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Joined: Mon Sep 13, 2010 4:50 pm
Posts: 541 | Quote: Quote: Quote: I've never read anything so sad. I genuinely believe that either OP's girlfriend has his head properly tied up with hoodoo or whatever kind of love/domination spell (laugh at me if you want, or Google it if you want, idc). OP has literally been reduced to the level of a dog, loyal to a cruel master.
If it's not that, then OP is by nature a passive man.
We are on a spectrum of behaviors and physiology. A lot of women are not the ultra-feminine "ideal". A lot of men are not the ultra-masculine "ideal". OP will never get that amazing high testosterone you guys are hoping for. Because that's simply not who he is.
OP CAN find an assertive but caring woman, who will make him happy while not treating him like garbage. Unfortunately he will never find that woman because he's stuck on this other female who has him wound around her little finger.
Which brings me to the first question everyone should be asking. Why is he incapable of forming the most basic good judgement, and pulling himself away from a bad woman, no matter what anybody tells him? He seems unable to do so, to an abnormal degree. Call me "superstitious" or whatever you want. I have seen this happen over and over again.
I read all your posts, for those who think I am just 'trolling' which is a fucking gay word to even associate with me, Im not. Im actively trying to better myself, and I obviously know I seem to be the problem because I AM capable of getting great women, however deep down I know I have a problem because it seems to end the same way. I'm trying to reach out and better myself by talking to people and reading books.
However, I presume 'young lady' is a chick, and I appreciate your opinion. Truthfully. You write 'i could find an assertive but caring woman, who will make me happy while not treating me like garbage, but that i won't find her', the truth is I do think that woman was her, but I always give too much thinking that being the good guy will make her love me more or whatever benefit I think it would do, but it does the opposite. I become needy, jealous, even though I have every right to not be.
You obviously don't know me, but I have every reason to be confident, hell a bit cocky, I joke around all the time with friends when I am in a good mood and often or not am the center of attention in the right way, but that has become so rare because of my mindset and how I feel due to this.
Hell last night, she lost one of her hats and I said she is the clumsiest person I know because she has lost shit in the past, she calls me a fucking retard idiot hangs up on me and we haven't spoken since and you won't me to paste all of the convo? I posted only her part before because that was her being rational at best, half the time it's me being called a fucking idiot retard cunt.
Yes when I go over to her house, I want her parents to respect me, but they do, its over a year now im with her, her dad loves me and her mum does too although they are a bit iffy about me sleeping over, we had sex the first night i came over, and two nights later she says 'no im tired' on fucking new years day and you're asking me to respect it. I do, i fully do, she doesn't want to have sex no problem, but the shit she pulls, right before i am about to massage her or eat her out she says 'im tired'. Hell she asks for a massage, which I do, which mostly leads to sex, she gets her massage and then says I am tired after it.
I'm obviously very weak with boundaries, I thought I wasn't, with friends if they piss me off I say don't want to talk to you and they often come to me because I have a good sense of what is wrong or right, but with her, I question EVERYTHING. I met up with an old girl friend today who is absolutely beautiful who is now married (25), and we spoke, and she literally said it's sad to see I am in limbo because i dont know what I am working towards, yes I am in an MBA program now but after then what? She can drag me in any direction.
R.C, I value your posts, I have read. First of all, shame you feel ashamed being same gender as me as I can guarentee you a few months ago you would have been proud, however, reading posts day in and day out you more than anyone should understand even a man on top of a mountain can shortly after slip, fall, crash and be at the bottom of it. The case for me is maybe different, I think a girlfriend for me is a distraction from the real issue, I feel like I haven't really done anything for me. It's sad, but the truth is, I feel like I have a best friend in her, she even says 'youre my best friend, I love you'. Fights to her arent that big of a deal, but we fight so much it bothers me, it shouldnt be like that. I often think, maybe it's my fault, but I know she is so stubborn and extremely tough that she can be unfair.
Often or not in a fight right after it happens, I say wow, what a bitch I dont even want to talk to her for 2 days or so, I go home, realize I am quite lonely, or the girls around me dont interest me, and I miss her. She has friends, guys around her who live one floor above and below, on a sports team herself and is so driven, it intimidates me. I admire her for how nothing phases her. Not even me, her boyfriend.
I've read many books, ive been at the top, definitely feel like I am at the bottom now, I know what you are all thinking. Wow, what a sad man. Probably also, 'nothing we can do to help this guy', I just know if I get a sniff of something that drives me, or gets me more control in the relationship, essentially which all I want, is for her to care more, I would keep going in that direction. I have tried so many things. I give up.
If she did leave me. Yes, id be distraught, probably depressive, and crumble. Sad for a guy who people have said to him so much they look up to him, had been asked to be three best mans at wedding, use to be driven, motivated, and is now just fucked by a 20 year old girl.
Look buddy, I understand you're hurting right now. You want to fix things.
Unfortunately, life isn't convenient. I can't bring someone back from the dead. And you can't fix this relationship.
The sooner you get that through your head, the sooner you move on, and the sooner you realise you DESERVE better, then the better.
But if you keep wallowing in your depression, or keep looking for people to pat you on the back and share sympathy for how tough you have things, then things won't get better.
You deserve better. Tell yourself that. Believe that. And stop looking for a pity party. Stop looking backwards. Right now the only place you can go is UP, but you won't get there by clinging to this chick who's obviously wearing you down.
Do it for your own mental health. People go through tougher challenges every day. I'm sure you have. Breaking up is only difficult because you THINK it's difficult. The sooner and quicker you do it, the better.
Of course, it's gonna hurt like hell. But you need to do it anyway.
