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As a side note, Im confused on something. Some times I see people here say if a girl cheats with you, as in cheats on her bf with you, doesn't mean she will cheat on you. But by this logic, doesnt that mean that if a girl cheats ON you, doesn't mean she will cheat again? I mean if the assumption is she cheats with you because you're a better guy than her bf hence it wont happen to you, then you can become a better guy and take back a girl who cheats on you. I don't agree with that, but just pointing out the flaw in logic when you say dont take back a cheater, but you can date a cheater. Maybe someone who believes that can explain the difference
The source of many confusion about ideas in general is the understanding that ideas work 100% in absolute terms. They don't.
Say, if the OP is married to his girl in a country where cheating is illegal, punishable by law with a prison sentence, it doesn't really follow that if OP sends her girl to prison, his girl would realize her mistake and change for the better once she is assimilated back into society.
In general terms, some criminals who got out of jail for parole due to good behavior will likely be repeat offenders while some would stay clean for long periods of time. This is the punishment side of learned behavior. Again, it isn't a 100% sure thing. Some would reform. Some wouldn't.
In the OP's case, it isn't as simple as that.
The girl got tired of the OP and tried out someone new who turned out to be better than the OP. The question is, how can the OP know, if he is to improve himself to get better so he can get back his girl, that the bar of getting better is reachable? To put that simply, which traits and qualities should he improve on so he does better in those areas compared with the competition?
That's a tall order. He can't just interview the guy or interview his girl to get an honest assessment on where he should improve on. This may take several years. In the meantime, the OP could have had moved on with his life and found other girls.
On the other hand, if another girl cheats with the OP considering the fact that she has an existing boyfriend, and realized that the OP is waaay much better than her boyfriend in so many aspects that she find attractive, then she is more likely to remain loyal unless she gets dissatisfied with the OP for say, the OP being too available, texting her everyday, acting more effeminate than a woman, and so on.
In the first instance, the girl knows that OP is worth losing due to dissatisfaction. In the second instance, the girl knows what she would lose if she gets caught cheating.
Moreover, in the first instance, the OP does not know the baseline in which to improve himself so he can exceed the bar of excellence from the competition and hence, get back his girl.
Knowing this, the OP should take an extreme effort to get really good at the bed department. 80% of women with male partners never had one vaginal orgasm via the penis in their entire life. So, if the OP learns to give a woman at least two vaginal orgasms through his penis, then he becomes a rare find. He not only sets himself apart from the 20% of men who can give women at least one vaginal orgasm through their penis but he sets himself at the top 1% who can give women more than one vaginal orgasm using his penis.
This makes it easier to tip the scales in OP's favor by improving his health, his source of income, his fashion sense and so on. But he can only learn to be good at the bed department by interacting with many other women.
It's a matter of betting your time and effort at the approach that will give you the best odds in your favor. In short, it is easier to turn a cheating woman who cheats with you into a loyal lifetime partner than it is to get back a cheating woman by improving yourself. The fear of loss pays greater dividends than getting back someone whom a girl decided to lose.
Here's why I disagree with that and the logic is flawed. You say, if a girl cheats on you, you dont know what qualities to improve. And if a girl cheats with you, you have an idea what to do. But that's wrong. If a girl cheats on you, you at least have an idea of what to improve. You were the one texting her too much and she pulled away, you were the one not working out. It's a situation YOU are involved in. However, if a girl cheats on you, you know much less. You don't know the nature of her relationship. You're basically saying that you would have a better idea of someone else's relationship which you hear from her, than your own. In most cases you would have much more knowledge of what led to her cheating on you, than you would know about a relationship she is telling you about.
For example, in OP's case, he has an idea of where things went wrong. If he was sleeping with a chick who was cheating on her bf, he can only assess where her current relationship is going wrong from what she tells him.
When you seriously date a cheater, you're going into it being unattractive. I dont know why guys fool themselves that a girl will have some fear of cheating on them. You're choosing to trust a girl who has shown she's untrustworthy. You're taking leap of faith. You're taking a bigger risk. She knows she has you because you're accepting less. You can't convey that you have standards when you're saying she is worth a risk. It's like if I were to hire a guy with a criminal record for a job, I can't like he's easily replaceable because if he were I won't be taking a risk on an ex con. Taking a cheater sets you up worse than the guy she cheated on, because he accepted her, not knowing she was capable of cheating. You're accepting her knowing she is and choosing to take the risk the other guy didnt know about. You can text her less than him, you can be less needy, but the underlying message is, she's not replaceable and worth the risk.
If you believe that a girl cheating on her bf doesn't mean she will cheat on you, then a girl cheating on you shouldnt be a big deal. It would be like if you owned a company and would be open to hiring people who had stolen from their last company. But you won't hire someone who had stolen from your company in the past. Both are the same. Her ex bf she cheated on felt the same security you feel.
To me, it's crazy to accept either tbh, the girl who cheats on you or the girl who cheats with you. In both cases, you're showing that you she is your best option, which makes it easier for her to cheat again.
CHAT
