Hey Guys,

So This post my be a bit longer, but I will try and get to the point. I am looking to grow from this, and move past this relationship. I am not trying to get back with my EX, I have been 100% no contact since we broke it off.
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I dated a girl for 2 years who I met at a bar in a big city. We were both 24 at the time we met. We are now both 26 (she broke up w me 1 month ago today) She is a HB 8.5 to 9.0 and gets a lot attention when she goes out.
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**From the beginning her habits bothered me (she smoked, weed and cigs daily, and drank regularly on the weekends). I overlooked these habits thinking in time she might grow out of them. She never did.

Even a year and a half into the relationship she would get so drunk she would trip up stairs, slur her words badly, and be embarrassing. It was immature and unattractive.

During our relationship it was pretty amazing while we were both in it and I am no AFC. I have dated beautiful girls before and have been in the game for 7 years.

She would text/call me daily and was fully attracted throughout the relationship. I started my own business and was very successful with it, (on my purpose/not needy/dominate) we did high value actives on the regular (traveling to cali, florida, ect., helicopter rides, cruises, nice dinners, ect. ect.)

-The last 3 weeks of the relationship seemed to turn however. She ended up quitting her job and was struggling to find a new 1 (she didn't know what she wanted to do, has no real drive/purpose, and her parents pay all of her bills)

-At this same time my life was thriving in every area... I was earning more than I had ever earned with my business (5 figure months) I joined a gym as worked out 6 days a week (she never worked out, ever), I went to church regularly and was growing immensely. She however would watch movies all day, take naps, and really seemed to be a bit depressed without having a job.

So this leads us to the end...

*Note she only had 1 true "girlfriend" (literally) who I absolutely hated. I told my EX I didn't want to be around her because she was a negative influence and just a toxic person (she has 2 DIU's, no drivers license so my EX had to drive her everywhere, didnt have a stable job (was a nanny and used guys for their money) no stable boyfriend, would party on the regular, and was just a mess* This was my EX's only friend and they would hangout regularly during the week and when we didnt see each other on the rare weekend.

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Looking back Here is where i believe it all fell apart.

On her birthday she went out with her only GF (the bad influence) and they went to the club and stayed out until 3:30 am. I was not with her that Friday night because I was working and had a special Birthday - day planned for my GF the whole next day. I also was not going to control my GF and say she couldnt go out on her B-day with her friends... You have to have trust in a relationship yes? Anyways....

I am almost 100% positive they went out that night, she cheated on me, because the next she called me crying and feeling guilty. I could tell something was way off and the relationship ended the next day.

Which brings me to this past weekend...

I did however randomly run into her at last weekend (pure chance, we live in a BIG city and I had no idea she would be out) at a high end nightclub, with 2 guys, and her only negative influence friend... (big surprise...)
They had a bottle service table (obv. DHV for the 2 guys) and I didnt say anything to her, she didn't say anything to me, we just literally walked right past each other on the stairwell. She did however give me this smile of "oh shit im caught, but im better than you now bc im at the club and we have bottle service" -Just my read.

I left the club 2 mins after seeing her and neither of us has reached out. Im not going to lie it was hard to see her out with 2 dudes, but it didnt look like (from the 2 mins I saw) they were having an "amazing night out". The guys seemed pretty douchy and just use their table to get girls attracted. Not trying to sound jealous, it was just the vibe I saw at the table...

My question:

1) My girlfriend has been and most likely always well be a "Party Girl". It's not that in the 2 years we were together we never "partied" or that I was "Lame". I think it was just more of a LIFESTYLE for her and more of EVENTS for me. Im not a huge drinker, im into personal development and can handle any situation SOBER and still have a great time.

**Was it something I did not demonstrate to her? Or did she just want that party lifestyle again, saw another alpha male who had a lot of social proof and was excited by the attention he was giving her, and was influenced by her negative friend? Or was it something I did not demonstrate?

Thanks again for your comments!
Any advice is greatly appreciated

-Sincerely, Duke

Most relationships do not last. You may not have done anything wrong. While you're in your twenties, you're often still finding yourself (she hasn't found herself yet) and that doesn't necessarily factor into solid relationships. It may be tough, but roll with it.

