Ok so i've recently got out of a semi long relationship and even though i know it's not the answer i started talking to girls again almost instantly...

So i signed up to tinder and i'm getting a fair amount of matches, i dont like to talk on tinder so i usually get their number right away so i can add them on SPAM.. also gives me the opportunity to surprise them with a phone call..

anyway a girl i am talking to is going down to east london on tuesday for a night out on her birthday and said it would be great if she could see me there.. sounds like a result right? well no.. I am shit in situations like that, going out to clubs just aint my thing and i will make myself look like a first class bellend if i do go.

so should i make an excuse as to why i cannot go? shall i just fuck it and go and hope for the best?

no intentions of a relationship with this girl as of yet, just getting to know her and trying to hookup..

any help appreciated guys

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If you really don't like going to clubs you could tell her you're busy but will see her after for a drink or something? But if you feel embarrassed in clubs (thinking you look like a first class bellend) then maybe you should make yourself go to clubs more to get more comfortable there. No one else is dancing any better than you

Thanks they're both actually really good ideas!

getting used to going to clubs is definitely a good idea, opens up a lot more opportunities to meet girls. i'll just go when it's less important and go with a few lads instead of a girl i'm trying to hookup with

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What? You're going on a first date with her in a club? You're going on a first date on her birthday that will probably be filled with her girlfriends and other friends. I don't know man, sounds bad to me.


Just rearrange a meet on some other day, no clubs though, simple drink.

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Yeah that's exactly how i see it, clubs are for meeting people not for meeting up with people you already know...

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He hardly knows her too. It's just plain awkward.

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I'm not a clubber either man, you don't have to go to clubs and that is no excuse to give up or display weakness. Figure out your strong points, use them, and improve on your weaknesses. I'm a good talker, I talk to women. I'm a bad dancer, I avoid situations that requir me to dance if I can. If not I dance like shot anyways because the girl has fun dancing either way. Go to bars that aren't blaring music.

Have you actually been to a club before? They are pretty fun....

A lot of guys say they aren't "club guys" when the reality is they are just too much of a tight ass to go out and have some trashy fun.

Don't be ingenuous to yourself, OP. I don't like clubs, either. I usually tell women to join me for a beach boardwalk walk - that way I can enjoy the scenery and get some exercise and enjoy myself.

From time to time I will agree to meet a woman at a bar but it's always my bar of choice (a dive bar where I can hold a conversation) - it's only 15 mins from my house as well.

OK - I'm rambling. Point is - tell her you'll meet her at (place you like - whether it's a bar for a drink or some cool place you can meet up for a bit to see if you're interested in her). Don't go to a place you don't want to go to.

One thing I perfected back East before moving to L.A. - there was this dive bar a mile from my place. A total craphole. I would meet women there for a drink. After a drink I would say, "I don't feel like being here anymore. I've got drinks at my house and they're free."

The girl would typically ask where I lived and I'd say "Less than a mile away. Let's go."

My success rate with that line was shockingly high. Logistics are your friend.

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I likely would have said "Fuck the club, let's __________"

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I'm not a club guy either because I don't dance - even though I know how to stop myself getting in my head, it still kills the mood and I end up not even wanting to dance unless I'm fucking hammered on drink, and even then it's barely a dance and more of a shuffle around the dance club moving my arms a little until I get a girl. Lol.

Makes me sound a huge fucking faggot but the 2 "fears" I've never managed to get over are dancing and singing. Even if I'm home alone with the doors locked I don't even mumble lyrics just on the off chance that I might be heard... now it's not even a case of wishing I did, it's been so long that I don't even get the urge to do it anymore. Worst part is I come from a VERY musical family (uncles had hit songs in the charts in the 1990's, Nan was in a lot of plays etc, aunt is a qualified music teacher and amazing on a piano and a brilliant singer, her daughter is the same, my Dad plays the guitar, my uncles a brilliant drummer bla bla bla... list goes on)

If you're like me and it's gotten to the point that you don't even get urges anymore, then don't do it. If you still really want to do it, just fucking dive in at the deep end. Infact, you could even argue that you should dive in at the deep end regardless, but I'm not qualified to give that advice because I haven't really done it. I've only ever heard myself sing once, I was absolutely steaming drunk, pushing a "broken" cycle (chain came off but I was too pissed on cheap cider to realise) and singing Babyface "I pretend that I'm glad you went away. These four walls close in more every day, and I'm dying inside, and nobody knows it but meee" hahahaha.

J.Daniels, the massive faggot nahhh, everybody still has the odd thing that's still a little weird for them. I mean, for all we know, half of this forum could be guys that are too scared to walk home in the dark so they worked on their skills just to get a girl to walk them back to her place lol.

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I would encourage you to go to the club but not as a first date. Regardless with whatever happens with the girl it will help reduce your evident social anxiety. I don't like clubs, but I have no problem going to one if need be. If you know the venue and there is private spaces that would be ok, but loud music... prob no.

This woman asked me to meet her at a club for a first meet and I refused and said I don't want to play where's Waldo. She's trying to arrange me to meet her at her place tonight.

Making a character attribution (aka shaming) isn't going to help him. There's a marked difference between "being", and "acting like..." the language we use towards ourselves and others (invariably a reflection of how we treat ourselves) is directly linked to this language.