are not necessarily bad decisions.

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 4:49 am 
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I've already explained it.
Incorrectly

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 5:24 am 
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The whole logical vs. emotional is actually nature vs. nurture. The thing is that it's not written into the DNA like a lot of guys believe. It's written into the personality based on experience. Boys tend to grow up being taught to suppress emotional responses, especially when it comes to negative emotions, with the exception of anger(This is why so many guys are passive aggressive). Girls on the other hand are generally encouraged to express emotion. It doesn't mean that women have more emotions and men have more logic. It doesn't mean that women are going to make decisions based solely on emotion and men make decisions solely on logic.

What does happen is that men usually make logical decisions in emotionally stressful situations because we're usually suppressing our feelings. On the flip side women are better at handling emotions all around and being able to express them a lot easier. This is why when we talk to women at an emotional level we have given ourselves an advantage.

The whole thing about about men being logical is a bit of a red herring because logical decisions don't mean good decisions or well thought out decisions. We can make bad decisions because of flawed logic. The same can also be said that emotional decisions are not necessarily bad decisions.
Exactly this. Hence why I disagree with dismissing all the factors that went into her choice as she wasnt being logical. Maybe OP is more stable for her, but he's boring. Maybe he's more stable, but acted too uninterested. Is it logical for her to choose the guy who she's bored with? Is it logical to choose the guy who she had to chase? No. Op's trying to look at it from his point of view; he THINKS he's just as interesting; he THINKS he's just as attractive to her. But he doesnt know anything about the other guy besides his negatives.
No one makes the best choice about anything just based on logic. We all prioritize different things and make choices based on that. One person may choose to buy and economical car, because they value saving money more. Another person may buy a fancy car because they value the status symbol. Both are fueled somewhat by emotions; one for the feeling of security, the other for the feeling of confidence.
Maybe the guy cant hold a job, and smokes weed. But if he makes her feel better than you he wins.Doesnt mean because he cant hold a job that trumps everything else abt him. Same way if you were looking for a ltr and had 2 girls, equally attractive, one was a wreck financially, the other had her own business but was moving away soon. The first chick is broke, but treats you amazing. The 2nd chick is more stable but you have to chase down. You're not wrong whichever way you choose, its what you value more. Just because you cant explain why someone made a choice, doesnt mean they were just being emotional.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 5:25 am 
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The whole logical vs. emotional is actually nature vs. nurture. The thing is that it's not written into the DNA like a lot of guys believe. It's written into the personality based on experience. Boys tend to grow up being taught to suppress emotional responses, especially when it comes to negative emotions, with the exception of anger(This is why so many guys are passive aggressive). Girls on the other hand are generally encouraged to express emotion. It doesn't mean that women have more emotions and men have more logic. It doesn't mean that women are going to make decisions based solely on emotion and men make decisions solely on logic.

What does happen is that men usually make logical decisions in emotionally stressful situations because we're usually suppressing our feelings. On the flip side women are better at handling emotions all around and being able to express them a lot easier. This is why when we talk to women at an emotional level we have given ourselves an advantage.

The whole thing about about men being logical is a bit of a red herring because logical decisions don't mean good decisions or well thought out decisions. We can make bad decisions because of flawed logic. The same can also be said that emotional decisions are not necessarily bad decisions.
There are always exceptions to everything and of course men feel emotions. And there are certainly men who make much decisions based on emotion more than other men. One could make the same argument for women. We're all different, of course.

The fact is women want to feel emotion and when a man evokes it they feel excitement whether it's good emotion or bad emotion. Women get hooked on it. Thus the bad boy and the story of the nice guy being boring and predictable.

The 'logic' in man is that what a man is attracted to makes much more sense than a woman choosing a bad boy over a nice guy. Of course, when one understands how attraction works within a woman it all makes perfect sense - especially when the woman is attractive to some degree.

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