So my girlfriend has been acting distant. A bit of background information. I've been seeing her for 4 months, she's a HB9, an international student doing her PhD, 33 years old, a single mom who got divorced last April though she has been living away from her ex husband for 1 1/2 years i.e. from the time she came to study here. She got divorced because her ex husband was cheating on her and not giving her and her son any attention. He used to go out drinking without her and come home late and basically neglect her and cheat etc.

When we started our relationship we were having sex regularly and she was all over me. Treated me like a king, cooked for me. I was aloof and not seeing her as much as she wanted to. Unfortunately, I was careless with protection and she ended up pregnant. She had really bad morning sickness so I took care of her and her son for a few weeks. Cooking for her and her kid and trying to support her as much as I could. She was a bit moody on certain days during that time but I assumed it was due to the pregnancy.

She went back to her home country start of August for 6 weeks with her son and got an abortion there in mid August. Initially she seemed normal, still very affectionate and loving when messaging. She came back here in mid September and she has been acting distant from around a week before she got back. She didn't bring her son back since it's hard for her to look after him on her own so he is with her parents but he should be back in November.

When she got back she stayed with me for 4 or 5 days and I took care of her as best as I could. Cooked for her, went with her to find apartments (did all the leg work) etc. First 3 days she was very loving then she went cold and went to see her friend for the weekend. She didn't even contact me for a few days and when she got back she was still cold so I talked to her about it. She told me she was acting cold because:

- She misses her family
- She misses her son
- She has stress from her PhD since her supervisor just left and she changed supervisors and she's nervous she's not doing enough work. She's spending a lot of money to come her and do a PhD so it's making her worried.
- She's worried about getting pregnant again.
- Since we were practically living together for 4 or 5 days she said that we need some distance and don't need to see each other every day.

So I told her I understand and will give her some space. I told her she can always talk to me if something is bothering her and no pressure I understand she's going through a lot and that she's welcome to stay with me if she needs a place to stay or not, up to her.

From then on I didn't really initiate contact with her. She initiated daily and I didn't push for a meet up. I saw her a few times over the next week to give her some things she needed like some book she asked me to buy and some clothes (she left 2 suitcases in my house). Each time I saw her she was very happy to see me and had a twinkle in her eyes. She told me via messages that she missed me but she needs to clear her head and focus on her work. I didn't react emotionally and just said that I understand. I knew from her facebook that she was still spending time with her friends and going on trips on the weekend etc with them but didn't bring it up.

One day she messages me about how we're from different cultures and that she can be with me if I can learn her language and move to her country. I re-assured her that I can in the future do this and I that I liked her etc. Also she said how only parents love girls forever that love doesn't last. I told her that I understand why she thinks that, she's been through a lot with her ex-husband but that I believe that love grows with time if there is good communication and compromise. She also told me how she was listening to some song and crying because it reminded her of me.

I was still not initiating contact with her but she was still messaging me daily and when she contacted me I tried my best to not pressure her to meet and to just support her emotionally by being understanding etc. as best as I could though I was starting to find this quite draining since she's still not asking to meet me.

Last Thursday I was with a friend and she missed called me 4 times and messaged me asking me where I am. I saw it one hour later I told her I was in a restaurant. The next day she tells me that her son told her that she was the worst mother in the world for leaving him behind and she feels terrible about it and that she called me to have dinner with me but since I didn't pick up she asked someone else to go with her. She seemed a bit upset and disappointed that I didn't pick up and took 1 hour to answer. I told her lets have dinner on friday and she said she's busy and just wants to be alone these days and feels very sad. I said I understand, I told her I miss her and whenever she's ready to see me I'll be there for her.

Since last thursday we've only been messaging every alternate day (and only a few lines of messages) and she doesn't initiate much. I've told her a few times through text that I care about her etc. and she's texted me at night that she can't sleep or that she feels sad etc.

At the moment I'm balancing giving her space to telling her that I'm there for her and not abandoning her. I'm not sure what's going on in her head. Is it one of the following:

1) She's lost interest and wants to leave me and doesn't know how to tell me
2) She's going through a rough patch (missing her kid, work stress, finding an apartment etc.) and needs some space from me since she sees me as another source of anxiety due to the pregnancy but is ok hanging out with her friends
3) She blames me for the abortion and gets reminded of it when she's with me and everything else is just excuses
4) She has baggage from her ex husband cheating on her and she doesn't trust men and doesn't want to get too close to me and end up getting hurt

My behaviour so far assumes number 2) as that seems to be what she implied when I asked her about it. So I try to give her space but check on her once in a while to let her know I'm not abandoning her and there for her.

Sorry for the long a complicated post. Help me guys!! What am I supposed to do?

Guys, I know most people will tell me to get out of this relationship but assuming I want to try and save this relationship what would be the best course of action?

There is a big lie in here on your part. Please just be honest.

Also did you take any of the advice in the other thread? What do you want to hear?

Your advice was:
What I gathered from the advice I received before was that I should talk to her about why she's being distant which I did. So she told me she's acting distant because of:

- She misses her family
- She misses her son
- She's worried about her PhD
- She's worried about getting pregnant again

Since she's not meeting up with me or talking to me much I just wanted reassurance that I should just give her her space but still show her I'm open to talk/see her. I'm also wondering if what she is telling me is not the real reason and she just wants to end things in which case I think I should just go no contact.

