So I met this girl around a year and a half ago in a club, we hooked up, and I ended up f-closing her that night. This was in a different state and she lived there so we didn't talk a whole heap afterwards. 6 months later she moved to the state I live in and then 10 months after that just recently she started talking to me.

We talked heaps and agreed to start a clean slate, she gave the vibe that she loved my banter and we organised to catch up for a drink. Before the drink she had been messaging me constantly, always first to message and her sister even added me to suss me out, despite never meeting her.

The drink was good, we talked a lot, made her the focus so she was doing most of the talking, she basically said she'd told everyone at work about me. I dropped her home and she text me straight away. I said hope you had a good night and she responded with "awful night, average company" which was obviously sarcasm.

Anyway the next two days were pretty much texting as normal, until I suggested a second catch up in which she said she was going to focus on study for the next week. I then said that's fine we'll do something afterwards and she never replied and has gone completely cold for 24 hours. Whereas before if it went longer than a couple she would message me etc. even snapchatting I can tell she's been sending some but none have been to me...

I'm basically asking what is my next play? Is it possible she's moved on to some other guy talking to her? She's gone from extremely keen, to quiet...

It's always possible. Doesn't mean it happened tho.

Maybe she wanted more physicality out of that date. You mentioned nothing about that.

Did you kiss? did you hold hands? Was it a night date? etc etc etc

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It's strange, when we talked beforehand we agreed on a clean slate because she said what happened the first time was not in her nature (one night stand). So I thought it would be best to approach the date with the intention of showing her I'm not like that either and being really intellectual and finding out alot about her. It went well I kissed her on the cheek when I dropped her home and I generally felt positive about it.

Anyway I've messaged her today and although the she's been swift with her replies they've been pretty short with little to no substance, she also said "ah yeah nice nice" quickly followed by "oops didn't mean to send that to you"

Am I missing something here, I really like her, how do I rebuild attraction, particularly if there's someone else?

1, she's been snappchatting others but not to you? I would recommend not stalking her app usage.

2, You hooked up with her and fucked her but your not that type of guy? Guess what when you were that type of guy she was interested and chasing you up to the point you decided to let her dictate what type of guy you are by her saying what is in her nature.

Let me but it to you this way you fuck a girl, you chase her and show interest in her and on the 2nd meet up she just lets you kiss her cheek... Would you continue chasing?

I know what you're saying, but that's part of the challenge for me. When I thought I had her was probably when I took it for granted and dropped my game and guard a bit. I'm talking to other girls, but I don't want to give up on this one, so what do I do? Go quiet on her? She's definitely not as keen as before so how do I rebuild that attraction?

Personally would NOT. Bad idea to go quiet on a girl who has become less keen and talking to others because the last memory she will have if you when do initiate contact (most likely have to be you) is what made attraction go down.

I would find a way to arranagd another meet without sounding needy and then do what build attraction in the first place

RC nailed it. You allowed her to step back by following through with her "clean slate" because it wasn't in her nature bullshit. If it really wasn't in her nature, she wouldn't have done it the first time.

What you should have done is agree that you guys weren't going to do anything. Invite her to your room and state that you guys aren't going to do anything. Just because you guys are saying you guys won't do anything you'll build tension and as long as you lead in the escalation, she'll do all of the things that weren't in her nature again.

It's about getting her in the moment instead of being on her schedule.

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I see this now and in hindsight, I wish I did, but I don't think it's game over, from the way she spoke to me before and in the days following compared to now, it seems to bigger dip for it to be permanent? I don't believe all attraction was lost because of our first catch up, it's not possible. I just think I have some serious competition now, which is fine, I'm up for the challenge, and if not as I said I'm talking to other girls. What I'm struggling with is how to best approach her for now, considering the drop off in interest for whatever reason.

Flirt with her over text and invite her out as soon as you have the time for it. And don't act like a 12 year old terrified of his first kiss again.

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I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

So we talked a couple of nights ago over text, interest levels were clearly different, but she still replied swiftly etc and it was positive banter. Since then though, nothing...

I left out the part how i suggested we catch up again a few days before that and she said "I'm just going to focus on study this week, then till next week on Thursday, then I'm done"

So she's made it pretty clear she's not available, when I was with her she did say she had exams coming up. That's why this situation is a bit more difficult, do I hold off talking to her till she's done and then try and organise something? I reckon if I could get her to see me again I'd be back in the game?

How is it more difficult? She's busy till Thursday. So what? That's next week, isn't it?

So talk to her every 2-3 days. Have some light and fun banter and as I've said, once Thursday is over with ask her out.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

She's given me nothing for 3 days though whereas before she was talking to me at her every spare moment. I was also told she's talking to a guy from her work. I'm starting to think moving on completely might be the best option.

Has she ignored your messages?
Has she crossed a personal boundary with how you allow people to treat you?
Has she said she wants to be just friends?
Have you lost interest in her?


All of the above are justified reasons to completely move on and forget about her.
IMO having competition for the girl is not.

So she's talking to other guys.... YOU ARE THE BEST OPTION AND SHE WILL SEE THAT!! Is the mindset you should have.

You're right, none of those things have happened. The last two times we've spoke though it has been her that hasn't replied in the end. My reluctance is due to how much she was messaging me before, to now nothing. I'd have a snapchat or message from her every time I look at my phone, now nothing. She's obviously gonna see that guy from her work a lot and she's potentially talking to him the exact same way she was talking to me a week ago, so im asking what's my best approach to even compete. I do believe I'm better, I'm just not sure how I get the opportunity to show that without looking needy, given the situation?

Move.on.

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