Gentlemen & Ladies,

I have been with my LTR now for 5 months, things are going great. We really get along and get closer the longer we are together. We recently booked a big overseas trip together 6 months away. So feeling fairly secure that she likes me quite alot. (She invited me on the overseas trip that she was already planning)

So to the nitty gritty, for the first few months in our LTR she seemed less prone to mood swings. In the last couple of weeks the amount of moods has seemed to increase. She has gotten into moods over petty things like me using her bath towel or me making borderline inappropriate jokes. Today she got annoyed when we went out for a cafe breakfast and when i found out she was paying i added an extra item to the order without asking if it was ok with her.

So in summary, we never really fight or argue but she get moods which can last an hr or two and be quite irritating.

She is an alpha female that doesn't show much emotion, she is a bit of a perfectionist. She is also very independent, non-needy & loyal.

Any tips on dealing with mood swings from a personality type like this? Or interested to hear from the experienced guys if these are shit tests at a point in the relationship where a stronger more meaningful bond if formed?

So far i normally just give her space when it happens and wait for her to come around without being influenced by her.

Now I might be wrong, but from my point of understanding you need to speak to her, and just listen to what she has to say.

There is always an explanation for behaviors like this, but what you don't need to do is fix her problems. You just need to hear her out and make her empowered by saying "I'm sure you can handle it" or " I know this is a rough patch, but I know you can go through this".

Unless there is a deeper meaning to her mood swings. But I like the explanation from Doc Love, just monitor the "Triangle" and find whats missing: Doc Love the system

There's no such thing as an "Alpha" female. And if there were such a thing, mood swings would not be a characteristic.

That aside, instead of doing what most guys do - which is start a logical argument, just ambush the problem.

Try this next time: "Look, I know this isn't about me adding an extra item to the paycheck. Tell me what's really making you feel <whatever she's feeling>"

Feel is the keyword. For example when a woman bitches to you that you're hanging out with friends again she doesn't really have a problem that you're hanging out with friends, she's simply feeling neglected.

Learn to read between the lines.

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Thanks RC, i will have a long think about what you have said.

When girl starts to act bitchy for stupid reasons, you just don't take her serious. Girls are emotional, if you let her throw you out of the orbit by complaining about silly stuff you are allowing her to dominate the relationship.

How would you react if a five year old kid starts to crying about things that are irrelevant? If conversation doesn't work, act towards her like to a five year old, you're the man in relationship, right?

And if that doesn't work, next her for a day.

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Come on dude..

You don't "next" your girlfriend. You don't treat your girlfriend like a 5 year old. You treat your girlfriend like a woman, by understanding most of her actions will be primarily driven by emotion.

Stupid reasons are just a pretext as I've already mentioned in my previous post. There's always a sub-layer.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

So you are against nexting your girlfriend? Ever...

_________________
Uncertainty is the root of all progress and all growth.

Yes.

It's fine to not talk to her if you feel she's in the wrong, but purposely trying to apply game tactics to your girlfriend will backfire in your fast real soon real bad.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

When a female is moody, it's a sign of how good you're doing. If a woman is pissed off with you for not cleaning the windows (for example) and then you do it and she's still mad, then that's obviously not what she was mad about in the first place.

As RC said, don't try arguing with logic and reason. Firstly any guy who genuinely understands women doesn't need to get into arguments with them, and secondly women are emotional beings - trying to use logic and reason is like them trying to persuade you to jump off a cliff because "it feels right" lol.

You need to sit her down and encourage her to talk about what the problem is. She'll take a while to warm up, probably throw a load of "it's nothing, I'm fine" at you, because she feels like she'll sound clingy and pathetic (personal experience) but you have to keep reassuring her. When she finally does talk about it, don't start cutting her off mid sentence to puke more logic on her. Don't be a push over but at the same time you need to keep talking it out until you hear something along the lines of "thanks, I'm glad we talked about this" and then you'll notice her mood will change, providing you actually stick to whatever the 2 of you agreed.

Just be grateful that she actually does get moody - you'd be in real shit if she stopped giving a fuck and was indifferent to anything you did.

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I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

I know, but when she throws tantrums, or being highly disrespectful or anything I would next her. I never said nexting is better that trying to talk to a girl, but greatest punishment one can give is to withdraw your attention. Because women crave attention more than anything.

