As most of you may know, (or hopefully you do) the absolute most unattractive thing in the world to women is neediness.

I had a realization today while I was at the gym. I was listening to Pandora and an ad came on talking about some bullshit live TV app being the cure to boredom and it made me think... That's what makes so many guys so fucking needy.

If you're bored, it's REALLY easy to be needy. Stop being so bored all the time and find some cool shit to do.

I agree with this 100% - back when I was the kind of guy to Google "tricks to get your ex back" I used to notice that I was at my weakest point when I had nothing else to do. I decided to work overtime for a while, take up some hobbies and set myself some goals, so that I'd always be thinking about something else.

I'd be in the gym and leave my phone in the car. I got a much more effective workout and had no urges to do something pathetic like put a gym selfie on my Snapchat story so that I could know if she saw it and get emotional because it never made her initiate and talk to me. It even got to the point that if I really had NOTHING to do, I'd force myself to watch videos online to educate myself on completely random subjects. For example I remember turning my phone off and leaving it downstairs, then coming upstairs with nothing but my laptop and some paper, to watch a full video talking about WW1... lol. As sad as it sounds, the benefits are quite obvious. You're not going to miss anything by going without your phone for an hour or ten.

I noticed more and more that when I had my shit together, I didn't have as much time to be so pathetic. I mean, can you imagine if Obama spent his days stalking his ex on Facebook? Hilarious thought, but it's never gonna happen, because he has a busy life with an insane amount of shit going on.

Another case of something similar to this: My friend went to jail once, and by the time he came out he was in love with my girlfriend, lol. Maybe this was some kind of boredom induced neediness?

The main problem is, when you're feeling all needy and depressed, you don't really want to do anything. That's where most guys fuck it up. "I'm too depressed over her to go to work today"

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Undoubtedly, this is a eureka moment. I have never thought of this before. It's so simple and yet at the same time, so insightful.

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This is actually kind of true. I mean you tend to be needy when you lack in some major area. Friends, hobbies, women, career. Whatever. And that leads to boredom I suppose.

Ofcourse you're bored when you have no friends and no girl on a Friday night.

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Not sure I necessarily agree. While boredom can certainly HEIGHTEN neediness there are plenty of needy people who are USUALLY quite busy.

Neediness comes from the lack (or perception of a lack) of better options.

There are plenty of busy rich execs who pine after young tail because they believe it's difficult to get.

There are also plenty of charismatic and charming unemployed or underemployed guys with plenty of time on their hands who have decent options.

You're confusing "successful" with "bored"

I've coached plenty of guys who are VERY successful (like top 10% income guys) and they are bored as fuck.

One of the guys I used to work with just told me he got canned from his 250k + commission job because he was spending too much time fucking around on Tinder.

His boredom with building his empire came off as needy and unattractive. So not only was dude not getting laid... he got his ass fired too.

Right? lol I mind fucked myself for a minute there for sure.

But do you have no friends and no girls because you're boring and always bored? It's a big paradox lol there are ways to not be bored by yourself. Plenty of them.

This is the main reason why guys need to continue approaching and talking to new girls every time. You do this even when you are in a LTR.

If you are talking to 2, 3 or more new girls each week, you give off the vibe " I am the coolest dude and I have options". Neediness is soo unattractive not just to women but also to guys who have their shit together.

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Agreed

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^ this! not sure boredom has much to do with neediness.... Very well put "lack (perception of a lack) of a better option"... Excellent...

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Neediness is a state of mind, not a state of being.

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Still don't agree that there's a cause and effect.

I don't think you're wrong in your assessment of the people you've coached - I just don't think they're necessarily representative of ALL people.

Neediness ALWAYS, and I repeat ALWAYS, comes from a belief, whether true or perceived, that
1. That person is the best you can get
2. You're at risk at losing that person

Even an insanely busy person, when faced with those two factors, will develop neediness. They MAY drop everything they are doing to fill that need, but that's after the fact, and not before.

If they're dropping everything, then they're not truly enjoying whatever it is that they're doing. Boredom still plays a part? Nobody would drop something they're truly enjoying and getting excited about, and I mean really excited... just to text a girl to see why she hadn't responded to them.

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I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

For sure. I get what you're saying. I like it. Constructive.

Let's keep this going...

What's the one thing that eliminates neediness then? Or, eliminating the "cause and effect" part of it, whats the "opposite" of neediness?

I'd have to say happiness. Agree?

A person should NEVER be the only or main source of someones happiness.

Happiness, is a cause and effect thing. You do something... it makes you happy. Right? The hard part for some people is not soley relying on other people for their own happiness.

Example... my girlfriend makes me happy. But so do a shit ton of other things. If she leaves me... I've got a ton of other things in my life that make me happy.

On the other hand, I also have other options for girls (ones that are a little too available sometimes) so that might have something to do with how "carefree" I am in regards to her leaving.

Whether or not they are "better" options though I'd have to debate... I literally had a girl look me in the eyes the other night in her bed and ask me if I'd ever want to have 2 girlfriends.

I could probably leave my girlfriend and be with her. Does that eliminate some element of neediness? Maybe.. but she's not a better option than my girlfriend (personal opinion)

I've got such bigger agendas on my mind that girls aren't really that important anymore. They are definitely a part of the picture but they are not THE BIG PICTURE.

Make sense? I'm not bored with my life... I'm not a millionaire. Nor I'm I the "busiest" guy in the world (I'd be lying if I say I don't waste time every so often. I don't really take life super seriously.) but I've got so much going on in my own reality that girls (or a girl) is not the only thing in life that I look forward to.

Non-neediness is the kid on the playground who cares more about winning the football game during reccess than he does about getting the girls. The girls all flock to him...

Lets keep this one going...