Hey guys,

Haven't been here in a long time. This site helped me a few years ago, go out and kill it after getting dumped. I'm a relationship guy though and got in a great one for the past 3 years.

Here's the thing though, there is a guy starting to show interest in my gf now and he's using game that I learned years back. Let me break it down for you and see if you can help me get back to me.

She got involved a group activity she enjoys and hasn't done in a while, as she's been working on her career. That activity just finished with a party the other night. Now, she has mentioned all the different people in the group and not being an overly jealous guy, I didn't think much of any mentions.

But the night of the party, she went and was texting me throughout the evening saying she was just staying for speeches and wouldn't be too late etc. I encouraged her to have fun and just let me know when she wanted to be picked up.

She ended up staying much later and I fell asleep. I woke up at 1am and texted just asking where she was and how she was doing. No response.

At 2:30 I looked out the window and saw her walking towards our house with a guy. They weren't touching at all, but both looked pretty drunk. They got to the front of the house and were saying goodbyes, but he went in for a hug 3 times.

I got a little pissed about that, but I don't want to come off as spying or watching or being overbarring so I didn't say anything when she came in. I let on that I didn't see them at all, which was a mistake. I should have said "who walked you home, babe?" Now, I'm kind of kicking my own ass in my head.

Last night I did something I've never done before and looked at her text messages. There were a few from him and her. Apparently they met up on the way to the party, which I didn't know about. He's using things like "You're adorable" "We should be friends outside of this (group)" "Hope you're recovering well from last night" etc.

She is saying things like "Thanks so much for walking me..." "I owe you a beer" etc.

I'm not sure that she's buying it, but I can tell he's using some game to try and get her attention. This has put me in a fowl mood the last couple of days and she can tell. However, I'm getting over that. I read something today that reminded me being like that will get me nowhere. I know I need to get my game back and raise my value so she doesn't think there's something better out there.

But, I feel like I have lost that. I'm unhappy with work, I actually work in the next city over which leaves her lots of time and freedom potentially spend time with others, even innocently at first. I'm always complaining and after 4 or 5 years in this city, I don't have a core group to socialize and be busy with.

Can you guys help me:

a) Decide what action, if any I should take on this dude
b) Get into the right head space to once again show value within a relationship
c) Maybe share any links or favorite sources of inspiration and actions of yours to get social and less complacent?

As always, you guys are the best and any advice or encouragement helps!

M.

There are always guys pursuing your girl. I'm pursuing your girl. If she's of any quality, you have to accept that it's going to continue to happen.

It also doesn't sound like you're making her feel special. Do something to make her feel good about being with you and then give her an orgasm. That's the best way to keep her from finding other men attractive.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

Trust your gut on this one, you can assume or you can act.

The only thing we know for sure is that you SUSPECT she's cheating. Whether she is or she isn't, you are in trouble.

If you go the sneaking, spying route and find out she IS cheating, you'll be miserable.

If you find out she ISN'T cheating, well, you basically don't trust her and the whole sorry saga will probably repeat itself the next time she does something "suspicious." So, you'll still be miserable.

If she realizes you don't trust her, she'll spend her life walking on eggshells, and you'll both be miserable.

If you become the better option, she will remain loyal.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

You have some good concepts, but some very fucked up ones too.
Not only that, but it will make things worse.
No, you shouldn't have. You shouldn't even have been awake. You also should not be offering to pick her up unless she explicitly asks for that favor. It's a form of negative pressure. On both of you.
It's really great that you're self aware enough to realize this. Here, let me quote myself. If you're interested in more of that ^, there's a link in my sig.

Anyway, the point is that there's a strong synergy between these life aspects.
If you're unhappy with one or two, they all suffer.
If you're happy with all of them, they all benefit.

Think about it. If this girl left you tomorrow, what do you have? A job you dislike and an in-existent social life. You'd be crushed. Your happiness depends on her, and that's a very bad situation to be in.

It's a fucked up mentality to fall into OP - trying to "do something about this dude". You can't do shit about the dude. As Jack mentioned, if your girl is of any quality you better believe I'll be all up for pursuit. Aside from locking her in your basement, I see little you can do to limit her interactions with men.
The only thing you can control however, is you. And the value of which you, as a male, are building for yourself.

You think this woman can be proud of her man - who not only is unpleased with his job, has to drive arbitrary amounts of time - daily - to get there, and has little to no social life on top of it, which is probably due to the same time consuming shit job?

Never even mind if she's proud of that. Are you?

