She didn't get a "proper" vday because the situation doesn't call for that. They've only been dating for one month.

What is a proper vday anyway? I mean the only type of woman I see tripping over such shit is definitely not the type I'd ever date.

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I think maybe she wanted a better v-day than a shooting range,hence she came too late and had to ask again. But I don't think that's the cause so much because OP said he noticed her becoming unresponsive prior to v-day

Please note, if this is the case, I'm not justifying her behaviour in any way. I'm referring to "romantic" Vday shit like flowers and chocolate. I'm simply saying that the fact that things mysteriously shut down on/around Vday, the fact that she made it a point to ask about Vday plans despite them being communicated previously, and her response to OP's conversation when he jokingly asked for a gift pretty much all adds up in my mind to the simple conclusion that the VDay SPAM was an issue.

Doesnt look to be the case at all, especially since her behavior pre-dates V-day. Improbable given the whole back story.

Just to clarify what I did for VDays was that I made steak and a dish that she really likes. Made dessert by baking a dark chocolate cheesecake, made an origami doll of a character she likes and got her roses/wrote a card. I enjoy and prefer making things as opposed to buying things. Also I'm neck deep in med school loans, so spending a lot of money isn't exactly an option for me .

I know that she really wanted to shoot a rifle, so I arranged that, but she came late. And I made the gifts because I wanted to. It's just that every Valentine's day I've spent with a girl has always resulted in the girl getting me something or the girl doing something i.e. cooking something I like or painting a picture/artwork. Maybe because of this I had unrealistic expectations when I shouldn't have. The thing that annoyed me was that she didn't do anything other than bring herself, despite my planning the whole day. Coupled with her unresponsiveness all of last week and lateness made me question her, and hence my whole spiel about seeing effort from her part. It may not have been sexy or whatever the fuck, but I wanted to voice my mind and not have a precedent set for future behavior.

At this point I'm just going to text her to meet up either Saturday night or Sunday, since I made the plans with my college friends (and they're from overseas). What else would you guys suggest in terms of moving forward with her? I would like to develop this into something, but if I keep getting signals like this, then I would abort. I just need to figure out the fine line between being persistent and being needy.

Attracting girls for me isn't difficult, it's my maintain-and-relationship game (comfort) that I need to work on.

Does this mean that you're willing to deal with it for a little while longer? If it does then you are setting yourself up to abort. When a person gets used to treating you a certain way then they will continue to treat you that way.

Don't be afraid to pull back and focus on the other aspects of your life if she's not treating you the way you want to be treated. I'm not saying pull back to get a reaction out of her. I'm saying to pull back because if you find your life is less stressful without her in it and the same time not seeing any investment from her, you'll be aborting for the right reasons.

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I am willing to deal with this a little bit longer based on the conversations in terms of what we want (we both agreed we wanted something long-term and someone highly educated [we're both medical students]). Also we talked about our exes and how they shaped us. She said that on average it took her 3-4 months to get serious with a guy, while we did everything she normally does in barely a month. She didn't say it, but I'm guessing she's starting to double-back and re-evaluate things (not that I am justifying her behavior btw). The thing is, I don't want to abort, I want this to continue, but if the situation called for it, then I would recognize that I have no choice.

Also you may be right in that I need to pull back in terms of contacting her and etc. I just keep getting mixed signals since right before she left on Valentine's, she said "I still want to see you next week" and now she's much less responsive and terse with her messages. Hence that's why I'm thrown in this loop of deciding whether to meet up with her this weekend.

No. It's about staying invested in yourself whilst allowing others into your life. Which, not surprisingly, lends to developing healthy boundaries with people, yourself in particular. For example, if you were to throw all your energies into wooing a girl you are having poor boundaries with yourself, you are acting as a 'nice dead person' (a person with no needs, which is not possible: cr. Marshall Rosenberg). Having poor boundaries with one's self is the precursor to becoming the proverbial door matt. And what happens when we do things to win others? We set ourselves up to fail. We silently endure and harbour resentment towards that person over time (even though its not their issue whatsoever), and we do things out of a misplaced sense of obligation. In short, we expect some sort of a return and when that doesn't happen, we react and both people in the relationship pay the price. I am really fleshing it out here, but I feel it is necessary as I continually see posts like this one where the guy is focusing on tactics and strategies with the ultimate objective of WINNING her (which never works).

