Not really. In OP's case, he knows his woman better than a new woman that would come along in the future in his life. The only problem is, right now he has no point of comparison because he hasn't tried out other women yet for a long time.

If I owned a company and I would rehire someone who has stolen from me in the past, I would have weighed the pros and cons based on what I know about this someone who stole from me. Did he steal from me because it was a matter of life-and-death? Or did this someone habitually stole from me?

In case of hiring an ex-con, I would also weigh the pros and cons along the lines of: There's another job applicant who is NOT an ex-con, what do I need an ex-con for? Since this ex-con has very rare skills that are useful to the company, up to what extent should I trust this ex-con?

Hence, I have advised the OP to have a calm mind first. This way, he can better weigh the pros and cons based on what he knows about this person without getting too emotional about it. The OP should consider questions like: Was her girlfriend a habitual cheater or did she cheat out of dire circumstances?

It's like having a new fuck buddy from Papua New Guinea who belongs to a family of cannibals. Can you trust this girl to give you a blow job? If you weighed the pros and cons and realized that she has no teeth at all, then... Why not?

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Finish it. Go no contact. Go out and find another woman. It can't be the same with her. And she would probably do it again. Don't waste more time with her. Sooner you will get over it, sooner you will feel great and maybe you will meet better person. Great feelings you had with her can be recreated with many girls. Been there done that.

So she cheated on you. If she had any morals she would have broken up with you first. So do this:

1. Dump her

2. Work on yourself, build confidence

Women typically cheat because they're not getting that emotional connection from their man. Learn this stuff.

_________________
Need help attracting women on TINDER? Then read this free guide and improve: http://www.guycodeacademy.com/free-ebook

After 10 years I can imagine it's not as simple as just breaking up with her. OP has a home with her and probably a whole load of other ties.

What I would suggest OP do is:

1. It may hurt, but find out what actually went on. Was she having a full blown affair? Or was she just fucking some guy because she felt lonely? Maybe ask her that exact question.
2. The problem is you are empathizing with her. Be pissed at her.
3. This part is up to you but if it were me I would go out and cheat on her and tell her all about it in the most unapologetic way. Make her feel like due to her actions she is losing you. It might sound immature but do it so she knows you have other options available.
4. Depending on how you feel pack your stuff and move out temporarily or better yet kick her out.

That much effort would tip her off that he still cares. She'd sniff out that he did it out of vengeance and then would feed off all that emotion; feeling justified for her earlier actions. If the goal is to completely mind fuck her, then whatever he decides to do, he can't allow her to know that he even cares in the first place. If it were me, I'd go about my day-to-day and put forth my best poker face (while figuring out a long-term game in the interim). It'd throw her completely off her game and allow her emotions to run rampant until she self-implodes....and at that point, she'd have no one there to pick up the pieces.

Replies to comments & Situation Update

@Checkm4t3
No can do. Got a lot of things i share with her financially so its not that easy.

Karlb
I appreciate that man. As for confidence, i lack none. What i lack at the moment is emotional stability in respect to my feelings for my girlfriend and this situation. You are right in the emotional connection thing i've written about that in update #2 previously in this thread.

AlfieShines
I am very invested with this girl both emotionally and otherwise. Cheating on her and spitting it in her face is not my style. Not because i wouldnt be able to but because i like to handle things in a rational manner and not emotional. This would be a highly emotional reaction. As for finding out what happened, read update below.

I can not put the entire blame for this on her, period. Not because i am weak or uncapable of delegating responsibility to people who fuck up but because i am de facto the reason she chose this route. Before i fell into my little self-pity hole, our relationship was amazing but i completely shut her out and isolated her out of my life for almost 2 years while expecting her to keep trying to convince me to see things more clearly etc. She did try to talk to me and motivate me to see things differently during this time, no doubt about it.

M_Ellis
I wish i could have put on that pokerface and not given a shit but she has seen me cry over this on several occasions after i caught her so its a bit late for that i'd say.

Update
Ok so after the last update i have had quite a few talks with her. Also, we basically spent this entire weekend in bed fucking like monkeys. All talks resulted in this coming out of her

"I regret doing this, i have no contact with him whatsoever anymore, i did not have proper sex (other than our sporadic anal adventures) with anyone for the past 6-7 months before we fucked the other day. All it was, was emotional comforting, i didnt even make out with him other than "puppy kisses."