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I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Contrary to popular opinion, there is nothing you can do to prevent a someone from cheating. This belief is just a way for guys to feel like they have some control over someone else's actions

But wait...if I'm more attractive to her than other guys, she'll have no reason to cheat!
Wrong. Cheating has nothing to do with one person's attractiveness relative to yours. You can be attracted to different people for different reasons. A girl can be attracted to your personality, your physique, your style, your charisma, your vibe, and be attracted to another guy who is different for those same reasons. She may be attracted to your dominant personality, and be attracted to an intellectual guy for his. She may be attracted to your lean physique, and be attracted to a more body builder physique on another man. She may be attracted to your GQ style, yet still be attracted to the punk rocker style of someone else. My point is, how she feels about you, does not stop her from being attracted to other men. How much she is attracted to you, does not relate to how attractive she finds another man sexually. Added to the fact that sometimes, people just want something new, as great as you may be. There is an excitement from being with someone new for men and women. You can't control this and you cant stop this

But wait...if she's afraid of losing me she wont cheat!

Wrong again.Most who cheat think they won't get caught. Many people die from drunk driving when everyone knows that driving drunk can kill you. Many people have unprotected sex knowing that STD's and pregnancy are at risk. When someone cheats, they're thinking I'm not getting caught same way when someone drives drunk they're thinking they will make it home ok.

I say all this to highlight that you can't control whether she cheats or not. Let's say she is attracted to this guy. How long do you think before they fuck or fool around? A text message from him about that beer she owes him, a walk back to his place drunk and a night of sex. That text could come tomorrow, this weekend, next week, next weekend. Do you really think that you if reignite that spark that you think led her to him by tomorrow? by next week? Do you think that some witty text messages, some date nights over the next 2 weeks (max) is gonna make her NOT attracted to the new guy? Not likely

As RC said all you can control is you. So fix your shit.

As to her actions, I know personally I won't want my gf meeting some guy before some event. I won't want my gf texting some guy who is calling her adorable. Or having some dude walk her home drunk. That's just me. It would bother me, as it bothers you, and whether she is cheating or may cheat is irrelevant at that point. My gf should not be doing things that would bother me. Simple as that. For eg, I dont date women seriously who would let guys take them out and buy them dinner for their company. It could be the nerdiest most unattractive guy in the world, it's because my standard is my gf shouldnt accept a man's money for her company. If your gf's actions with this guy bother you, why be with someone like that? Why be with someone that doesn't share your boundaries? Simple rule for me, if I look through your phone, there should be nothing that would upset me or make me ask questions. If there would be, you shouldnt be my girl.

Guys will always pursue your girl. But the responsibility is on her to keep things at a certain level. If you get the idea from text messages that he's interested, she fully knows he is from the other 50 interactions you don't see. And if she's entertaining it, then it's on her. So fix yourself. No point in going for the job you want and the social circle you want, if you're gonna stay with the girl whose actions will piss you off.

Soon as you think like this, it manifests and gets worse and becomes a self fulfilling prophecy

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USER HAS BEEN BANNED FOR REPEATEDLY IGNORING MOD WARNINGS AND MULTIPLE RULE VIOLATIONS

Pretty simple really. She's your girl right? You draw the lines .

From an evolutionary standpoint men and woman aren't created to be just friends. Men want to fuck girls they find attractive, period. Anyone who says otherwise is a FOOL.

That being said, you should make it clear that she is not to spend time alone with ANY man then yourself. No friends, minimal interactions and absolutely no information being shared. This is not being insecure , this is protecting your investment. If you had a business, would you want your business partner vulnerable to other businesses? Sharing information and potentially destroying everything you've built?

Your girl knows exactly what she's doing when she puts herself in these positions, whether consciously or subconsciously, she knows what's up. You're being insecure about being insecure when you try to play it off like you're not being jealous. Where do you draw the line? When she comes home telling you that she made a mistake and fucked him? Why the fuck is she texting other guys? Be a fuckin man dude and lay the boundaries.

This is all low key sneaky shit going on and either she knows what she's doing and is scoping for other potential mates, or she's clueless and needs to be education on men to women dynamics. Every time she complies or responds to his bullshit, it's being allowed to be taken on step further. Grab your balls and lay down the law.

Either she's obedient to your requests or you find a girl who will be.

hey man, I will tell you the truth, if you are are great in bed , women won't leave you, simple as that, give her powerful orgasms and she will get addicted to you, now you are in relationship with her for 3 years now, ask yourself, do you always fuck her in same position each time? does your sex life got boring? do you finish after 5 minutes never letting her orgasm? you gotta spice it up bro ,get some self- help book mate there's loads about it, most often when someones gf or wife looking for another dick , is cause she doesnt get much quality action or her boyfriend is acting beta. So solutions:
- fix your sex life
- be alpha

This shouldn't make me laugh because it's true but I can't help finding it hilarious.

This is great. i'm gonna take it on. I think the OP should too.

Lots of good advice her. I recommend this:

If life is circle, you will end up where you started. Everything WILL end, as it supposed to END like.

You go as you start.