I would of already taken the paisley print dress shirt she got me for X-mas, wipe my ass with it, show her, toss it on the lawn, tell that is how I feel, go down to the pub, get drunk as a prom date, and rubbed my dick in the guts of the 1st willing harlot.

But that's just me, and I can't even fold towels properly.

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The outcome of this will be ''IT JUST HAPPENED''

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Someone's been reading what I wrote on the first page of this post.

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Ok, well thanks for the support, those of you who have been constructive. Talking about how you think things will go down, really heavily drastic approaches or negative predictions for years later aren't helpful or particularly motivating to read.. Sometimes it like reading "ohh, she dropped her pen did she.. ditch her, she is disrespecting you because she knew she would have to bend down to get it and she knew another guy would be looking, which means she is a tart and she will cheat!!", take a step back, think about how you would REALLY react in my situation and then post..

Anyway, I spoke to her about it, said I didn't mind her meeting him for a coffee to catch up, but cocktails or anything more than that is too much. She agreed and focused the conversation around our relationship in a positive light. It wasn't weird/awkward, I timed it well and it was short and to the point.

I'm pleased with the outcome, so thanks to those of you that offered constructive advise, you know who you are. It's a shame you have to wade through the shite to get to the good advice.

Why would anyone be fine with letting their girlfriend or boyfriend meeting up with an ex.

These are people they had sex with. Do you know how easy it is to have sex with someone you had sex with before, because you are comfortable with them, you've seen them naked before, you've fucked, etc.


If a dude inviting an ex for "coffee", it's more than likely going to be more than just coffee. That dude on the other end is trying to have sex with your girlfriend again.

This has nothing to do with insecurity. It's about respect, that dude on the other end is being disrespectful by trying to get with his previous girlfriend, who is now with OP.


that being said your girl sounds she is great, but don't trust the guy.



It just throws me off when an ex that hasn't been really in touch, decides that they want to get in touch again.

That's a bad sign, he has bad intentions.

I wanted to comment on this point before but it got lost somewhere. What was alarming to me as your replies continued on this thread was that you are so afraid in this relationship that you changed your mindset to suit her. Initially, you were concerned that she was even MEETING with an ex for coffee...then it began changing to well no the cocktails are the problem. Lets be real; your issue is that you wanted her to say no to the meetup...your issue is that you're uncomfortable with her even meeting her ex.

This is what makes you uncomfortable. All this "I GUESS coffee would be ok" and "I SAID coffee was ok"...come on man...all you did was just pussyfoot around what was bothering you. Instead of saying the truth ie; "I wish you had told him no because thats inappropriate and I dont think exs should meet for coffee" you put yourself last and changed what you wanted. You're so concerned with not appearing controlling, or an awkward/weird conversation, you (no offence) bitched up. As I said, if you didnt have a problem with her meeting for coffee, fine...but you did/do. As Cross said in the beginning "be a man congruent with your opinions."

When I questioned how things would turn out, it was because I thought you were actually going to be honest with her....not "kinda" honest. I thought you were going to be honest with her how her actions bothered you, and you were not ok with meeting exs...I didnt know you'd pretend you were ok with something you weren't.

I dont know what her meeting her ex for coffee means...I dont know if she will fuck him...I dont know if she wont. Hence I never mentioned that. What I do know is you're uncomfortable with something and was too afraid to call it out. Maybe you're more happy now that you avoided conflict or appearing controlling...and obviously that means more to you than stating your opinion or calling out stuff you dont agree with. That's you...and I just wish you had the fortitude to state YOUR HONEST opinion. The ease that she can have her ex tell her he doesnt want to be disrespectful, and her response is "We can meet" ie she'll be disrespectful, is telling. She knows she doesnt have to discuss it with you before accepting. She knows you wont state your opinion. She knows she can show you her messages with her ex inviting her and a friend for cocktails and you wont say "wtf....you really that stupid to go to coffee with a dude trying to invite you to his place?!"

Sigh...I'm not meaning ti be harsh; just honest.
Again, my whole issue is that you were uncomfortable with something and didnt say it. I'm saddened from seeing guys on here in these relationships where they cant even say what they want. Fuck cheating or whatever. It's sad to see men so afraid to anger, piss off or lose these girls. And meanwhile, she's fully confident in showing them she accepted an invite from an ex as if openness beats the simple respect you deserve to even ask if you're ok first.

The good advice was to say your opinion. I dont know who told you to change your opinion and hide how you felt to then pat yourself on the back that something was accomplished.

Even if the ex's intentions aren't to get with her, this entire issue is about respect. The reason the girl didn't react negatively is because she still is going to be meeting Mr. Ex.