After we fucked the first time, her pussy was bleeding for two days (no she was not on her period) which makes me believe that she really didn't have sex for a good while before we fucked since this never happened before otherwise. She is not touching her phone at home anymore and when she is, it's on the table which makes me think shes trying to "prove" shes telling the truth. My skepsis and suspiciousness are still on a super high level but i guess thats nothing but normal...

Any input on this update is greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Ask her to do things for you. 100% compliance will show you where you are right now in her life. When she gives you EVEN just one bad rap, or whine, or complain about your reasonable request, that is ALL you need to know to finalize your decision.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Girls cheat on me every time I have sex...If I ever found out who this Jesus bloke is, I have a 5 knuckle sandwich for him...

_________________
USER HAS BEEN BANNED FOR REPEATEDLY IGNORING MOD WARNINGS AND MULTIPLE RULE VIOLATIONS

Another update

Monsignor Crisanto
Thats great advice, will do. Thanks!

Ok so last night another discussion where she actually verbalized her apology/regret of what has happened and said she has learned a lot from it. She says she would never do something like this again and is aware of the fact that cheating can occur emotionally as well as sexually. She says it was never her intention to have any sexual relations with this bloke and that they talked a lot and met a couple of times while keeping it strictly platonic. She also explained she never had any deeper feelings for the guy which is why she was able to cut him off like she supposedly did after i caught her.

Almost two weeks have gone by now and i must admit that as i'm starting to "re-stabilize" and am actually able to think about this more clearly, im not seeing her in the same way as i did before. I've also started to contemplate whether or not i feel for her what i used to feel and if she is worthy of having me despite the shit she has pulled.

The biggest mistake i think i made is trying to rationalize her actions. Weekend is coming up so i guess this is to be continued...

Why would you believe their friendship is platonic if she already admitted that they had "puppy kisses"? Your girlfriend has told you just enough to keep her in the best possible light after being caught in a compromising position.

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The thing that makes me believe stuff didn't go beyond what she describes as "puppy kisses" is that she didn't "feel" different the first time we had sex after i caught her. She was also bleeding for a couple of days after having sex with me which has never happened otherwise and which makes me believe she indeed did not have (vaginal) sex for a good while before that evening.
You are right. However, i have a tech savvy friend who has helped me go through some of her communication with this guy from the past six months and nothing of what he could dig up so far points to her lying about how far she went with him. As a matter of fact, their long text conversations were surprisingly non-sexual...

This just feels wrong dude. Long text conversations with a guy she fucked and puppy kissed should tell you something right there... Maybe they simply didn't talk about it via text because that's how she'd get caught by you!

It feels like you're accepting a situation because you've invested 10 yrs and don't want to see it go to waste.

Sometimes you have to lose things and start over.

It's your life... but this is probably not the direction I'd go.

Thats the thing Charles, she says she never fucked him in the first place. Their convos are about shit from TV shows to travels. There is only one message where he tried to go sexual and she kinda shut him down and changed the subject rather rapidly.

You are right, i am very invested here and while i want to do the right thing for myself i dont want to risk a break-up if shes telling the truth either. Got some soul searching to do.

Shit is kinda confusing. Reread some stuff...You say you "caught" them cuddling and kissing. How? Where? You also say you believe she really didnt fuck him. But you said she had gone from regular sex to forced anal with you. Why go to anal? Maybe she was doing anal with him, hence the vaginal bleeding. Maybe give some context behind what you actually did see, because you did say you saw them kiss and cuddle. Where were they cuddling? How could you see this?

Point taken.

I started having strong suspicions about her having an affair so i called my tech savvy friend and asked him to help. He setup an unreal network surveillance thing at my place where i managed to intercept parts of their mobile communication. Among other things in their messages was where they were going to meet at a certain date.

Since i knew the date i let her make up an excuse and leave the house. Short after i followed behind and saw them sitting all kissy and cuddly at this coffeeshop called "Espresso House" not far from where i live. I then called her cell phone and asked her to look behind her. When they saw me she froze solid, the guy said something to her and left quicker than if he had seen a ghost. She followed home with me in a very confused state of mind.

It is indeed true that our sex life took a dive during the past 6-7 months. Its also true that she could have had anal sex with him as well even though i strongly doubt it because of her attitude towards it in general. Her emotional focus might have shifted during this time which perhaps would partially explain the lousy sexlife.

Hope that helps.