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Lol I'm guessing Neo has pasted it before the original gets edited? Lolz

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USER HAS BEEN BANNED FOR REPEATEDLY IGNORING MOD WARNINGS AND MULTIPLE RULE VIOLATIONS

Ha that's what you gotta do these days. Response coming because there was some history here

Yeah...my original response would have caused some deletion to happen.

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Thank you for your comments so far! I am eager to hear what you have to say neo

Here is my take duke:

I actually remembered your name from your other threads on this girl. You had a lot of threads on not trusting this girl, on her lying to you, her addictive behaviors that turned you off....I and many others told you to walk. You forgot to mention that you had stolen this chick when she had a bf, at the bar. Now that bf is you.

Key pts:
1. Don't turn the girl who cheats on her bf with you, into your gf. The first time you do something its the hardest. So when she cheats on one guy, its easier for her to cheat again. You sound like a good guy, and you did alot of things right on the outside. Took care of your business, traveled, lived your life...but you picked the wrong chick.

2. You also picked a party girl. If a girl's friend is messed up like that, ask yourself what connects them. Either your girl would have made her shape up, or she would corrupt your girl, or theyd stop being friends. I wont even say it was the friends influence, because your girl sounds like a mess herself. Now I gotta be honest....if she was hanging with this chick like that and getting drunk, odds are she fucked alot or at least made out with alot of guys during your relationship. I highly doubt that she went from faithful gf (nvm the stuff with her ex and dudes in other threads) to cheater one night and dumped you. Way this typically goes is she was messing around and finally settled on a guy she really liked, or just wanted out of the relationship.

3. Have some f'ing standards. There were a ton of things wrong with this relationship. Trust issues, stumbling drunk, party girl, bad friend, she lied to you, no ambition, smoking and other habits you didnt approve of. You didnt value yourself...you shouldve left a long time ago and found someone you were compatible with. As I said many times in your threads, if you cant trust her leave her. She had visited ex bfs behind your back, gone to dinners with dudes, all kinds of fuckery lol and you stuck in there. One post you called her ridicioulsy hot or something. Maybe you felt lucky to be with her? Whatever the case, next time find a girl who is compatible with you and you trust. It should be that simple.

Its so weird because on one aspect you seem like a great dude. But youre only as good as what you accept. And you accepted a drinking lying cheater with no ambition. And you picked one you weren't compatible with. If you have this ambition and all that, next time, find a girl on your level. Not wondering about what you could do differently with TRASH. She's trash. A dime a dozen. A hot girl who cheats, gets drunk, lies and isnt going anywhere. She'll get passed around by some dudes, some free drinks at the club which dont mean shit. You're the prize. So your standards should have been as high as you kept them for yourself. You shouldve found the hot girl who is faithful, has a career and isn't coming home drunk. Heck, even those guys she was with, do you think if they have any real status they are going to wife this chick up? They'll bang her, get a few threesomes with her, give her some drinks and keep her as fb.

There are so many things in your post where I would think YOU were the DUMPER. You shouldve. All the warning signs were there. Move on. Look at it for what it was. A mistake. You didnt have standards and accepted anything. I mean, dont you want a girl who can ADD something to your life?

Hi Neo,

Thank you very much for your response and post.

I 100% agree with you and I should have nexted this girl over a year ago.In fact I should have never asked her to be my GF in the first place and just kept her as a FB... At the time I was insecure and just wanted the "status" of having a hot GF, the easy sex, and just decided to ignored the red flags. My mistake. Lesson learned.
She even told me numerous times in our relationship I was too good for her... and she was right lol.

So why did I stay with her for so long then is the real question.

-The answer - She added decent easy sex and a little drive in my life. I didn't create my own business because of her, or for her, but having her is my GF definitely helped push me in times of defeat. Give me a little extra motivation to get off my ass and create. That was really about it.

In response to your #1: She never officially was dating anyone when I pulled her, she was "single" but seem some guy. But yeah, I never really enjoyed the fact she would go out without me at certain times. Lesson learned to screen better earlier.