Truthfully, reading all these posts makes me very emotional. I constantly get told here, 'you are pathetic', 'I am ashamed to be same gender as you', 'he won't get an assertive woman who will be nice to him', 'OP is this... OP is that...', and then you tell me - 'tell yourself you deserve better, believe that'. I talk to someone in this exact forum thread everyday, trying to better myself. If you want to know EXACTLY what goes on, I will proceed to show you EXACTLY the goings on of today so you don't think I am some weak little bitch with no back bone. We are both currently in Europe now on holiday and tomorrow morning she leaves back to College, and I leave a week later, us being an hour away in college. My dad has been asking me if I am going to her house tonight for dinner, or staying with the our family. I was waiting to ask her to hopefully ask her family about me coming over because knowing how fucking annoying her parents are they would probably make an excuse, or she thinks they will, I waited for her response before i told my dad anything.
To give a little bit of the scenario, last night we got in a little fight and had not spoken until today. She forget things, loses things, so I called her clumsy and she said I was being rude and not helping the situation, she hung up on me and called me a dick. Today, when she called, she was in a positive mood as I was hoping to put it behind us. We spoke for a minute and then she was on her computer and ignoring me kind of, she said she was looking for something to buy (running watch). Whenever I am on the computer, she says get off, I do get off because it can be rude when on the phone with someone. I was trying to figure out the plans for tonight, my dad was screaming up the stairs asking me if he needs to buy me food or not (she heard this), she basically ignored my question about tonight and then ordered me on a run with her - "now its your plan to go on a run when are we", "lets go on a run", I then said we can discuss that after we figure out our plans tonight, she then hung up on me and said I was being rude.
This is what followed, her and I replies on Facebook:
Me after she hung up on me: Its a shame you act like this on your last day, when I am trying to make plans to see if I can see you beyond a run. Im beyond sick of you hanging up on me, enjoy your day, and your run, if you want me to come over and have dinner or plan something with me, let me know, but beyond that im done putting up with you when you act so seflish and rude like that when you stare at your computer screen, ignore me, then order me to go on a run with me.
She then called me back without replying to this message, in that phone call nothing got solved, i defended my stance and she tried to spin it around on me, saying "ofcourse you are making my last day about you, you are so rude, I didn't order you on a run". I replied, I stood my ground, she then said, 'Okay this is ridiculous youre being a dick I'm going to go", and hung up on me. I then wrote this on facebook:
Let me break this down for you. You always have a problem if I am on my computer when we talk on the phone, you ask me to get off, I do, I asked the same as you, you ignored me. I told you I'm trying to organize my plans tonight because I would like to see you, my dad is asking me so he can plan his food because he is going to shop for it, you heard him yell, I then asked you about it. You ignored the question, for some reason ordered me on a run with you, and when I asked about dinner when you went back to your computer, hung up on me. Simply put, it was rude, disrespectful, I'm not okay with it. If you're going to treat me like that today I won't be seeing you. This is not about me, I was trying to figure out dinner and my plans later tonight before we figure out a run. I did this FOR YOU so I can spend time WITH you. But what was I thinking, you aren't rational, you know it, you have asked me a thousand times to get off my pc when I'm in the middle of math homework or replying to homework and now all of a sudden because it's you it's different. I'm sick of it.
I'm not putting up with it anymore.
She replied: Good for you. I hope you think this was worth it.
See you in a week or two
I tried to call back and you threw it in my face.
Tell your dad you will be eating there tonight
I didnt reply for a while, she then "I am going on a run in 10-15 minutes, if you want to join". Me realizing she leaves tomorrow, I decided to swallow my pride, and replied: sure, I'll meet you under the bridge, my dad has the car. We discussed a time...
I met her under the bridge, to which the first thing she said was 'why did you stop running you could have run further to me, jeezish', i ignored it, we ran side by side quietly, i offered her her gloves back that were hers that i borrowed she said keep them. Towards the end of the run, it was a bit better, she put her finger out for me to kiss it, I joked around, saying that its probably been up her ass knowing you, she laughed, we then got to the point where she turns left, I turn right. She said she was going to do the harder run today which is near her house, i replied 'i would have loved to do it with you', to which she asked if my dad could pick me up if i went with her on that extended hard run. I said no he has the car and is out, but i can come back to yours after the run. She replied, nope i told you earlier you arent coming. I replied, if you would have told me that way earlier when my dad asked during the first phone call this would have saved a whole argument ,i then said, it probably saves you asking your parents for me to come over for dinner as I am sure that was another reason you did not want to ask them, saves you doing so and this is a nice excuse for you... (her last night here she would think her parents want to spend with her, which is fine, i just wanted to know earlier if i was coming or not before this all happened - which she is now using as an excuse for me to not come and ask). We approached the end point of the run where we part ways, she goes left to her home i go right to my home, I slowed down and stopped to in my mind hug, kiss, and say goodbye to her as she leaves early tomorrow morning and apparently I am not seeing her later tonight. She ran right passed me, without looking back, said 'have a nice evening'. I stood there, looking at her run away, without turning or looking back, not believing her... how in her mind she is so fucking convinced she is always right or in the right, how she has no sympathy. I just walked home. Came on here, read all your replies, feeling absolutely just a pathetic excuse of a man who knows boundaries, tries to implement them, and gets squashed, feeling worse.
She forgot her gloves (small deal), but she will make it a big deal when she realizes it and will sarcastically say thanks for giving me my gloves back... she will MAYBE offer to come over later to say goodbye to my mum as in a group text they mentioned it... however im just so mad about the run, today, everything, and i know she will turn around and say 'what, we are on a run i dont want to stop or talk' if I mention it, and spin it like that on me and not make it a big deal. Now I ask myself, is it that big of a deal, am I over reacting, when I feel like she is an utter piece of shit for doing the things we do. Oh and yes, we often stop and kiss goodbye or talk a bit before we leave each other on a run. See, already I question myself.
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