How do you feel about it? Is it a big deal?

If you keep thinking this, you're not ready for that conversation. This is the same thing as saying, "I want to say something, but I'm afraid I'll lose her." If she's adamant about meeting with her ex for any reason then she is going to give you shit for bringing it up, no matter how you approach it. Have the conversation and don't be emotional...that's it.

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I guess I don't really mind her meeting up with him for a coffee, but meeting up again after that or for a cocktail just seems a bit much.

JackZero: Yea, I guess that makes sense. Hadn't really thought of it like that.

"Listen, I don't want to be an ass, but I've been thinking about your ex messaging you and its fine if you want to catch up over a coffee, but any more than that just feels a bit too much"

I like to know what I'm going to say in conversations like this so I don't miss my point (this is with anyone, not just girls), so I think that's why I'm overly concerned with it.

neo87: I've just randomly been reading posts on the forum that are semi relevant for inspiration and I actually stumbled across another one of your posts that I thought was really well worded (quite brutal, but true) and unfortunately probably relevant..

IMO her ex had it right because to me it is disrespectful also. He played it perfectly because he did a takeaway which resulted in her saying "no it's ok."

I've had scenarios in the past where mutual close male friends of myself and a g/f of mine wouldn't agree to meet up with her 1-on-1 for lunch (which I would have had zero problem with) because they felt it would be disrespectful towards me (even after I informed them that I would be totally fine with it).
Right, because there are strict rules in society against transitioning from a coffee shop to the guy's place.

If you're going to address this you need to present it to her confidently and not in a sort of gingerly manner which is the vibe I get from your proposed scripts thus far: Convince yourself that you've had this exact situation before and your g/f at the time ended up respecting you even more when you presented your STANDARDS to her; convince yourself that it's the most normal thing in the world to have personal boundaries for what you will put up with (because it is). If she can't handle this perfectly reasonable boundary, there are plenty of women who will be more than happy to if LTRs are your thing.

Just tell her you're not ok with them meeting to mix drinks. Fucks sake, the dude made his intentions crystal clear. He wouldn't mention disrespect if his intentions were merely a friendly visit. That's the only argument you need.

She can do whatever she wants. You just don't understand why she would, since what he wants from her is painfully obvious.

Mentioned you reconsidered. You had a revelation. You... whatever. Just stop worrying about it.

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Unless you're as good as dtrak, there's no way you can really prevent any feelings being there. You can be indifferent to the situation, but that still wont prevent anything if you're just allowing her to go and meet up with him.

Trust her all you want, you'll still be checking your phone all night and probably excessively texting her because you know you've set yourself up for a "OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE! MY BOYFRIEND CANT FIND OUT!" next day realisation, lol. It's interesting to see how the majority of people who it wouldn't bother, are guys who actually know their shit. I see good points for both sides, but it's pretty obvious which side you're on...

When girls end relationships, they usually end up with the guy who their boyfriend was insecure about. For example my ex started talking to this guy a lot. She was quite innocent and naive, thought it was just a friendly thing and was probably fighting in her head about how he's "just a friend. I've got a boyfriend and he's just a friend" and then I know she went on a trip like 3 weeks after we broke up with some of her friends and he was there, I know they've met other times too but I'm not sure what's going on because I don't talk to most of my ex girlfriends anymore. Every girl has her friendzone populated with 99% fucking losers and then 1 or 2 back up plans.

Fuck that shit. How would she feel if you were gonna go and meet your ex? I'll give you a clue, in the most axiomatic way possible: She'd be fucking outraged, and sullen for the next year to the point that you could do nothing right, and never question her opinion without it being mentioned.

The biggest problem, though, is that you're too scared about HOW to say no. The best way to handle it would have been to ask questions in the way that brings her to say no and think it's her idea; "so, you're telling me that you want to meet your ex?" ...bla bla

From this point, I'd probably say your best 2 options are:

1. Say something along the lines of "I wanna come when you meet your ex, if that's cool" then you meet the guy, you're friendly to him, you don't try to make him look a dick (it'll only make him look better than you if you do). You want to fucking HOPE that he tries to make you look stupid. If he does, barely react. Just remain friendly, and give her the occasional look as if to say "get a load of this guy"

2. Just tell her you've had a change of heart, something doesn't seem right and you're not into the idea of her meeting up with her ex.

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Anybody think that regardless of how op tells her not to meet with him it won't negatively impact his relationship? I don't think this conversation will have a good end for him tbh.

He does not seemingly have experience with standing up for himself or setting boundaries. She basically told him "I'ma go get with my ex" and he said "ok babe." That is why I encouraged him to envision he has already successfully dealt with such a situation. That she was so open to this would have caused me to end the relationship on the spot because of the simple fact that I don't think it's cool to go on play dates with former sexual partners when in a relationship.

By the way OP: I like your thread subject "Girlfriend wants to meet up with old boyfriend for a coffee" - it is straightforward and to the point. If you do go ahead and address this with her, use the same succinct and no-nonsense approach you used when coming up with the topic of this thread

The relationship is already negatively affected because she disrespected him. A conversation is needed to get it back on the right track. Even if that means no relationship afterwards.

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Yeah that's kinda what I mean.. She's so open and doesn't see a problem with it that however he approaches bringing it up... Even perfectly.. She's gonna resent it.

Can't edit but how old are you op? How long ago was their relationship? This could be an OLD bf as in middle school or high school

It's better to be alone than being disrespected and in abusing relationship.

Confront her about it! We are waiting for the update.

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He has three choices:

1) Do nothing which will clearly lower his self esteem based on what he has said.
2) Confront her in the most self assured way possible.
3) End the relationship immediately.

I suppose he could look at a fourth option which I would not advocate of playing games and 'accidentally' running in to one of his ex's on facebook and inviting her out. I can see the conversation with the g/f now, "you won't believe this, what a coincidence.."