If she is really suffering and wants me I think maybe I should contact her more and try to be there for her more?

What's the big lie?

I can't write too much now bUT the lie was that the pregnancy started this. No you said she was moody and bossy before this in the other thread. I took you being laid back as the reason she was "bossy" bUT it's not that you're laid back. Youre needy in this relationship. You are going through a lot of shit for this woman after r months. And maybe she is busy but your behavior would be a turn off for mosteoporosis women.

Yes she was moody before but she would be after me to see me 2 or 3 times a week and she wasn't sad.

When I wrote the last thread she had just come back from her home country so it was just after the time she was affectionate for 3 days and then moody for 2 days so I thought it was the same pattern as before the pregnancy. But her distant behaviour has now been going on for more than 2 weeks so it's not similar to the general moodiness of a few days here and there that happend before the pregnancy.

So I think I jumped the gun in the previous thread where I thought she just cycles hot and cold. This seems to be different. I just feel so confused and could really use some input from someone as to what might be going on.

No bro.. You have to go with the flow and agree that you want abundance of women and live like a rockstar (Even that is something you don't really brlieve). Otherwise you are not a Man. Saying what every other Pickup Artist on this forum is saying and having the same mindset as them is what makes you a Man.
Be a Man.

_________________
Don't get confused by my username. I am not Bald.

So here's an update on what happend next.

So 3 weeks ago she asked me if she can stay at my place for a few days. I said sure. That evening she called me for dinner and a female friend of hers was also there. I was laughing having a good time, teasing her and making friends with her female friend. We have dinner then I take them for some cocktails. Time to go home and she says she's not coming with me and she's going to stay with her friend since her friend just got back in town and is going through some urgent issues she wanted to discuss. I was not happy since it had been 2 or 3 weeks since we last had sex or slept on the same bed with each other. I told her to come with me, she said no so I laughed and told her I'm going to find a new girlfriend and just left.

On my way back home she's texting me saying she's on her period so we can't have sex. I told her that's fine I'll find another girlfriend and I just ignored her. She then calls me like 10 times in an hour and eventually I pick up and told her to come. She comes and we have amazing sex.

That week she invites me for lunch a few days later. I ask her to come to my house since I want to have sex but she doesn't come. I act cool with that and leave.

Two weeks ago she again invites me for dinner with her female friend and tells me she wants to spend the night in my house since she is away for a week. I say cool. She comes to my house but as soon as I initiate sex she says she doesn't want to do it and threatens to leave if I persist. I stay cool and just massage her for an hour and try to get her horny. She says she's scared of getting pregnant again. Anyway she gets horny and we again have great sex. She said I have good skills in bed and seemed happy.

Now last week, I was helping her find a flat to rent so I found something and accompanied her to see the place. We had lunch together. It was fine. Later I texted her to come to my house but she says she doesn't want to come since she is scared of getting pregnant and can't control herself when sleeping on the same bed as me. I'm just getting quite tired at the difficulty it takes to get her to come to my house and have sex. I told her we will use condoms or not even have sex, just do oral etc. I told her earlier that day that I'm leaving our city in 6 weeks permanently so I want to spend time with her. She didn't come so I told her I'm feeling angry.

I didn't contact her much over the rest of the week. On Saturday I invited her for dinner with my colleagues and as usual she says she's busy. She found a flat to stay so busy with that. I just felt so tired dealing with a girlfriend who doesn't make time to spend with me so I decided to end it. I told her I wanted to talk. I told her that I'm unhappy. She asked if it was something she did. I told her I need someone who can make more time to be with me. We only live 10 minutes away and I know she's busy with her PhD, I also did a PhD and no one is so busy that they can't spend a few nights with their boyfriend. I also told her that she acts very selfishly and inconsiderately, hardly gives any affection, highly inflexible about anything and everything. Also I told her I feel that she just uses me to do things for like order things for her, find her a flat etc. I told her I understand she went through a lot with the abortion and I tried to support her over the last 2 1/2 months as much as I could but things don't seem to be getting better.

She said she agreed to the break up and that she's sorry she made me feel that way. She said she doesn't want a boyfriend, having a boyfriend is annoying and her son and ex husband are coming next month from her home country and she doesn't know how she can deal with the situation [She only divorced in April, a few months before we got together i.e. June though she had been living in another country than her ex for 1 1/2 years]. She also says that she is older than me and has a kid and that I can find someone more suitable for me. I said I agree, I told her I'll find someone else and that we're not compatible. I wished her well for the future. I said I hoped she finds someone good. She said that she doesn't want any man.

This happend 3 days ago and we haven't contacted each other since. For future information and assuming I wanted her to come back to me:

- If she refuses to come over because she says she is scared of getting pregnant what's the best way to react? I know we need to try to change her emotions rather than use logic? So is the best strategy to create more attraction somehow?

- If your girlfriend is going through a hard time how can you be supportive without being a doormat? I feel I gave her too much time and effort trying to find a flat for her, ordering books etc. for her, when she came to my house I would get her whatever fruits or food she wanted.

- Would it have been better if I hadn't told her why I was breaking up with her instead of blurting out everything and attacking her?

- Was her choosing to go stay with her female friend instead of me a shit test, disrespect, concern for her friend or fear of having sex with me and getting pregnant again?

- Do you guys think I was too needy?

OP - please read the forum rules...

You already have existing threads about this girl and this issue. Why did you create a new one?

This is locked. Use the other thread.