If one sets this kind of frame early in the relationship she'll know what are the boundaries. And I can't think of any better argument but guys have difficult time saying no to gf and ignore her bs because of the scarcity mentality. Hence, if they allow shity behavior they won't respect their man. And if they don't respect the man, how can they love him?

I really believe that you understand the point I'm trying to convey here, but we are looking at it from different angles and imagine different situations in which one can utilize this I guess.

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Uncertainty is the root of all progress and all growth.

Excessive. All you have to say is "Look, I won't stand for that. If there's a problem then sit down and we'll talk about it. You've got my attention, so let's fix this maturely"
If you're punishing your woman then there's no wonder she'll be having tantrums - treat her like a child and she'll act like one
You can show your boundaries without "punishing" her. Don't be a pick up artist.

This bit is right. The difference is that if you truly understand women, you wont have to get strict and use game and punishments to stop your girlfriend pissing you off.

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I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

Lol... Both of you above are wrong.

OP is doing stupid shit.

If someone is pissed that you ordered more on their bill then money is an issue. If you know your gf is concerned about her money, it's dumb and rude to order something additional on her bill. If you're gf gets mad for you using her towel then that's not some surprise that she's that kinda chick.

This is dumb shit to get mad at but it's dumb shit to do in the first place. Especially 5 months in.

The reason I say both of you are wrong is because in this case, if you next after doing some dumb shit it's no big deal for her. And if OP were to stand up and communicate.. She'd probably break down why his actions were stupid and he'd lose there.

From what's written here op is pissing her off but it is his fault. I'd say communicate on her moods if you knew you were in the right but it sounds like you need to watch your actions and think.

This. I'll say it again. This.

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Yes it's his fault. This is where communication is key, where she gets it off her chest rather than slowly taking jabs at him over the next few months and ruining their relationship. He can say he's sorry, or pick up on where he thinks she's being unreasonable and talk it out.

I may or may not be wrong (opinion) but I'm just talking from my own experiences. I don't particularly see an alternative... the 2 options are "talk to her and sort it out" and "don't talk to her" so I'm going with talk to her.

Edit: I just want to add that I've only skimmed the original post, because I've seen similar topics hundreds of times. I cba to read it in full detail so I'm not denying that I could be wrong. I'm just assuming he fucked up and people are suggesting he punishes his girlfriend for not responding positively to his mistakes.

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I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

For the record when I said you 2 were wrong I was saying I disagree but jokingly.


If money was tight for me and my gf knows that and orders something extra, I can rightfully be pissed, because she should have common sense and consideration about my finances. A friend of mine recently got laid off, if we went out and he offered to buy a round of drinks, it would be rude of me to order something that would piss him off. Also, if I'm with a chick for 5 months, if I'm not the type of guy who would share a towel with her, she would know that a month in. These kinds of things can piss someone off because you're not thinking. These may be petty shit to get pissed about, but after a few months you should know what her situation is and what she reacts to, so if you're still triggering that it's your fault.

On nexting...its not a good thing. If a girl is throwing tantrums (emotionally immature), and being disrespectful to you (she doesnt respect you), nexting, even at its best, just gets her to BEHAVE around you. You hide the real problems. If she's emotionally immature, sure...she'll remember not to throw a tantrum around you so she wont get nexted again. But she's STILL EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE. So when she has an issue, she'll respond in an immature manner. She wont communicate with you. If she's mad at you, instead of throwing a tantrum, she'll text her ex bf. If she disrespects you, she doesnt respect you. And if she didnt respect you after spending time with you and getting to know you, then a few silent days isnt going to make her respect you. She'll just disrespect you behind your back. So you next her, she chases you back to talk, things go fine, but she doesnt respect you still. So when that guy hits her up to go to dinner, she goes. This is the game these kinds of girls play. They win in the end. The only way to deal with them is to recognize red flags and walk away. Cant tell you how many girls have hit me up when their bf is playing the he's not picking up his phone game after a fight. Dont play games with women who you have an emotional connection with. Because women win those games in the end. They can rationalize their actions better than you. They can get sex easier than you. And they can hide guilt and be sneakier than you can ever be.