Saying that its "maintaining-and-relationship game (comfort)" is like focusing on the steering wheel while learning to drive a car.

Forest for the trees...

I'll elaborate a bit further. You're putting too much focus on the woman, and not enough on yourself. Working on more 'game' whether its comfort or whatever is counter productive; it's still putting your attentions on her, and that's the paradox. It's externalizing behavior, what gets guys in trouble in the first place - and it's reinforcing looking outside yourself for validation, which isn't healthy.

Strong words there by n2thevoid.

Just wanted to thank you.

Good advice here, just want to add some things

Kevlar, you seem like a good guy. All that you did for V-day, sounds really nice and most girls would appreciate your effort in a LTR, let alone after a month of dating. It's a bit much for 1 month dating situation...but I get it... you're dating...talking every day, meeting friends...I can see where you'd think you were on the same page. Personally, I'm not one for the whole "this is how I typically date people stuff"...like if it took you 3-4 months to get serious with your last bf, what does that have to do with me? You're not with your last bf anyway, so obviously following that pattern doesnt provide some benefit.

I am a believer in liking someone based on their actions and what we connect on. I'm fine with planning most of the dates, but a girl's gotta do some shit too. Cook, plan the occasional date, surprise me in some way. Not just me taking you out cause thats what youve always done. If I'm talking to you every day and meeting your friends, you should know me enough to put at least SOME effort into v-day, if you plan on spending it together and know I have something planned for you. You've been planning all the dates, she couldnt have brought a bottle of wine to your place for v-day? You could do all those things for a chick that you did on v-day, but please let it be for a chick who has been cooking you dinner for the past month and picking you up small gifts. I agree with n2 that you shouldnt give a gift for something in return, but also, when you give a chick a gift, let it be that she earned it. What has this chick done to earn your gifts? Coming out of a vagina near the same time of year you met?

This girl probably ticks alot of boxes for you on paper, hence you want to lock her down, but her actions should drive how you feel about her. She should be putting in effort too, not just doing the minimum (sex), and telling you it is what it is. You're not on the same page with this girl...yes, you may be doing too much but she's gotta pull her weight in this.

Why are you putting effort into this girl?

If its the sex, then keep as a fwb

If its just because both of you would like something long term, thats not a good reason

If its because shes a med student, again not a good reason

What is she doing, or what has she done to enrich your life that she deserves to be taken seriously?

No worries, glad to help.

@n2, good response above. Very well laid out.

I'm very conflicted on this topic because one hand I tend to agree with neo, but on the other hand I feel that her actions are your own fault OP.

When you give a person too much too soon, which you have, you will scare them off. They'll think something is amiss simply because internally they do not feel they have earned this much attention from you.
I think this is the subtle difference between her being appreciative of what you're doing and her being naturally defensive. That really does sound like a great vDay you've planned, but again, it was way too soon so in contrast to that it may have had an undesired effect.

There's also the factor of uncertainty. And this has nothing to do with playing games, but about half of the fun when meeting someone new is wanting to discover both them and their feelings towards you. If you right off the bat disclose you want a LTR with this person(not to mention there's not nearly enough foundation for such declarations - you barely know her), where's the challenge? And uncertainty is natural for the first several weeks of any relationship. You took this challenge away from her, so it really should come as no surprise that she's suddenly less receptive. She's just not putting in that much effort anymore because you already confirmed that you're sold on her. Basically it's like giving someone a spoiler for the next episode of Game of Thrones. You're not doing them a favor, you're just killing their enthusiasm.

And what I've written in this post is really no different from what n2 said in his. It's merely a different perspective, but the core of the idea is the same.

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I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Marshall Rosenberg - Memnoon Concept (Audio) (About GIVING, and how giving out of negative energy creates toxicity in relationships)

1:32 audioclip - I think it'd benefit you guys.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMJE7cR_I2Y

Thank you all for the insight especially RC, n2thevoid and neo87, I see now that I need to re-evaluate myself and the situation, along with focusing more on myself, critically evaluating if she adds value to my life and not being so linear.

Then I would like to ask everyone, what do I do from here?

Live.