hey guys,

so i've been interested in this girl for a while. after a while i've learned she had a bf, but also she was about to end the rs, cause she wasn't happy any more. when after a while she didn't, i told her i didn't want to stay in touch any longer. she had a hard time accepting but finally did. that same evening after we had talked she freaked out though and texted me. over the following days we exchanged some texts. her's included stuff like she was "walking by my house all the time" and was "tempted to stop" and to "explain something to me which she didn't understand herself". she even wrote she felt she was doing a huge mistake [by letting me go].
her words were tempting, i got weak i guess. she suggested to go for a beer and discuss everything, i agreed. i explained to her i was willing to stay in touch as long as we could meet and get to know each other. when after christmas she started flaking on me, i decided to return to my decision.

i told her i had a feel it wasn't working. after a little discussion i ended with a text that said i thought it was the best to leave everything behind since it was only confusing us and didn't lead anywhere. i put in some passionate stuff as well, just to make sure she knew what she was missing after that i met her twice at the uni last week, she wouldn't even look at me. but when i was playing a concert last tuesday surprisingly she walked up to me and said hi and acted rather normal.

on thursday she texted me back, like really confused: she said she didn't know what to say and that she felt so many things she cannot describe, but also that, after seeing me on tuesday, she had a feel it was for the best if we wouldn't meet in a while (adding that this was really hard for her). she ended the text with "are you perhaps at the jam session tonight?" (!?*/!??!*&??) i responded "i'm not gonna be at the session tonight". she texted back "ok! that's a pitty! i wish you a good time then!". i didn't respond.
today there comes another text that says that she wanted to be sure that i didn't misinterpret her last message and that the least thing she wanted to have now was a misunderstanding. (wtf, i didn't understand her text at all!)

well i guess you can tell she's really suffering from not hearing from me. but since i know that the minute she feels comfortable again she will start flaking on me again or whatever, i guess my only chance is to drive her so crazy that she's gonna flip and starts acting.
what to do in this kind of situation? we're not gonna see each other for a month since it's a holiday. i'm not sure if it's good not to respond. any ideas?

thanks for your help, guys!

ps: she told me she was mainly afraid about meeting and not being able to keep herself from making out with me..

nice post, i just wanted to say it sounds like your game was strong. I know that it may be alittle early to be thinking about the big 2/14, but keep in mind girls are like generals, they like to as many medals as they can.

Great job on the delaying the text, I would just let her know you were doing what ever (frame into a dhv) and explain you could go to the event that night, but take her out somewhere before the 2/14. Ideally I would go out to a place you feel comfortable, show social value (and regain social proof), and last but not least, project her into future plans.

(idk if your into holidays, if you are turn it into a dhv and talk about the past times (kino and demonstrate what you did). IF your not into holidays, don't say you don't like holidays, instead dhv with your work (it show independence, and it will give you a transition and let her know what you will be doing for 2/14).

For the texting, I would try coming up with a another way of seeing, like saying you have a surprise and its too good to text and arrange a meet up. (for the surpise it could be like a lunch at a new resturant / tickets to movies that she connected with you over / or something you remember she liked thats cute and cheap)

Dude, you oblivious fucker. She clearly wants you. However she can't just go all out as if she were single. Having a bf may be a slight inconvenience in that regard. Who knew?

She's looking for an alibi OP. She won't just purposely walk up to your house, kick the door down and dive on your dick, because then she has to face the reality of her making a conscious, clear headed decision of cheating on her bf.

She's trying to put herself in a position to be seduced by your bone head. Basically she wants to have the "plausible deniability" of "it just happened" and that it wasn't premeditated.

Your approach towards her was wrong. You chose to talk instead of act. Next time you see her at a party be more aggressive in your intent. Have a drink with her, isolate her, throw your hand in her throat, slam her against a wall and give her what she wants. ALREADY!

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It's this, but it's also more to this.

It's not good game dude, and it's more about your mindset. You are thinking in the terms of boyfriend - girlfriend, "this should be how things are done in this context and this should be how life happens." When this is not the case.

Look she is doing everything she can to survive and replicate in the best way that she can. She keeps the boyfriend around because it improves her chances (evolutionarily of course). What is important to realize here is that you keep tying yourself to the outcome. "Oh we can't see each other so we better just stop talking." Or "She was being flaky so we had to stop talking."

It's going to be better for you to go about this with a new mindset. She is free to do whatever she wants. You won't judge her, but rather you will accept her for the woman she is. With this mindset, it doesn't matter if she has a boyfriend or not. You are not attached to any outcome and there is no failure based on her actions.

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thanks guys, i appreciate your answers. most of your recommendations assume that i get a chance to meet her, but i actually really don't:

1) she flakes on me when i try to set something up
2) when we meet anywhere we're surrounded by friends and students of the uni we both go to

it's almost impossible to isolate her, i've tried couple of times. her bad conscience hardly allows her to do anything risky.
now when i talk about i need her to start acting, or let's maybe say "invest", then i don't mean i expect her to walk up to me and start making out. but some sort of commitment. at least she has to give me the opportunity to meet with her, right?

i've recently witnessed a similar story with a friend. she left her bf for another guy. she had been in a lang distance rs and the new guy took advantage and really pushed it. when she said "no" he would just drive to her place and ring the bell until she'd open. he started dating her as if there was nothing, kissed her with no doubts. she finally broke up with her bf. he kind of got what he wanted, i guess, but the actual rs is a horror trip. they fight all day. bad conscience tears her apart. she keeps asking me to give her excuses to contact her former bf again. it's a fuckin nightmare.

now i don't know about you but i'd rather never make out with her then end up in a rs like that. i've been very direct, also i was already almost making out with her on our first date (when she hadn't revealed to me that she was in a rs yet), but i don't believe it's a good thing to push it too hard.

i believe my two chances are:
1) let her go and see if she returns (worked like that with my last gf)
2) drive her crazy so that she will invest, meet her, build from there

i'm not sure if i should respond to her last text ("you did not misinterpret my last message, did you? ...") at all. but then she'd probably think that i'm pissed. what if i just told her i don't believe that we have a misunderstanding?
there's another girl that i had a crush on that just returned and tries to meet me all the time. i'll see what happens and therefore i just want to react in a way that won't involve me too much into the whole story again, and still make her chase me..

