| Dear All,
This is my first post in over a year and a half or so. A year and two months ago I met this girl in Europe, stunningly good looking, athletic, plays sports, is quite popular and very witty. In all honesty, the whole package and extremely independent and confident in her decisions. I didn't think we would be anything at first, we would joke, be flirty, snapchat, talk, and it became something. She is in her first year of college, 19 years old, she doesn't drink, doesn't party, mostly talks to me on facetime, and I often see her every weekend. I am studying my masters, both of us in America only 1 hour away from each other. I won't explain the beginning romantic honey moon phase, but just know that lasted a while and it was good until now.
Being from Europe, I got recruited (looked at schools in America because of her) for an athletic scholarship at a University here. She goes to a good school close by. It is no secret that she has full control in the relationship and I am now totally whipped. It never used to be like that, I promise, but slowly and surely she started to implement her rules. All the girls on my snapchat list: deleted. Most of all the girls I followed on my instagram account: deleted. It started there, and then it started over time to get worse. In a way, I admire her for how someone can just not care, and honestly show that she is completely fine by herself. I would put up a good reason for every single girl on snapchat to not be deleted, but she is so smart and convincing that I think she could be a lawyer. Girls on snapchat would talk to me, or I had a thing with, or would message me flirty whilst I were with her needed to be deleted because 'they should be irrelevant', and other times she would take my phone and delete them herself and the same goes for my instagram.
Now, after our year anniversary, It has come to the point where she is rude to me on a daily basis, when we are on the phone and she doesn't like the topic of conversation or the points I make I get hung up on, she has no problem with 'okay byeee' hanging up even on a normal conversation, she doesn't care how she acts or how rude she can be and even tells me that to my face, she slaps me now and then across the face when I do something she does not like from small as gently grabbing her ass to forgetting to do something I said I would (and when I seriously say how that is a problem and I will not be okay with it she says I am the reason for her hitting me because of my immature behavior), I pay for everything, meals, dinner, lunch, snacks, without ever being offered anything in a financial manner, my bank is always being drained because of her, I drive every weekend to her paying gas money and more, and when she takes my car back, I pay for gas and tolls, she doesn't like sex and says it doesn't necessarily feel good to her and she uses it as a weapon against me saying "ill have sex with you if you.....". Today she threatened to break up with me if I don't do 'grow up and eat healthier and stop acting immature and going to bed late watching tv shows'. Last night we got in a fight and she said I could go out she doesn't even care, to make the situation not worse I stayed in with friends and ordered pizza and that is still 'a bad immature decision'.
If you read my past posts, I have great stories when it comes to girls, I have game, I've fucked around but I wanted something stable, I stayed off this site because I didn't want to play any games, I didn't want any posters calling me a pussy and saying she will break up with me any second because I can't take it anymore. Although I mention many negative things, there are positives to how funny she can be, how cute she can be, how caring she can be and how she wants to see me and says sweet things and holds my hand and kisses me on campus and tells me she loves me and makes me laugh. We are very comfortable and literally have no boundaries. We talk everyday, except the past two days we have barely spoken at all and it kills me. I guess I am not the best boyfriend because I don't trust her fully (my dad cheated on my mum and 6 months into the relationship I found out she snapped her ex topless and we almost broke up but she promised to not do something like that again and she hasn't), I always want to know what she is up to, who she is with, what she is doing, and I through my own insecurities fuck myself over and then I look at the above at what I have written and what she does to me and it hurts to read it and how I put up with it.
I am not some little bitch normally who gets fucked around, but I don't know what to do anymore. If this was my friend I would say back off, don't message, let her do her, even end it and move on, but I don't want to do that when I want to fix this problem and hope that it can be fixed. There has to be a way. If you're going to call me names, tell me it's going to over in a week, don't post, I don't need that right now, thats the last thing I need when I'm in a place like this.
The fucked up thing is, she is so good at making it seem like everything is my fault, that sometimes I believe it is my fault. I didn't think I did anything wrong last night, I don't cook, and yes I go to bed late but I don't do drugs or anything excessive but she told me she will break up with me because I am immature, not an adult, go to bed late, order pizza now and then and are a baby and she doesn't want to date someone like that. Throughout the day when I was alone, my thoughts of 'what a bitch' transformed to 'maybe she is right'. I don't know what to do anymore. Please, please help me. Sometimes when I do something good as a joke she says, 'good, youre learning', or when I fuck up, 'its okay youre still in training', although these are jokes, they have an element of truth.
There have been times where I put my foot on the ground, and say Im sorry I disagree, and I dont take my foot off the ground but then she ignores me and has no problem and literally out waits me, out talks me, out smarts me. I'm not dumb at all, at all, but she just knows how to word things and I have NEVER heard her say sorry to me, and she even says to me 'I wont apologize'. Its killing me, I honestly have this rage inside of me its terrible. The fucked up thing is, I am the one saying 'do you think about breaking up with me, if you want someone more mature and better fitted for you then break up with me'. Please, someone smack me into place.
|
CHAT
