Hello everyone

I have a girlfriend since 2 months back, been seeing eachother for about 5 months in total. She is a 19 year old HB 9 and a pretty dominant person.

I have found myself in the position of feeling that she is the dominant one in our relationship. She is much less needy than me, and she shows more aloofness.

I believe that ive put myself in this situation since i always spoil her. I am always available to her, I often offer her massages and bringing her coffee and so on without getting anything in return.I Always answer her texts right away and so on.

I reckon that my behaviour is what created the situation.

So i thought that maybe I should spoil her less than I do. Maybe sometimes decline her massage requests or ask for something in return?

I also wonder how big role the texting plays?
I often respond a lot faster than her and most of the time I am being more "cute" than her in the messages.

Maybe text her less and Only send cute texts if she does?

Lastly I want to add that I am actually very dominant in the bedroom and she does anything that I tell her to do sexually. But for some reason I have a hard time keeping that dominant frame outside the bedroom.

So to try to sum up what I want:
I would like advice on how to make myself less needy, and to make her see me as more dominant.

Also advice on how I can benefit overall in the relationship by being the dominant one in the bedroom.

Thanks

Neediness is the direct result of lacking confidence that you can find another girl like this one. If you stop being afraid to lose her and demand the same respect you give her, she'll fall into line.

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Thanks for the reply, and I do understand what you mean.

However I feel that turning it around is a bit of a process. Do you have anymore direct tips related to what I wrote about texting and so on.

If that's your personality, why would you change it? It's her not appreciating it and you're thinking about adjusting who you are. Doesn't that seem a little silly?

Bottom line is ask yourself this question: If she doesn't appreciate you does she deserve you?

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It is a process, like you said and he is correct. Since your in this "relationship" it's hard to do. The only way to purge neediness, is to be with many women.

I see what you mean, so let me clarify. Growing up I did not have such a great confidence. However I have improved it tremendously over the last years. I am not trying to change my persona, I want to keep improving my confidence and become the person I want to be. It is just that sometimes I fall into old patterns and display lower confidence when I shouldnt.

I feel that right now I just need a few simple pointers to help me reestablish my confident self,

Little tips and tricks may help in seduction but you won't be able to sustain them overtime.
How are you always instantly replying back anyway? Do you never have anything to do?

You're more invested in her than she is in you, simple as that. If you naturally loosen the grip, she'll naturally tighten. Get busier, seems like you have a lot of time on your hands. Get some hobbies, do shit that keeps you focused and interested, whatever that may be.

Relationships should not be a power struggle. Do these things for your own self, not to prove something to her. Neediness is decreased by increasing your self worth firstly, and the ability to recognize it secondly.

Improve yourself and your questions will answer themselves.

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How to keep a girl.

Have you seen any increasing disinterest from her due to your lack of dominance? I mean, just keep in mind that if she likes you submissive and sending cute texts, stopping that may end up making you lose her. Just a point

We all have our issues and I understand that. I'm trying to figure out why you think the problem is you? If you texted her cute little texts before she was your girlfriend, you still got her as a girlfriend. If you gave her massages before she was your girlfriend, you still got her as a girlfriend.

Your question implies that you are doing something wrong. You aren't saying that these things that you are doing now is different from what you were doing before she became your girlfriend. The only thing I see at this point is that there is no reciprocation(and I'm not sure if there ever has been) and you don't like it.

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I really get what you mean even tho it might not seem like it. I will focus on my own improvement firstly.

Thanks for the responds!

This girl really loves, she tells me quite often so I do not doubt that.

There is no big issue really besides I have noticed that I have become more needy. She still wants to see me and be with me all the time. It is just that I would want to decreasd the feeling I have of beeing needy.

Forgive me if I'm wrong and maybe other posters see it diffently...but nothing you wrote is needy really. Sure you do more for your gf, but that's not being needy. Needy imo is doing those things for her, wanting them in return but afraid to mention it.

Thanks for your input:)

But over time, doing these things could indeed turn OP into one needy person? If we presume things always have a tendency to spread somewhere (or advance) so can his behavior too.

Also, e.g. trying to purposely not answer her messages when you see them, won't help either. You have to find something to do, and limit the free and avaible time you seem to have a lot. Find something you're passionate about and go for it, or join the gym. It will make you feel better.

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Nah I mean needy implies afraid to lose her, if she left you'd be devastated and suffer depression. You need her in your life to feel whole. What I mean is doing nice actions and texting her wouldn't turn you into a needy person, if at the core your just being nice. A girl could see these actions as needy, but in a relationship she should know whether it's just your nature to be caring or whether it's to keep her from leaving. Neediness begins when you put her above yourself, which ironically, changing yourself to keep her is just that. Now that OP wants to change how he acts to keep her, that's the start of putting her above himself. If you like doing massages and don't care for them in return, that's not needy. If you like doing massages and want her to do the same yet you don't want to tell her that, that's needy. If you like to give massages but don't want her to see you as needy so you stop doing what you want, that's needy.