Now, after engaging in an activity that he has already described as disrespectful, I'm sure Mr. Ex will be Mr. Respectful once he has her out for coffee, and won't try to segue back to his place....for instance maybe he makes an amazing cup of coffee as part of his newly acquired mixology skills. She may think "well my bf did say no to mixed drinks, but he didn't say anything about coffee, so I guess it's ok, plus I'm feeling good and this is fun, ok why not."

Because women are generally led by emotion and men are generally led by logic, the other posters have a good point in saying The outcome of this will be ''IT JUST HAPPENED"

Or it could be a purely innocent catch up sesh.

Regardless, it should have been extremely self evident to her that in a monogamous relationship it wouldn't be seen as favorable to go get drunk at the ex's place for example. The fact that she didn't point this out in the course of reading his FB messages out loud to you is a massive question mark.

One of the first things I learned in the 'pickup community' many years ago was to have a willingness to walk away from a woman whether you're first meeting her or in a relationship. When you are willing to walk at any time, you are not afraid to say how you really feel and to expect the women in your life to live up to your standards, just as you should be expected to live up to their standards. This generates the respect of the women in your life.

Ah ok, so those of us who have the balls to stand up to our women and say no, are just being petty for having the nerve to advise you to also be a man? Lol, whatever.

How the fucking hell in the name of all things pussywhipped, is "I'm gonna go for "coffee" with my ex boyfriend, then we're gonna go drink cocktails" the same as "shit, sorry, dropped my pen" ...this is your justification for why you're a bitch and should remain a bitch. I'm sorry, but it is. Don't try to make out that we're in the wrong because we'd be able to say no, when you'll be back in a few weeks when you suddenly realise that she's planning to see him again, and again, and again AAAAND you're dumped cause she fucked the life out of him.

^ Not sure why that pissed me off so much, but you definitely hit a nerve.

Good luck with the situation. Accept responsibility.

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It's called confidence.

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Guys, I dunno. While I understand why OP may be getting a bit of shit, I think it may be getting out of hand.

I think what OP was really asking was - am I being unreasonable for how I feel? And I think it was a valid question.

IS there some level of insecurity? Quite possibly. I don't think OP should be castigated for double checking to see whether or not he's reasonable to allow his GF to have coffee with his ex.

Hell, there are plenty of exes/women who've been interested in me who I've met up with even when I was with someone else, and it didn't lead to sex any of those times, because I knew and respected boundaries i set.

If OP is confident that his girl knows and appreciates the boundaries set, then I can't see why going for coffee ONCE would be a problem.

Sometimes we let emotions cloud our rational thinking, and I think OP simply wanted a concensus to figure out whether or not this was happening to him. That's all.

Yeah choc but he got those replies way early in the thread and asked how to bring it up. Most told him if he had a problem with it bring it up. He proceeded to lie to her... Whose advice was it to do that?! He wanted to know if he was reasonable. And he got viewpoints ranging from I'd be fine with it... Or I won't because last chick cheated on me the same way. So he got viewpoints. But everyone told him to tell her the truth ie he has a problem with them meeting. Not lying to avoid her thinking xy or z.

Ok I will have the throw my hat in the ring here for fun haha.

As a few of the posters in this thread are aware I just got out of a 2 year relationship with a girl who is a "insecure party girl." Here is what I have learned:

I think we need to understand which "type" of girl your GF is... (maybe i miss this somewhere but who knows).

Is she a party girl? Is she a good sweet soul who is secure? Is she super insecure? Does she have a history of doing shady things?

These questions would help you feel more secure or insecure about the "Ex".

I.E. If shes a party girl who thrives on attention and validation and she wanted to meet up with an ex "even for coffee"
would inform me she isnt serious about respecting me. We next her ass or just keep her as a FB.

If shes super secure and a good girl who would trust 100% then seeing an ex is just like her seeing her best GF... she hasnt disrespected us and the situation is totally different.

****Also, lets play devils advocate and flip the script on this girl.... What if YOUR EX wanted to meet up with you right now for coffee... would you meet up with her?

My understanding of catching up would be meeting an old school friend after 15 years to reminise and talk of times past or a family member to discuss dead relatives or discuss old times /shared memories---COMMON EXPERIENCES/information of interest.

What do you reminise with an ex about.??

your GFs EX---''Hay do you remember that trip we took to california and we stopped off at that motel and the receptionist charged us for breaking the bed we were humping on and the cleaning bill for all the rubbers we left lying on the floor''

Your GF '' hay yeah that was awsome''

YGF'SEX '' hay babe do you remember that Japanese restraunt we used to always go too. well it expanded and has more trade now''

YGF '' oh yeah that place was the best you had great food taste, i miss that place, must go back some time''



But hay the OP doesnt wanna feel insecure, so why listen to my shit.

Come back in 2 months and tell us how rock solid your relationship is