The only real chance you have is to get physical with her already. First time is the most difficult, it gets easier after.

How hard is it to grab her by the hand and say "come over here, I want to talk to you" and isolate? Stop waiting for a "perfect" moment, there's no such thing. She will hesitate because that's what her logical brain will dictate. But the look in her eyes will give away her real desires.

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There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Again this is not the mindset to have with a girl with a bf. As you already stated her relationship is fucked, but you don't do anything, you just be. You don't have chances, you have opportunities that you will take if they come your way. There is nothing to force here.

What I mean by be: you be that strong masculine energy that accepts her and her situation. You don't force a meet up or get cold shouldered on her. Maybe if you lived by her you would stop by as your friend did (just to say hi of course ). You don't need to punish, just be cool with her and withdraw your attention if she flakes. When you do meet up flirt. Eventually she will go after what she wants if she knows your the type of guy who can provide it. Now this all assumes she hasn't ruled that out. Which you fucked up if you had a date already and didn't close, but from everything that you posted she is still keeping you in play.

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thanks for the good advice. in february i won't see her though..
i responded to her text with "hey, no, i don't believe we have a misunderstanding". she answered with "well, i believe we do, otherwise you wouldn't behave like that" followed by an extremely long message that i'll try to translate..:

"you know, it's just not like i don't care. i didn't respond to your message [referring to my text that suggested that we leave things behind] because i find it so difficult to communicate my thoughts via phone. i was really concerned to keep in touch, so did you of course, but it didn't work out that well. have you considered the possibility that it could work if we give it more time? and then i saw you with that girl the other night.. and i hope this is going to make you happy, honestly.. but still i'd really regret if we ended our contact like that! it just seems you're not really interested anymore and that makes me feel really sorry. i just think we could try - for us both - to get on in a positive way! but you know, maybe i got i t all wrong, i'd just like to know that you're good with everything and that we don't have lots of negative energy between us. that's all!"

what do you consider a good way to deal with that?

I think your ego is a bit too involved here. You think there girl is a lot more into you than she is, when in fact she's getting off of the attention that you give her. She doesn't actually like you, she likes the attention you offer. You're an orbiter.

This is proven by the consistency of her flakes. If she actually liked you, she would be there with you when it was time to hang out.

You should've stuck to your original plan. You admitted you got "weak", now you must do the opposite of what you did to get weak to be strong. Let her go.

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hey reas0n how did things go this past week?

hey buddy, it's a never ending story. i was trying to avoid her and the topic for about a month. she wouldn't let go though, in feb we still had an ongoing discussion and when we met again at the uni it didn't get any easier of course. we met at two different concerts this week. the second time i was there with another girl and she was constantly checking what i was doing with her. after a while when the girl left she came close to my table, finally took a seat right next to me. we then had a fun evening and ended up with an agreement to go for a beer on the following evening. she told me she had a rehearsal and was free after, so i told her to hit me up when she was done. should have been around 9 or 9:30. by 11:30, after not hearing of her for 2 hrs, i called her. she wouldn't answer. 5 mins later she texted me

"hey! i'm about ready now! what about you? i'm actually pretty done, are free tomorrow morning? otherwise we meet tonight"

i didn't see any sense in meeting her, cause she obviously tried to escape from our agreement and only when she felt under pressure she would text me. i was especially pissed that she tried to make it look like her rehearsal took 2 hrs longer than she thought when in fact she only texted me because of my call. by 1 am she called me twice. in the morning she texted me "reas0n?" and in the afternoon she wrote me on whats app "tell me, what's wrong?".

i really don't feel like responding any more, seems just like this was too much. i don't wanna hear her stupid excuses as well. i know she finally came up with a proposal to meet, but i certainly don't want to agree with the way of how she did. i know some people will propose to take it easy and be cool, but i feel i'd sell myself cheaply by doing this..

She better is a 10 to go through all this bullshit, flaking, mixed signals, boyfriend, drama...

My advice is to stop investing in her, her actions clearly states she is not ready for what you want but by replying to her "give it time" texts she gets the attention/drama that she wants but in return you get nothing.

I think if you stop responding and date other girls she will breakup with her boyfriend eventually, it does need time for her to realise there are cooler guys out there

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Nice update, even better response to this chick's bullshit. The way I see it the most beneficial ways you could handle this are:
1.) Hard next. No contact no even thought of anything with this chick, it's done.
2.) Soft next. Don't talk to her for a bunch of days like you are doing now. Don't mention anything or even being mad or the situation in any way. After 5-7 days, pitch a new meet just as if nothing happened. If she does anything less than say, "I'll be there then." Repeat and try again. This teaches her you don't acknowledge her bullshit and will only give her attention for showing up in the way you want. This works because attention means more to women than sex does.

_________________
D.W. Francis - College Takeover
http://www.pimp-o-nomics.com

Texting eBook
http://www.the-irresistible-man.com/tex ... ast-night/

Pickup On Fire Interview
http://pickuponfire.libsyn.com/podcast/ ... dw-francis

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

so is this a quote saying he real move already past? If she didn't want to meet up how would you get to this, dinner and a movie?