Is This a Group to Cut?

I've been going to this bar for about 4 years now, since coming back to the DC area, and pretty well know most of the staff, but more importantly, the regulars.

I remember it from years ago which is why I picked it; I had always had a great time, and they serve hookah!

I've settled on it as "my spot" and a bar I enjoy, whether there're available girls there or not (most overwhelmingly NOT)

Even with the level of familiarity that I have, this took *years*, I couldn't do this with several bars; I can't be everywhere in 4 years.

Conventional wisdom holds that if you go to a bar long enough, you'll get to know this core group of people that go to it regularly, which I did, but they never really got welcoming to me like they are with each other.

They're really cliquey and go way back, but I learned that they only have known each other as long as I've been going.

But I'm talking hot staff giving other dudes the time of day; one will come by and put her arm around some dude and cuddle with him for a second; they're not together.

The bar manager, etc was turning 30, she's hot, had a little entourage out with her (I knew them all when I walked in; they had all texted each other to meet; "hey it's Stephanie's birthday, come out". I was not texted, I just happened to be there.) She asks for a people to get pictures of her in her hot dress to send to her.

I get my phone ready and she says "NOT YOU ROB!!!"

I'm beginning to think this was a defining night.

I know the whole thing about "no this is the bar I've chosen to chill at, screw who likes me, wants me in their social circle or not; this is where I chill"

But I'm finding myself getting home now from the place, $60 poorer and wondering "what the fuck did I get out of that?"

Should I spare myself the humiliation and just say "screw that place and those people"?

What do you guys think?

On a second note, and I don't know if this is a DC/Northern Virginia thing, but is female bar staff generally pretty distant with you.

Unless I've laid years of groundwork, I'll walk into a bar, be the only person there; the girl will take my order, give me my drink, then go over and stand at the far end of the bar and just stare straight ahead.

Does bar staff normally at least linger and shoot the shit with you?

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You need to engage with the staff and build more rapport with them. If you don't initiate the conversation and build commonalities with them, they usually won't make the first move unless you've already built enough investment with them over time. Building social proof with the staff within the venue that is not busy is a great opportunity as you will have more time to game them. Qualify them and reward them for their investment. Do that enough times and they will recognize you and enjoy being around you.

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Dude, I've been doing this a while. I noted in my post that I have frequented this one bar for 4 years. I know all about the opportunity and how they enjoy being around you if you make great conversation and all of that BS

What I'm saying is I don't think all areas are treated equally when it comes to bars... Because I've been in a lot of places where you try to make conversation and you put in the effort and the girl will give you a quick answer and just go back to her little area even though there's nobody else there, you think it's just that one bar so you go to other bars in that town and get the same thimg: and then you wonder if it's an issue of your region.

Of course you engage the staff and build rapport... what are you doing, going there and sitting like a bump on a log, like some social retard sipping a beer and looking down?

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You're worrying about the bar staff and not all of the other women in different bars and clubs all throughout the city?

Don't get too attached to one place, just as you shouldn't get too attactched to one woman. Once you do that, they begin to take you for granted and treat you different.

Find a few spots that you like and rotate between them. Theres definitely more.

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I had my own "Cheers" I chose it due to the proximity to my apartment.

Long story short, I started bringing my conquests there as a last bounce before pound town.

That's when I seemed to be 'in'. I since banged two hot bartenders there.

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I have one of those too, but I rolled solo there too many times when I moved into that apartment that my social proof with the hot bartenders there has got to be shot. One goes out of her way to be rude to me because she's a snooty bitch and turned me down when I asked her out elsewhere.

I could bring in models and I don't see my "fuckability" to them just turning around and letting me take them home.

But yes, it's a good spot for a second venue hop, basically if I can kiss her there, she's coming upstairs with me.

Whether or not the fuck actually happens (it might be a first date she has hang ups about, etc) doesn't really matter because a whole lot more fun stuff will be happening anyway.

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If you feel like you're putting in the work to build social proof and you're not getting the results you want, then either change your approach or try building social proof in another bar. Test if it's your approach or the venue that's not giving you the results. If all you are doing is building rapport and it's not working, try breaking rapport to get some investment and then give her a chance to regain herself by qualifying her. Having girls with you to build preselection will definitely help.

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That Adam Lyons breaking rapport crap is no good for me. Although it'll get is girls telling you "did you learn that line from THE GAME????"

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Mistake. I wouldn't even do this if I knew this employee wanted to fuck me.

I go into a place 3 to 4 times a week. I've fooled around with half the bartenders. The other half hate me, along with half the server staff and the manager who is seriously dating one of the bartenders who I've flirted with for a year.

I bring my dates there, and it only makes things more hilarious. But the place produces big time for me. I'm 40, and the girls I pull there are in their early to mid 20's. I keep extremely physically fit and follow a low carb diet. Most guys, when they get into their 30's all look the same - ball caps, an extra 30-40 pounds, pale, bloated, mom jeans, sneakers, sports team sweatshirts. It just looks bad and girls will run.

"Hired guns" at bars/restaurants are usually 7's to 10's. Unless you're attractive or a celebrity, you're going to have a tough time.

If you aren't able to make any of the staff smile, it's probably not them.

If you are crushing on staff, find women in other places and bring them there for the first meet up or more. It definitely works.

I hook up with bartenders, and they always joke abut older dudes who: 1. never say anything and just stare at the tv's 2. guys who never are with women or who don't talk to women at the bar.

If there's an employee you want, hit her up right away. Don't become the creepy "stare guy" who ogles them for months but doesn't have the balls to go for what he wants. They will respect you more.

I've done this myself (not at my current place), and I rectified it by bringing three dates to a place in one week. That seems to have a "cleansing" effect. And more.

A favorite locale is never "lost". It's all about how you show up. You can only control yourself.

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This is a great post and really inspiring, but what do you do about alcohol? If you want to stay in shape and keep a cut, trim face, don't you need to stay away from that stuff? Since most of the interactions are happening in bars, how do you get around that?

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I don't drink alcohol, and haven't for 15 years. It helps you look younger.

But I like it, and think it's good in moderation, just not my thing.

I order water, coffee , or food. If a bartender offers to buy you a drink, make it a diet Coke or something. You can also get a sprite with lime and pretend it's a whiskey sour.

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A lot of these girls do tend to be social value whores though, and if you come in by yourself more than once in a row, you're done.

How do you rectify that? It sounds like don't go back until you have dates to bring.

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Poodogr, every post youve made in this thread reeks of pessimism.

Simple:

If its a bar you enjoy, just go, forget the regulars
If you dont enjoy going there and its no longer fun, find a new place.

There are so many bars in D.C....You're over complicating this.

We see posts in here a lot of times from guys in bands who are using playing a show as the crutch and as the only time they are able to meet new women.

I suspect the same has happened for you when it comes to this bar.

For example if you were to meet a woman somewhere other than the bar and you ended up getting with her, and then the next day you were to go in to this bar, your demeanor would probably naturally be a whole lot different than it may have been without having been with the woman the day before.

You would see that you don't have to rely on the bar for a damn thing, and you would be there because you want to be there.

HOWEVER, I don't feel like the people at this bar are treating you that great. On the other hand, maybe you're not putting out fun vibes when you're there, that I do not know.

From what you've said if it were me I would stop going there, or at least stop until I realized I didn't need to go there but rather that I genuinely wanted to go there.

Relying on one venue can quickly spiral as opposed to being open to expanding your social life everywhere you go.

I don't understand. Why does one need to make friends with the staff? Sounds like the cheesiest thing.