#2) As far as her friend goes her influence really didnt help. Its hard for me to tell you EXACTLY every detail but in the last 2-3 weeks of our relationship she would be hanging out with this friend more and more often... As far as did she mess around with other guys and was cheating on me in our relationship... I really don't think so (not for my own ego) but because is she was she would have reacted super guilty like she did the last time I saw her. Did she flirt when I was away im sure... but as far as making out / more I really dont think so. And we spent every weekend together really, there wasnt much opportunity.

#3) I did totally lower my standards and I wont ever get into a LTR again compromising my core values. I have also learned to screen for things such as trust, loyalty, honesty, ect moving forward.

#4) You say I am a great dude and I would have to agree. I do offer a TON of value. I accepted Trash and I got Trashed on. Shame on me. It hurts, Stings, whatever but I have to move forward. I guess the only reason I stayed around is because I did see a lot of good things in her and she wasn't all "trash". She had some inner issues but deep down she was a really good soul. She never wanted to hurt me, I just honestly think she needs to do some serious soul searching herself.. but she couldn't resonate with that energy. Which was what I was giving 100% of the time Lol.

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Lastly...

If any guy she is with has any CLUE they will figure out everything I did and prob. even faster. As far as the "The hot girl who is faithful, has a career and isn't coming home drunk." I have been out enough to know that this girl is almost like hitting the lottery? Not saying I cant hit it, but damn is that shit rare. Any suggestions on how to find the marlin?

Thanks again!
Duke

The reason I say she must have cheated before, is because it takes a chick with no guilt or compassion,to see a guy she was with for TWO YEAR RELATIONSHIP, who SHE broke up with for CHEATING, to see this guy while out with other guys and pass you like that. It's not guilt from a one night thing that made her come home and "act guilty." A chick who wasn't cheating, or had an ounce of compassion, would have chased you at the bar and apologized for how it appeared.

If she at least helped you get your business, good. You got something. Now continue that. As to finding a hot quality girl...its really not that rare. Go out

Duke, this girl is a loser.

A quality woman would ditch that kind of influence from her life on her own, without you having to say a single word. Arguably she wouldn't expose herself to it in the first place, but that's irrelevant.

At any rate, neo pretty much covered it all. You settled for a trainwreck simply for the sake of dat ass and got what you deserved, because you turned her into way more than she deserved to be, aka your girlfriend.
It's not like hitting the lottery. It appears like that to you because you don't hold yourself up to higher standards.
There's plenty of women like that, but you probably won't find them in a drunken haze through nightclubs having bottle service.

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Thank you RC for your comments. I agree the Club girl prob isnt wife material. Any other suggestions as to where to find a good girl? Online dating hasnt ever really been my thing but maybe id try it out?

Honestly man,

It just sounds like you had a shit woman, than you knew was shit from the beginning, but she was hot and probably fun to be around so you hung out with her enough until you got attached due to investingin her. At that point, you're waiting for an ROI thats never going to come. You're hoping she snaps out of the immature shit, wakes up and becomes the woman you believe she has the potential to be. Its a very mild "captain save a hoe" situation. Had you been older, a bit wiser, and experienced(which you gained from this experience) this girl probably wouldn't of been anything more than a fuck buddy.

Its a young mistake, and you're dealing with american women. This happens. The truth is, you should of broken up with her a long time ago. People want others to be just like them, and we all become like the people we hang around, and so if this girl is her friend they're slowly going to become like one another.

You dodged a bullet. Some guys get married to these types, have children, and end up paying half of everything they amassed while to she sat doing shit after a divorce.

Consider yourself lucky. You're 26 successful, attractive, and will most certainly attract a better woman. You just have to raise your standards and be unwilling to accept this type of woman into your life for anything outside of a few lays ever again. No matter what you feel, hold true to your highest and initial convictions. When you first meet a girl, you kinda know where things are going to go. Almost always hold true to that initial instinct. Don't let a few orgasms and investment make you weak.

She's probably not as bad as her friend, but she's bad too. They're friends, and clearly see something in one another.

Thats not the kind of chick you want to be around.

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Thanks Eddie For Your Response. I totally agree, I kept investing in her and thats what kept me attracted and overlooking all of the negatives. We also did have some amazing times but this girls clearly is not LTR material. Tough lesson to learn but better now then later.